Monday, April 29, 2013

The Second Worst Baby Boomer Nightmare Ever

Hello, I'm Bob Dylan.

Y'know, folks our age often find they need some extra income to do all the things they'd like, limited though these things may be.  Often as debts pile up high, people entering the Golden Years find themselves lucky if they can afford bingo and shuffleboard, let alone checkers! 

King me, Judy Collins!

Now there's an answer for folks like you and me and Judy.   The good people at American Friends Happy Face Financial recently asked me to chat with you about a great opportunity called a Re-verse Mortgage.  If you're 62 or older and own your own homes like I do --- I mean, own your own home --- this is a Godsend for you!  And that's whether you're Jewish or Christian, or alternate between both of them like I do.

How does it work?  There must be some kind of way to tell you!

Hit it, Joni Mitchell!

Before the bank makes final demand?
How many payment pleas do they by Jove him assail
Before they grab him by his gland?
Yes, and how many times must they kick his balls awry
Before he's forever de-manned?
The answer, my friend, is Re-verse Mortgagin' 
The answer is Re-verse Mortgagin'. 

Yes, and how many years can bills mounting persist
Before over them you can't see?
Yes, and how many years can some people subsist
Before they're financially free?
Yes, and how many times till you turn your homestead
Into bucks insured by FDIC?
The answer, my friend, is Re-verse Mortgagin' 
The answer is Re-verse Mortgagin'. 

Yes, and how many times must a man fuck up
Before he can see what is why?
Yes, and how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear me decry?
Yes, and how many debts will it take till it shows
You're wearing clothes in which people have died?
The answer, my friend, is Re-verse Mortgagin' 
The answer is Re-verse Mortgagin'. 

How does it  feel to get Re-verse Mortgage?  You'll be thinking that  you've got it made! 

So call your good friends and neighbors at American Friends Happy Face Financial right now!  

Joan Baez is standing by.



marie bo said...

song to a mortgage company:

"you've got a lot of nerve
to say you are m friend
when I was down
you just stood there grinning

you've got a lot of nerve
to say you've got a helping hand to lend
you just want to be on the side that's winning"

positively fourth street

Perry Block said...

Great job, Marie! I'm sure you'll get a call from Bob Dylan, the new Michael Jordan.

K.D. McCrite said...

All I can say to anyone about mortgages, reverse or otherwise, is this: Keepa yo' grubby hands offa my own home.

Perry Block said...

You know, kd, I never realized it, but ...

You take just like a woman
And you ache just like a woman
And you wake just like a woman
Yeah but you break just like a little girl

Now, I've got a mortgage for you with a rate way too good to pass up!

norm cowie said...

I can't top any of this. No musical or lyrical talent at all.

Perry Block said...

Me either. That's why I sing and dance over the internet only!

Here's something in a similar vein you may enjoy ...

It's the third post down, so you can skip the first two if you like.

Russell said...

She was working in a topless bank
And I stopped in for a loan
I couldn’t keep my eyes on her face
so I gave her the deed to my home
Before I could speak she drew up the papers
showed me where to sign my name
I was thinking I didn’t do too bad
a Reverse Mortgage didn’t sound so lame
She muttered something underneath her breath
about the cost of funerals these days
I must admit I felt a little uneasy
When she noticed the front of my pants was wet
Tangled up in debt.

Perry Block said...

Russell, I don't even have to think twice, that's all right! In fact, BRILLIANT!

We don't even need Mr.Dylan to make money on Re-verse Mortgages. Let's just grab Joan Baez and go!