Sunday, May 1, 2016

Yelp! I Need Somebody!

TWO
We Review the Reviews!

How do you know if a Yelp Review is worth your time? 
Trust Yelp Two We review the reviews.
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1) Perspiring Dragon Chinese Restaurant Review by Claude Freebish, January 5, 2016. Reviewed by Lance Blifil. 

When I heard that renowned Yelp restaurant reviewer Claude Freebish had written a new restaurant review, I couldn't wait to feast on his tasty prose. Freebish's latest review is of the Perspiring Dragon, a new Chinese restaurant in the Milton Mall, and it is yummy good. 

I immediately felt a welcoming tone in the first paragraph and the second paragraph ladled out writing that was purposeful, not wanton, and hot but never sour. The main portion  of the review was the extra-large third paragraph that Freebish served up with obvious pride! My buddy and I split reading the paragraph between us and we still had trouble finishing it.

True, the review is marred somewhat by Freebish’s unfortunate inability to distinguish between asparagus and broccoli and use of “alot,” but these are small quibbles.

Will I go back to reading Freebish again? You bet!
Anytime I’m hungry for a great restaurant review.

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2) Dr. Herbert Kropotkin Psychiatrist Review by Claude Freebish, March 13, 2016. Reviewed by Lance Blifil. 
When I heard that renowned Yelp restaurant reviewer Claude Freebish had branched out into a new area --- reviewing psychiatrists --- I didn't shrink from the opportunity to make a discrete appointment to read his first such review. That review is of Dr. Herbert Kropotkin and it is deeply analytical.

Freebish ushers us into the review with laid-back prose that makes you almost want to read the review lying on a couch, and the writing is so good you may feel guilty about Freebish reviews you read in the past that you didn't act upon. Oddly, the review seems to end abruptly; you feel that it ought to have continued for ten minutes more.

The review is additionally marred by Freebish’s inability to distinguish between Freudian and Jungian analysis and use of “alot,” but these are small quibbles.

Will I go back to reading Freebish for psychiatric reviews?

Yes, anytime I’m anxious for a Freudian psychiatrist review. But for a Jungian one, I'd collect my collective unconscious and go elsewhere! 
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3) Tara LaMara Hot Babe Review by Claude Freebish, April 5, 2016. 
Reviewed by Lance Blifil.
 
When I heard that renowned Yelp restaurant and psychiatrist reviewer Claude Freebish had branched out into a new area --- reviewing hot babes --- I got very excited to jump on his latest review. That review is of Tara LaMara , an extremely hot cost accountant, and it is smokin' well-written!

In the first two paragraphs, Freebish peels back all the layers and promptly has his hands firmly around his topic. Then he thrusts himself in deeply, penetrating the subject fully. You won't need to pump him for details as his writing slides quickly back and forth across the page until he comes full force to his conclusions! Oddly enough thereafter he seems to lose interest in what he's writing about.

True, the review is marred somewhat by Freebish’s well-known inability to distinguish between asparagus and broccoli and use of “alot,” but these are small quibbles.

Will I go back to reading Freebish again? You bet!

Anytime I’ve got the hots for a great hot babe review!


And coming soon:  Our Review Reviewer Lance Blifil reviews Claude Freebish's review of this year's Republican presidential candidates.  The paragraph on Donald Trump is totally nuts!
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3 comments:

Russell said...

Dear Lance,
I think it only fair that someone does a review of the reviewer and I thank you for grabbing the bull by the tail and looking it square in the eye.

I can't really fault Freebish for his inability to distinguish one green vegetable from another, for as Donald Trump would say in regard to immigrants, "They all look alike to me." I do grow tired of his use of "alot" especially when "a whole bunch" would be more appropriate and demonstrate an ability to show rather than tell.

Would I read another of your reviews of his reviews. Absolutely. I might even review both reviews myself.

Respectfully,
Carl Clamdigger

Wanda Bates said...

Carl,
I enjoyed your review of the review reviewer alot!

Perry Block said...

I wanted to offer the following review of Carl Clamdigger's recent review of the reviews by Lance Blifil. The first paragraph is "only fair" in discussing review review reviews, but the second paragraph is a telling critique of review review reviews in our society and third paragraph skillfully weaves the use of the word or words "review" or "reviews" four times which may actually be one too many. All in all a fabulous review review review by Mr. Clamdigger. Now I'm off to have some clams and asparagus. Or is it clams and broccoli?