Brandon Block IS the Graduate

My son Brandon Block is The Graduate.  

This spring he's graduated from Johns Hopkins University where he has done quite well and is now back home for a time over the summer.  I'm a little concerned, however, that he may be taking his role as The Graduate just a bit too much to heart.

Lately the kid's been kind of listless, mostly just lying around the pool and drinking beer.

"Brandon," I said, "what's going on?  It's perfectly understandable that a young man who's done excellent work might want to relax a bit, but you're taking this to extremes."

"I'm a little concerned about my future, Dad," said Brandon.

"I am, too," I replied, "especially considering we don't have a pool."

"Some guy at the graduation party suggested I go into plastics."

"Plastics!  This isn't 1967. You’ll lose your shirt!"

Brandon's odd behavior continued.  One day soon after, he walked into the kitchen with a startling announcement.

"I hope you won't be too shocked, Dad, but I'm having an affair with Mrs. Robinson, the wife of your business partner."

"Frankly, Brandon, I am shocked.  Because I don't know anybody named Mrs. Robinson, and I don't have a business partner!"

"Nevertheless, I'm having an affair with Mrs. Robinson.  It began one night in a hotel where I also had an amusing interaction with a desk clerk played by actor/writer Buck Henry."

Now I was really concerned!  I was so concerned I discussed the situation with my psychiatrist, Dr. Kropotkin, but what he said was not all that reassuring, especially when he asked me if I could get him Buck Henry's autograph.

Then came the bombshell.

"Dad, I'm going to marry Elaine Robinson."

"Isn't that kind of a half-baked idea, son?"

"No, it's completely baked."

"No, Brandon, I mean it's half-baked in that  She's a fictional character! None of these people are real, they're characters in a movie!!! 

"Nevertheless, I am going to marry Elaine Robinson."

Two days later, I received a phone call that was the final straw.

"Who is this?  Dustin who?  I don’t know anybody named Dustin; nobody Jewish was ever named Dustin!”

Brandon did what?!  Disrupted Elaine Robinson's wedding and ran off with her?!!  He wants me to meet him where?!!!"

I sped to the address the man had given me, ran into the house, and incredibly there they all were: the late Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson, the late Murray Hamilton as Mr. Robinson, the young Katherine Ross as Elaine Robinson, and even Buck Henry!

"Brandon, how is this possible?!" I exclaimed. "How can you actually be The Graduate?"

"Everybody's The Graduate at some time or other, Dad.   Life's like that.  And then we move on to another movie."

"I think I get it," I said.  "And this is your time to be the Graduate. What movie's next for you?"

"Who knows? That's all part of the deal."

"Hey, Bran, if it turns out to be Casablanca?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Can you get me Bogey's autograph?"

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Brandon & older brother Brian, also a recent graduate from Fordham University with an MBA. Hard to believe I have such smart kids when I literally kept the Cliff's Notes company in business from years 1968 - 1972.
  

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If you liked this post, you may also like The Cosmic Case of Role Reversal,  He's Leaving Home, Bye-Bye,  and Riding in Cars with Boys.  If you hated this post,  I hope you never get Buck Henry's autograph!

Look Who's a Granddaddy Now (No, Not Me!)

You don't have to be as long in the tooth as we Boomers are to realize that most everybody relates in a big way to the stars of their own generation. 

That's why it comes as a bit of a shock to realize that we have reached a point in the evolution of the Baby Boomer generation where Dustin Hoffman, Richard Dreyfuss, and Henry Winkler are playing Jewish grandfathers.

Think of it: the young shark hunter from Jaws, The Graduate, and Fonzie himself schlepping around in plaid pants complaining about constipation, why grandkids never call, and how much they love the specials at IHOP  if you just can get there before 5:30.  

Richard Dreyfuss always radiated a youthful exuberance on screen from the days he actually was young in American Graffiti  and into his many more mature roles.  He began to look old for his age even then, but there was always that brash self-confidence that seemed young and vital no matter how much hair he lost or how gray the rest of it became. 

