Sunday, July 22, 2012

Pulling A Willard

   Perry, you're disgusting!

"Okay, Buddy.  Yeah, you!   

 "Who?  Me?" 

"Yeah, you in the third row!  Pull Over!" 

 "Pull over?" 

 "Sorry, poor choice of words!"

"What seems to be the problem, Officer?"

"I'm booking you on suspicion of Pulling a Willard."  

"That sounds like a poor choice of words too."

"No, no, that's actually the name of the statute." 

"But I haven't done anything!"

"You had your hand in your lap, sir, and you were bringing it up and down, up and down, up and down ....

 "I was eating popcorn!"

"Likely story!  A guy sitting in a movie theatre eating popcorn?!!  I wasn't born yesterday."

"It isn't even buttered."

"Just put down the box, sir, and step away from the popcorn!"   

"But, Officer, this isn't even that kind of movie!"

"I know.  March of the Penguins, indeed!  Don't expect any display of mercy from Morgan Freeman."

"Why did you single out me, Officer?" 

"Well, you're Perry Block.  We have a complete dossier on you starting with your earliest erotic fantasies about Miss Frances from Ding Dong School on NBC in 1953.   We know what you've been doing, Mr. Block."

"But everybody does that!"

"Yes, Mr. Block.  But some people also do other things."

"Well .... I've been lonely!"

"Now, don't make this hard, Mr. Block.  I want you to come right now!  Damn, a double poor choice of words!  

"I want my one call."

"To whom?  Some porno sex line, no doubt?" 

"No.  To my lawyer." 

"I hope he's a good one.  Pulling a Willard in this county can get you 4 to 6 in the slammer!   Crap, poor choice of words again! 

"Tell me something, Officer.  With all the serious problems we have that don't get addressed --- like the senseless tragedy in Colorado --- what kind of person thinks it's important to pass laws like Pulling a Willard and have you spend your valuable time enforcing them?"

"Why, whack-jobs, of course."

"Hey, know what, Officer?"

"What, Mr. Block?"

"That, for once, was a perfect choice of words!"



Marian Allen said...

OMG -- Miss Frances! Ding-Dong School! We really ARE the same age!

Marian Allen
Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes

Perry Block said...

No, Marian, I'm older.

I actually did date her.

Marian Allen said...

...You dated Miss Frances? SRSLY? You are like a GOD to me!


Perry Block said...

Sadly that was not Miss Frances' opinion.

In fact, the name "Ding Dong School" was adopted for the program shortly after our date. You do the math.

Thanks, Marian!