60 is Not the New 40 (Again)

Recognize these guys? 

Just another reason that 

60 is not the new 40

60 is Not The New 40.  

It's a sobering truth, Boomers, but nonetheless it's one we have to face.   I've written several of these lists before proving that 60 is not the new 40 which have been posted on my blog and elsewhere. This is the latest list and my first for Humor Outcasts. 

Then again, folks, we always have ...

Denial! 

It's a very handy tool and one of my favorites. Let me know if you can make it work for you cause I'm having a bit of trouble making it work for me.

Okay now, on to Humor Outcasts ....

The Second Remake of The Fly (FF)

FF-Friday Fictioneers

copyright:  Douglas M. Macilroy 

"Again, Andre?"

"Afraid so, Helene.  I just can't seem to get that bug out of the system … so to speak."

"Oh, Andre, every time you transport yourself in the disintegrator-integrator, you come running out here with that contraption over your head saying 'here we go again!'"

"I know, I know.  That pesky fly keeps getting into the chamber with me and our atoms get mixed and I wind up with a fly's head …”

"And I have to catch the fly with the human head so we can reverse the process. Well, better get going."

"Helene, this time it's ... um ...a little different."

"How's that?"

"This time I was in the Chamber with Uncle Herby."

"OMG! Help me! Help me!"

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In remaking The Fly as my contribution to this week's Friday Fictioneers based on the picture prompt above, I faced a daunting task. Both of the previous versions of The Fly made in 1958 and 1986 were quite good and very successful, and I had a budget of $2.25, no actors, and only 100 words to work with, although I always cheat on the words.

So I hit on the idea of introducing a new character:  Uncle Herby.  Hopefully you loved him.  If not, I'm sure you'll love the takes on the prompt by the other Friday Fictioneers which are materializing right now in the disintegrator- integrator if you click on it here.  

Now will somebody please get Uncle Herby's sexual organs off my forehead?

The Annual Convention of The Association of Corrupt, Depraved, and Biased Judges

Official Insignia:

The Association of Corrupt, Depraved,

 and Biased Judges

Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Fifth Annual Convention of The Association of Corrupt, Depraved, and Biased Judges.

I'm Perry Jury, President of the Association, and I'm happy that you were all able to take time off to attend our convention from your busy schedules of cooking evidence, issuing bogus rulings, and buying off witnesses and jurors.

We have a packed schedule of programs for you over the next three days although you'll notice that a number of them are not worth the money you paid for them.  Don't ya just love us!  Some of our newest seminars include "How to Laugh without Laughing Derisively," "What's the Deal with Honest Witnesses?" and "Screwing New York Businessmen."

After our guest speaker this morning, we're going to break into special subgroups as follows:

Jewish Judges Against Muslims will meet in Conference Room A.

Irish Judges against the English will meet in Conference Room B.

Italian Judges Against Anyone Who Doesn't Eat Pasta At Their Mother's House on Sunday Night, Conference Room C, and

Muslim Judges Against the Jews, Except Paul Rudd.  Gee, I guess nobody can help liking Paul Rudd.    This group will meet...

What's that, Mohammed? You and the Jewish judges want to have a joint meeting? You have a lot in common and always have a great time together? Sure, no problem!

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce our special guest speaker. He will discuss with us today how each one of us must unite to defeat the greatest threat our profession has ever faced, the man who has been on to us all along, that tireless champion of judicial reform and honesty, Mr. Donald J. Trump!  

Our guest speaker needs no introduction. He's been screwing non-Hispanic plaintiffs and defendants for many years now, God bless him! Please welcome.....

Judge Gonzalo Curiel!

Judge Curiel, please teach all us corrupt,depraved,and biased judges how to build a wall around Mr. Trump.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Mean to Tell Me I'm Typecast Forever as the Actor in the Actor Portrayal who has Gout?

Look, Sammy, I know you've been my agent for almost 15 years now, and, yes, you've done an awesome job!  

You got me that series with Paul Reiser and Steve Guttenberg about two Jews running a farm, Hebrew Hoe-Down, and I loved playing the wise-cracking Amish neighbor. And I was truly devastated when the show was cancelled in the middle of the second episode.

But, Sammy, in the last five years all you've gotten me is the actor portrayal of the guy with gout whose life is turned around after he asks his doctor about Jobomin!  All I ever get to say is "With Jobomin, Gout is Gone!"

What do you mean "get used to it?" Why?

You mean to tell me I'm typecast forever as the actor in the actor portrayal who has gout?

But I am an act-or, Sammy! I can act any disease you want including a full range of phobias, especially fear of being an unemployed actor!  

What's that?  Nobody will accept me in any other role ever again? People will lose faith in Jobomin if they see me playing golf with Arnold Palmer or singing “tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow?” with my last dying gasp to a baby? 

How do you know this? All those actors tried it, you say? Took roles unrelated to their actor portrayals, you say?  Out of the business now, you say? 

Selling siding, you say?  

  

But I played Hamlet in college!  I electrified them with "To be or not to be!" 

Better get used to electrifying them with "If you can handle the vomiting, sexual dysfunction, and high probability of painful hemmorhoids, Jobomin may be right for you?"

Funny, Sammy!

Hey, I heard there's a Jennifer Love Hewitt project that's ... nobody will ever buy me in a love scene with Jennifer Love Hewitt?  Unless she's comforting me about my gout? Well, how about with somebody flat-chested then?  Damn!

A cop show?  Maybe as a corpse, you say? As long as he had gout?

I can't believe this!  Look, Sammy, I'm not asking for Broadway. I'm not asking you to get me into Hamilton! Umm ... could you get me into Hamilton?

Only if they write in a character who has gout and goes to an 18^th century physician and instead of leaches gets Jobomin?  

This is terrible! I can't spend my life only playing guys who have gout. I can't keep saying over and over "Ask your doctor if Jobomin is right for him, let alone you."

Hey, what if they bring back My Mother the Car?

As the radiator, you say?  And no gout necessary?

Well, one can always hope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~