Few of his roles better captured the spirit of Richard Dreyfuss on screen than Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Jaws, in which he battled a man-eating beast with teeth a foot long and sharp as razors. 

Nowadays Richard Dreyfuss is more likely to be seen in a role with teeth in a glass rather than in the mouth of a marauding monster.

Nobody was bigger on television in the 1970's than Arthur Fonzarelli except maybe your Aunt Tessie when she fell on top of the Zenith and crushed the rabbit ears.  Henry Winkler played the Fonz as the bad boy with the not-so-hidden heart of gold who won over the hearts of young and old just as he won over Happy Days to become its unlikely star. 

Quintessential Fonzie places him standing at the mirror all set to comb his greasy mane and suddenly flinging his arms aside realizing that one cannot top perfection.

Nowadays if  Henry Winkler - who has already starred in his own reverse mortgage commercial - were to fling his arms aside at a mirror, the only perfection he'd likely achieve would be a perfect dislocation of his shoulder.  

You'd have to have been an older Boomer in the late 1960's to understand how The Graduate was the youth movie of 1967.  This was a pre-long hair era depiction of youthful alienation from American culture and values that struck we pre-long hairs as being just where we were head-wise (pre-long hair and otherwise) back in the day.

Dustin Hoffman expertly played the role as an befuddled but appealing everykid buffeted between uncertain messages from a well-meaning neighbor's "Plastics" to a not-so-well-meaning neighbor's "Gymnastics?"

Dustin Hoffman, of course, went on to one of the most distinguished careers in modern motion pictures, but how do young people see him today? As Ben Stiller's Dad and granddad of Ben's brood in Meet the Fochers and Little Fochers.

We of the Baby Boomer era should be happy when we see Dreyfuss, Winkler, Hoffman and others like Albert Brooks and Billy Crystal --- though now cinematic grandpappies all --- still active, sometimes starring, and for the most part going strong.

And we are.

Of course, hah, look at them!

I look way better, don't you think?

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Brandon Block IS The Graduate

It's hard to believe, but my son Brandon Block is The Graduate.  This spring he's graduated from high school and is headed off to college in the fall.  I'm a little concerned, however, that he may be taking his role as The Graduate just a wee bit too much to heart.

Lately the kid's been kind of listless, mostly just lying around the pool and drinking beer. 

"Brandon," I said, "what's going on?  It's perfectly understandable that a young man who's done excellent work might want to relax a bit, but you're taking this to extremes."

"I'm a little concerned about my future, Dad," said Brandon. 

"I am, too," I replied, "especially considering we don't have a pool."

"Some guy at the graduation party suggested  I go into plastics."

"Plastics!  This isn't 1967!"

Brandon's odd behavior continued.  One day soon after, he walked into the kitchen with a startling announcement.

"I hope you won't be too shocked, Dad, but I'm having an affair with Mrs. Robinson, the wife of your business partner."

"Frankly, Brandon, I am shocked.  Because I don't know anybody named Mrs. Robinson, and I don't have a business partner!"

"Nevertheless, I'm having an affair with Mrs. Robinson.  It began one night in a hotel where I also had an amusing interaction with a desk clerk played by actor/writer Buck Henry."

Now I was really concerned!  I was so concerned I discussed the situation with my psychiatrist, Dr. Kropotkin, but what he said was not all that reassuring, especially when he asked me if I could get him Buck Henry's autograph.

Then came the bombshell.

"Dad, I'm going to marry Elaine Robinson."

"Isn't that kind of a half-baked idea, son?"

"No, it's completely baked."

"No, Brandon, I mean it's half-baked in that  She's a fictional character! None of these people are real, they're characters in a movie!!! 

"Nevertheless, I am going to marry Elaine Robinson."

Two days later, I received a phone call that was the final straw.

"Who is this?  Mike Nichols? Mike Nichols who?!  Brandon did what?!  Disrupted Elaine Robinson's wedding and ran off with her?!!  He wants me to meet him where?!!!"

