Monday, March 14, 2016

Proselytizing Rhythm

 I was sitting in a neighborhood burger joint eating a hamburger when a middle-aged man approached me.

"Excuse me," the guy said," I was wondering if by any chance you are Joe Dorfman."

Now I don't happen to be Joe Dorfman, but I always like to please whoever I'm with whenever I'm with them.  
So fighting off my burning desire to say "yes, I am indeed Joe Dorfman," I replied:

"No, sorry, I'm not."  

Good Going, Perry.

"You sure look like him," the guy replied, "although now that I see you more closely, he's younger than you."


"Mind if I sit here a minute?" he asked.

Well, why not? I'm all alone here with my hamburger and frankly, a slab of cooked ground meat is not very good company.

"Sure," I said, "my name is Perry."

“I’m George, good to meet you,” he said taking a seat.  “By the way, Joe is a minister of the Church of Jesus Christ Amen Hallelujah 2.0. Ever heard of it?"

"Can't say that I have.  I have heard of Jesus Christ though."

"Well, that's great! Tell me," asked George, "what religion are you?"


That’s an odd question to ask someone you’ve just met, especially someone whose ethnicity is so obvious
that once years ago a clerk armed with a message meant for a Mr. Hirschberg waded through a crowded hotel lounge at great effort to present it proudly and directly to me.

"I'm Jewish,” I answered.

"Well, how about that!" enthused George. "A lot of my good friends are Jewish!"

Wow. What’s next?

“By the way, Perry, would you pass along to whichever one of you controls the media on Tuesday nights that I’d like ‘Alf’ back on?”

"I’ve always felt,” George continued happily, “that the Jewish people are our spiritual forebears."


"Why don’t you stop by Joe's congregation,” George said, “and pay us a visit?”

I hesitated. I’ve heard this kind of thing before. Don’t want to insult him. 

But I was in no mood now to please him either.

"I’m sorry, George. I’m kind of into being a Jew. Just like you’re into being an Amen Hallelujah 2.0.”

Good going, Perry.

George graciously accepted my turn-down and politely peeled off, presumably to call Joe Dorfman and tell him that Amen Hallelujah 2.0 had today failed to reel in a neighborhood Jew.

I often wonder why some people think there’s only one way to make it to heaven. If there is somebody up there, it’s hard to believe he or she would design things to work in such a bureaucratic manner.

I wish people like George would give that some thought. 

And stop thinking so small about the infinite.



Con Chapman said...

After Jews for Jesus popped up on my college campus, I started Catholics for Copernicus.

Perry Block said...

Catholics for Copernicus I might join. Thanks for writing, Con!

Russell said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not telling George about me and my cute beard. Frankly, I don't have that many Jewish friends because a.)There are not many Jews in my neck of the woods, and b.)The Jews who DO know me avoid me like I'm an old testament plague--that's before I even ask them for money.

I'm glad you cleared up that whole proselytize thing, for a minute I was afraid you were going to pick on people who have wooden legs.

Perry Block said...

I wanted to ask you, Russell. Have you found cute beards? Well then let me tell you about the Church of Perry Block of Guys with Cute Beards. The only Old Testament Plague we have is having to hang out with me.