I knew it was time.
It had to end. I had to face it, and I had to act.
I called Carrie Bailey, the hot 32 year old woman I'd now known for two years, and asked her to meet me in that favorite corner cafe we both loved so much.
"Perry, lunch was such a nice surprise," said Carrie. "Is there something on your mind?"
"Dearest Carrie," I began nervously, 'I need to tell you something."
"Yes, Perry?" Carrie asked sympathetically.
"For quite some time now, I've ... umm, err ... been having fantasies in which you and me have sex. Wild passionate uninhibited sex. "
"Gosh, Perry," Carrie fumbled, a bit embarrassed, "I'm ... I'm kind of flattered, I guess. But you don't have to tell me this."
"Yes, I do, Carrie," I said. "Because the thing is .... I'm breaking up with your fantasy!"
"I ... I beg your pardon?"
"I'm breaking up with your fantasy. Thinking about sex with you just doesn't do it for me anymore."
"Well, frankly you're starting to look a little older to me. I'm seeing wrinkles, you're not as fresh faced as you used to be, and honestly Carrie, you could afford to drop a few pounds."
"Wait a minute! Are you trying to tell me that ..."
"That's right: It's not me, it's you."
"But why don't you have me doing something new to you? I could give you one hell of a fantasy ...."
"It's no use, you've done that! You and me have done just about anything and everything, and still there's nothing happening down below!"
"I can't believe it! You can't mean it!"
"Carrie, I'm sorry but I have to break up with your fantasy."
"Well, I'm not accepting this fantasy breakup! You call me here and tell me you're not going to fantasize sex with me anymore and I'm supposed to take it?!! No way, mister!!!"
"But, Carrie, be reasonable ..."
"Are you fantasizing about someone else? Who the hell is she, the bitch! Are you thinking about boffing her right now?!!"
"That doesn't matter, Carrie, the thing is ...."
"How could you, you two-timing bastard?! Your fantasy breakup has ruined my life!!!"
For days after, Carrie was furious and wouldn't speak to me. Then one day she showed up at my doorstep.
"Perry, there's only one answer," she said. "We need to have actual sex."
And we did. And it was wonderful!
The only thing is, this last part didn't happen; it's my new Carrie Bailey fantasy. And it works great!
Breaking up is hard to do.
And fortunately for me and Fantasy Carrie Bailey, we didn't have to.
Fare thee well, Fantasy Carrie ...
If you liked this post, you might also like Like Sex for Chocolate, Pulling a Willard, and Directress of My Dreams.
If you hated this post, I hope your fantasy girlfriend dumps you and runs off with your fantasy best friend, and I hope he's me!
Oh Perry, you promised! I won't be two timed by another woman. There should be only room for me in your fantasies.
Is this a twist on "Field of Dreams"..."if you fantasize it, she will come."
Oops. Bad pun.
Perry, life must be boring for you if you're fantasizing this now. They say when we're bored, we tend to think about sex more. LOL!!
Don't worry, Jena! There is and will always be only room for you in my fantasies.
Who the fuck are you anyway?
Terrible pun, especially from a professor!
As for field of dreams, frankly none of my fantasies took place in a field and absolutely none involved Kevin Costner ...
Libby, pardon me if I don't write much of a message back to you; I'm just so incredibly bored...
Whatevs, I can take anyone's fantasy on....
Okay then! I'm picturing you, me, and that giant ogre in the first Harry Potter movie. First I take off my shirt and ... are you paying attention?
Don't get swelled heads or anything, but I think this is one of your better posts. I actually learned something useful. I've been wanting to break up with my fantasy for several months now, but didn't know how to bring it up without devastating her. I guess there's no easy way to do it, rejection always hurts.
I know what I'll do--I'll tell her what a great fantasizer YOU are. Maybe you can pick her up on the rebound to help soften the blow.
I'm on the ogre's shoulders, guess what part you get. :D xxxxx
I just killed the ogre! It's you and me, DPB ...
What the hell, Perry! Already fantasizing about somebody else...
Hey, have some heart. I'm newly dumped and already you're setting him up with your former fantasy girl. What did i do to you?
Ultimately, I think this is for the best. You can still fantasize that I am your friend if it helps. I will however be needing back all the money you fantasized about borrowing from me.
I'm showing up at Carrie's place with a bouquet of pretend flowers... and nothing else!
I'm sorry, Carrie, but I need some distance. I'm going to have to fantasize that you are off in some cockamamie far off country like New Zealand getting some cockamamie graduate degree or other. Don't worry; it'll only be for two years.
She loves pretend flowers, Clark; bet you'll be pretend nailing her in no time!
A swelled head is exactly what I'm aiming for, Russell! Ba-ding-ding!
Carrie, Russell is a heartless cad, but don't worry --- I've fixed him good. I've been having ACTUAL sex with his fantasy girlfriend!
Which is a pretty neat trick because she's a composite of three real people and doesn't exist. Keeps me hopping ...
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