I  sped to the address the man had given me, ran into the house, and incredibly there they all were: the late Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson, the late Murray Hamilton as Mr. Robinson, the young Katherine Ross as Elaine Robinson, Dustin Hoffman as no one in particular, and even Buck Henry!

"Brandon, how is this possible?!" I exclaimed. "How can you actually be The Graduate?"

"Everybody's The Graduate at some time or other, Dad.   Life's like that.  And  then we move on to another movie."

"I think I get it," I said.  "And this is your time. What movie's next for you?"

"Who knows? That's all part of the deal."

"Hey, Bran, if it turns out to be Casablanca?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Can you get me Bogey's autograph?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Autographs anyone?

Man on the Cusp

I am poised on the cusp of an age I always thought was exclusively reserved for people’s parents.

Or I have already cusped. I’m not sure. Both as to whether I’ve already cusped and whether cusped is a word.

My name is Perry Block. I am 61 years old, born September 12, 1950. I am a Truman baby. 

I hate all of these facts.

I don’t even know what to call myself.

Am I middle-aged? 

Once that very expression struck the same terror in me that Bernie Madoff  feels every time he hears the words “your new roommate likes you,” and yet now I cling to that status as if it were a deck chair from the Titanic.

Am I a Senior? 

Once a welcome and desired euphemism for elderly, geezer, and Joan Rivers,  Senior is now the most hideous word in the English language except when used expressly to refer to somebody's kid who'll be graduating in the spring, unless he or she is required to take math.

Yet the International House of Pancakes calls me a Senior.  So does Super Fresh Markets, but at least they give me a 5% Senior discount without my having to first order their burnt-to-the-ground tilapia.

But I don’t want to be a Senior!

A Senior is Mr. Kropopski, who makes keys in the back of the hardware store.  A Senior is Mrs. Berkowitz, the bulbous bejeweled lady in the front row at the synagogue whose face has all the suppleness of a Shar Pei.  A Senior is that sunken-chested guy with the faded sports cap and wrinkled burgundy warm-up jacket at the Little League game who's always pointing a bony finger  towards the players and saying:

Yessiree, that's me grandson Timmy!!!

And a Senior is also Dustin Hoffman, Richard Dreyfus, and Henry Winkler.  Once they were The Graduate, the young shark hunter from Jaws, and the Fonz.

Now they play Jewish grandfathers.

I am continually amazed by ads for so-called "Plus 55 communities" where the residents ostensibly my age and depicted as joyfully engaging in water aerobics, organic gardening, and the savoring of fine cuisine in the community's award-winning dining room which closes daily at 6:00 P.M. have the appearance of Gertie and Sol Goldstein in my 1963 Bar Mitzvah photo album minus a cumulative 185 pounds, dramatically sobered up, and dropped into golf clothing.

Why would I want to live somewhere where I have to spend my days looking at people who look just as lousy as I do?  

I have seen actors and movie stars who were in the prime of life during my childhood  and early adulthood grow old,  lose their looks and careers,  pass silently away, and yet continue to appear regularly on television looking young and vibrant, thoughtlessly reminding me whenever I see them that they’re dead!

I am closer to being 80 years old than I am to being 40.   

I always used to think that people who were 80 years old were perfectly happy to be 80 years old.  They were into being 80 years old.  They were good at being 80 years old.

Guess what? 

None of that is true. Eighty year old guys want to be 40 year old guys having sex with Scarlett Johansson and Sophia Vergara and Mrs. Pressman who lives on the next block and takes in the newspaper in her negligee.

Know how I know that?

I’m a 61 year old guy and I want to be a 40 year old guy having sex with Scarlett Johansson and Sofia Vergara and Mrs. Pressman who lives on the next block and takes in the newspaper in her negligee.  

Especially Mrs. Pressman.  

I didn’t have to interview a shitload of 80 year old guys to ascertain that they feel the same way. So where does all this leave me?

My  17 year old son Brandon tells me that I should accept what is and embrace my age.

I say I should give my age A KICK IN THE BALLS!

My name is Perry Block. I am 61  years old, born September 12, 1950. I am a Truman baby. 

I hate all of these facts ….

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