The Sandwich Generation

They are called the Sandwich Generation and it's not difficult to see why. They are caught in a whipsaw between two generations, the one directly above them and the one directly below.

The Sandwich Generation consists of Baby Boomers and some folks a bit younger who have to take care of both their pre-college age children and aging parents. And it is a daunting responsibility because both generations eat lots of sandwiches, and you're the one who has to make them!

For the kids, you're pumping out family favorites like PBJs, BLTs, tuna fish, ham and cheese, and Nutella slathered on Wonder Bread at such speed and intensity you could almost fill up Chris Christie on a day that Donald Trump forgets to feed him.

Meanwhile the aging parent is upstairs clamoring for a corned beef on rye. While busily shifting gears from young Arthur's BLT you accidentally schmear mayo on the corned beef. If your parent is over 80 and Jewish, it may well be a near cataclysmic event.

Fortunately, support groups have sprung up throughout the country where you can share your worries and frustrations in a safe supportive environment and hopefully scope out tips on where to pick up day-old kaiser rolls and how to cut the crust off a tea sandwich without cutting off your fingers.

Ultimately there is hope for the Sandwich Generation.  In time the kids will leave home and the parents will take off for greener pastures (i.e. they'll be dead) and there will be no more sandwiches to make except those you want to eat yourself.

Then before you know it, you'll be on the tail end of the next Sandwich Generation with your kids frantically pushing out pbj's and turkey clubs to their unruly kids and garrulous old you.

And you'll be wishing like hell you were back in the middle of this Sandwich Generation.

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Blackberry Ringing (FF)

FF- Friday Fictioneers

copyright - Roger Bultot

Blackberry Ringing

(to the tune of Blackbird) 

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things, watch e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Not hard to theorize, it’s plain to see.

All your life.
Forever you’ll be waiting for a moment to be free. 

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night through the dark black night.

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night ‘til the broad daylight.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things and e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are only sated when an e-mail does arrive. 
With this gadget you are mated in an e-mail paradise. 

You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive. 

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I realize that "Blackerry Ringing" is a bit dated these days,  but iPhone ringing simply doesn't cut it.  Anyway, I always wondered what would have happened were the always ahead-of-their-time Beatles ever to have come face to face with modern technology and social media. 

This is one example; there's a couple more from the very early days of this blog in Meet the Beatles, Mr. Zuckerberg. Perhaps you have a few more ideas? In the meanwhile here are the ideas of the many other Friday Fictioneers regarding the picture prompt above.

Maybe I'll do a few more of these when I'm 64.  Ooops, already missed that!

What's In Your Wallet? or Why, This Isn't You!

What's in your wallet?  

I wonder if it's the same thing that's in mine.  If you're a Boomer, it probably is. 

In my wallet is a driver’s license with a picture on it that purports to be me. The problem is that the man in the picture is not me.  The man in the picture on my driver's license is most likely someone's grandfather, but certainly not me.

How did the picture of such an aged geezer get on my driver's license? I have theorized that there is a creature known as the Little Old Jewish Man or LOJM who leaps in front of camera any time I have a picture taken. If there is no LOJM, than the distorted and unappealing image upon the card may be the result of atmospheric disturbances, global warming, or some other bizarre phenomenon that is right now being over reported on CNN. 

Since my driver’s license is used frequently for ID purposes, I would expect to routinely hear these words from those whose job it is to scope it out: 

Why,  this isn't you! 

But oddly enough I never seem to hear them at all.

"Here's a pass for the 28th floor, sir.  I'll need to see an ID first, please."

"Umm, is that a picture ID you're asking for? I can give you lots of cards with my name on them.  Ah, this is one from Adams Warehouse."

"I'm sure that opens all doors for you at Adams Warehouse, sir. But I do need a picture ID, like a driver's license."

"Well, I'm afraid there's a problem with my driver's license.  The picture on it  doesn't look like me. If I show it to you, you're going to say 'Why, this isn't you!' and you won't let me up in the building!'"

"Try me."

"How about I get someone to vouch for me instead?  I know a lot of people on Twitter."

"Sir, the license!"

"Okay, okay,” I said, handing him my driver's license.  “But you'll see, you're about to say 'Why, this isn't you!'  And then I'll never get up in the building!"  

"That's you. Go on up."

"What? You're letting me up?"

"You're good to go."

"Without valid ID?! I want to see your badge number!"

Despite the fact that the picture on my card looks nothing like me, I never seem to get "Why, this isn't you!" Rather, I get admitted to wherever I wish to go, get to purchase whatever I want to purchase, and get permitted to do whatever it is I am seeking permission to do.

