"I've Been Through the Cosmos From A Planet With No Name"

 

The slender silver disc landed directly on my front lawn and out popped a greenish elfin figure. 

“Greetings,” he spoke.“ I come in peace from across the cosmos.” 

“Welcome to Earth,” I said.  “And to Havertown PA, just outside  of Philadelphia, home of the Philadelphia Phillies. But tell me how do  you know our language?” 

“We have monitored your television broadcasts over many years. We especially love The Three Stooges. That Curly is hysterical!” 

“Yes, we like him the best of the three down here too.  Tell me, from which planet have you come?” 

“I've been through the cosmos from a planet with no name."

"Really?  A planet with no name? Sounds like a popular song from years ago."

 "Umm ... I think I might have heard that one too.  Now take me to your leader.” 

“Our leader?  But he’s an idiot.” 

“Oh, I know. I don’t mean him. I mean Governor Shapiro.” 

“I think I might be able to arrange that. But first can you tell me your name?” 

“It is Zardan.” 

“And now, please, your home planet must have a name.” 

“Yes, our home planet …  uh, uh … you're right, it does have a name ... that’s the planet from which I’ve come … yes, our home planet … Sure, yeah, homina, homina …. that’s the 7^th, rock from the sun.” 

“Oh, I know which one you mean now:  Uranus!’ 

“Shh, no, no, it’s not that one … not tha …. Well, okay, actually it is that one, but please don’t say it so loud!” 

“Why?”

 “Because it’s a completely embarrassing name!” 

“I have to admit generations of high school and middle  school students in science class on Earth have been giggling about Uranus … I mean ‘your planet’s name’ … since  time immemorial.” 

“So you see why we’re embarrassed.” 

“But then why didn’t you just tell me a made-up name like, say Pookieland?  We wouldn’t know the difference down here.” 

“You mean lie? Your president lies all the time and he’s a big fat blubbering slob.” 

“True, true,  but he always was. I have another idea before I arrange a meeting with Governor Shapiro.” 

“Yes?” 

"Why don't you tell me what the people on your home planet themselves call  your planet."

"That won't help at all."

“Why?” 

“Because by a strange quirk of fate …” 

“Yes?” 

“We also call it Uranus.”

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