As the legend goes, the old gnarled tree atop of Ebert's Hill comes alive before the eyes of one who chants the special incantation at midnight whenever a full moon shines above. I fell into possession of the incantation and ventured forth to see if the legend was true.
"Dominos Pizzos Deliveros," I intoned on that windswept night six years ago.
The jagged branches of the old gnarled tree began moving and transforming, taking the shape of a beautiful young maiden. The tree's roots lifted out of the ground and became feet, and the woman walked toward me.
"Thank you for my liberation," she said, "I pray your captivity will not be long." I felt my middle thickening, my arms twisting and freezing into place, and my feet sprouting and digging themselves deeply into the ground.
I've heard of "popping a woody," folks, but this is ridiculous!
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Don't worry: if it's me falling, you'll hear me screaming all across the internet even if your PC is turned off!
This is my weekly contribution to the Fabulous Friday Fictioneers, and yep, I'm well over the 100 word limit at 146 words this week but I'm a tree, for goodness sake, so what the hell do you want? When you're ready to check out whether the other fictioneers put good wood on the ball, click the link above which also includes the special incantations that make up the ground rules here atop of Ebert's Hill, and yes, I did choose the name to honor the late film critic.
Think that you will never see a poem lovely as a tree? Take another look at me, and see you next Friday.
haha hilarious... Dominos Pizzos Deliveros
Yep, and I got fast delivery too, all right! Thanks for writing.
That was hilarious and sure with a beautiful maiden you might turn woody, but this is taking it a little bit far.
I liked this very much. An odd mixture of funny (with the incantation) and something much more sinister.
Love the chant and how he ended up captive of the tree.
If it doesn't go away in four hours get to a doctor, or perhaps a tree surgeon. Great story, Perry.
Janet says it's a good thing no one came by with a chainsaw. Me? My mind splintered off in a zillion directions. I'm barking your praises.
lol. thought the maiden would bring pizza, but she turned you into a tree. Thanks for the laugh:)
I loved the incantation. Very funny.
Hilarious - as was your reason for going over the word count! Great stuff :)
Great command of the Latin ... except, you forgot the "pass the Nabiscos" (always said at Rochelle's mom's Mah-Jongg get-togethers).
Also very cautionary about getting what you want only to find out it ain't what you thought (or some crap like that).
Seriously, though, fun story!!! Thanks, Perry!
Yes, a six year long woody is a bit much!
Dominos Pizzos Deliveros? Turned out to be very sinister, and the pizza wasn't too good either!
Thank you. Feel like coming to free me?
Erection lasting longer than six years, call the doctor. After you receive the celebratory parade, maybe they'll find a way to do something about it ...
Wouldn't be the first time that's happened to be, figuratively and literally. Thanks, Rochelle!
Yeah, just a pizza would have been fine. Thanks!
I think it came from Macbeth originally. That Shakespeare knew his stuff!
I'm a tree, damn it, what do people want from me?!
Yes, cautionary is what I'm all about. What do people think is funny about all this?
I'm a tree, damn it!
Thanks for the laugh.
I'm being eaten alive by woodpeckers and you're laughing? Now I know who my friends are!
Great! It made me laugh, but I do feel for your plight. That's the old turnaround - and one of the only ways of getting out of a spell. "Pizzos Deliveros?"
Maybe once they finally deliver the damn pizza, I'll be free! Of course, I guess it'll be a bit cold and I have no microwave ...
Very funny Perry. That's it, next time I'm switching to Papa John's, you can't be too careful. :)
Now I remember! It's the Papa John's incantation where you don't turn into the tree and the young maiden goes off with you.
There really is a difference in take-out pizza, I guess ...
Amazing you could even type with your branches!! I hop you are released soon.
Well, you now know the incantation. Come release me!
Oh, I thought you had found Charlotte for a second! Doh!! Woody, indeed, but not the kind you wanted. Sorry, Charlie. Very imaginative take on the prompt. I enjoyed it!
Yep, not the kind I wanted and no Charlotte either. Maybe Joe will come release me?
Provocative !!! I had a feeling sooner or later, some male FFer was going to present something kinky... ahhhh...a 6 yr. woody indeed.
I wondered what that big knot was. I just knew pizza was bad for you.
Yes, but after year 5, I finally did break down and see my doctor. Fortunately, he couldn't do anything about it ...
I'm surprised you were able to see the teeny-weeny knot.
Lol, you ain’t right! Was Ebert’s Hill an ode to the passing of Roger Ebert or a coincidence?
An ode. Squeezed in, to be sure, but an ode.
That's a hilarious incantation! Dominos isn't the only one that delivers, with the spell forcing a woody prison. Six years is a long time!
Yep, I'm sure looking forward to it! Thanks for writing.
I guess like magic, along with Dominos pizza, always has a price to pay for it. Great story.
At least the pizza I could afford!
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