It isn't right. It isn't fair. 

Why?  Because it isn't me!

Since I so dislike that bogus picture on my driver's license, I took to carrying about a twenty year old license in which the man in the picture does indeed look just like me. Of course I carry it along with my current license since that is the one that must be shown when required.    

"Driver's license, registration, and insurance card,” said the traffic cop after I beautifully executed an illegal U-turn.

"Certainly, Officer, but I'm afraid there's a problem with my license."

"Just hand me the cards, sir!" he growled.

Ouch!  I was hoping I could explain the situation before he sees the counterfeit face upon the counterfeit card, but no such luck. I forked over the cards and gritted my teeth.

"Why, this isn't you!" he bellowed, thrusting the driver’s license into my face. 

And finally I heard those words!  At long last. 

"You see officer, it's the LOJM!” I scrambled to explain.  “Or some cosmic disturbance that made the picture look much older than I really am!”

I looked at the license thrust in my face.  It was the one from 20 years ago.

I gave the officer the license that deceptively depicts me and he accepted it and gave me a whopping ticket. But the experience was not a total loss. I did finally get to hear those golden words “Why, this isn’t you!”

Even if they were in response to a driver’s license dated 1996.

So what’s in your wallet?

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Yelp! I Need Somebody!

TWO

We Review the Reviews!

How do you know if a Yelp Review is worth your time? 

Trust Yelp Two!  We review the reviews.

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1) Perspiring Dragon Chinese Restaurant Review by Claude Freebish, January 5, 2016. Reviewed by Lance Blifil. 

When I heard that renowned Yelp restaurant reviewer Claude Freebish had written a new restaurant review, I couldn't wait to feast on his tasty prose. Freebish's latest review is of the Perspiring Dragon, a new Chinese restaurant in the Milton Mall, and it is yummy good. 

I immediately felt a welcoming tone in the first paragraph and the second paragraph ladled out writing that was purposeful, not wanton, and hot but never sour. The main portion  of the review was the extra-large third paragraph that Freebish served up with obvious pride! My buddy and I split reading the paragraph between us and we still had trouble finishing it.

True, the review is marred somewhat by Freebish’s unfortunate inability to distinguish between asparagus and broccoli and use of “alot,” but these are small quibbles.

Will I go back to reading Freebish again? You bet!

Anytime I’m hungry for a great restaurant review.

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2) Dr. Herbert Kropotkin Psychiatrist Review by Claude Freebish, March 13, 2016. Reviewed by Lance Blifil. 

When I heard that renowned Yelp restaurant reviewer Claude Freebish had branched out into a new area --- reviewing psychiatrists --- I didn't shrink from the opportunity to make a discrete appointment to read his first such review. That review is of Dr. Herbert Kropotkin and it is deeply analytical.

Freebish ushers us into the review with laid-back prose that makes you almost want to read the review lying on a couch, and the writing is so good you  feel guilty about Freebish reviews you read in the past that you didn't act upon. Oddly, the review seems to end abruptly; you almost feel cheated it wasn't ten minutes more!

True, the review is additionally marred by Freebish’s inability to distinguish between Freudian and Jungian analysis and use of “alot,” but these are small quibbles.

Will I go back to reading Freebish for psychiatric reviews?

Yes, anytime I’m anxious for a Freudian psychiatrist review. But for a Jungian one, I'd collect my collective unconscious and go elsewhere! 
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3) Tara LaMara Hot Babe Review by Claude Freebish, April 5, 2016. 
Reviewed by Lance Blifil.
 
When I heard that renowned Yelp restaurant and psychiatrist reviewer Claude Freebish had branched out into a new area --- reviewing hot babes --- I got very excited to jump on his latest review. That review is of Tara LaMara , an extremely hot cost accountant, and it is smokin' well-written!

In the first two paragraphs, Freebish peels back all the layers and promptly has his hands firmly around his topic. Then he thrusts himself in deeply, penetrating the subject fully. You won't need to pump him for details as his writing slides quickly back and forth across the page until he comes full force to his conclusions! Oddly enough thereafter he seems to lose interest in what he's writing about.

True, the review is marred somewhat by Freebish’s well-known inability to distinguish between boobs and tits and use of “alot,” but these are small quibbles.

Will I go back to reading Freebish again? You bet!

Anytime I’ve got the hots for a great hot babe review!


And coming soon:  Our Review Reviewer Lance Blifil reviews Claude Freebish's review of this year's Republican presidential candidates.  The paragraph on Donald Trump is totally nuts!

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