Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Like Sex for Chocolate



What’s the big deal about sex?

Why has it built and toppled empires, ruined the lives and careers of world figures from Eliot Spitzer to Adam and Eve, and dominated the thoughts and actions of people throughout all of recorded time?

After all, it’s nothing more than a transitory pleasurable experience in a relatively small part of the body.

Eating chocolate, on the other hand, produces a much more sustained period of pleasure which extends from your mouth and taste buds all the way down to your tummy!

 “Hey, Brad,” I said to my buddy the other day. “Your date last night? You eat chocolate with her?”

“What do you think, dude?  Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, you name it.  She even.…umm....truffled me!”

“Wow!” I thought. Not every woman will do that.

“Seems like you’re eating chocolate with a lot of different women these days,” I said. “What’s your secret?”

“Once you get ‘em into your apartment, you put on the soft music, pour on the charm, then bring out the Godiva! Before you know it you’re both headed up the Hershey Highway, her with nuts and you without!’’

I had to admit I was jealous. I hadn’t eaten chocolate with a woman in years. Frankly, I’d been spending a lot of time at home on the internet looking at a site I’d found where this super hot redhead was taking on an entire Whitman’s Sampler!  Naturally I’d be frantically pounding down M&Ms all the while watching!

Come on, don’t act so shocked!  Like you haven't done that too!

I often wonder why we’re all of us just so damn obsessed with chocolate. As we all know, just about every guy on the planet wants to eat chocolate with as many attractive women as he can as often as he can.

Kinsey and Masters & Johnson tell us that women love chocolate just as much as men do, but they seem to be constructed differently.  Most women, more or less, want to be in love with a guy before they’ll hop on his Mounds or eat his Almond Joy!

What? You don’t think this whole concept is funny? You’ve sorry you wasted a couple of minutes on it?

Fudge you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

13 comments:

K.D. McCrite said...

Gee, Perry, now that you've boldly brought all this to my attention, I forget that I'm tired or that my husband worked 12 hours yesterday. I think I'll go wake him up and see what he thinks about me bringing Russell Stover into the house.

Perry Block said...

kd,
Sorry to have to break it to you, but Russell Stover is much more likely to be interested in "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" than going into the house with you....

K.B. Owen said...

LOL! Loved this, Perry. Thx for the laugh!

Perry Block said...

Thanks for the laugh.

That's what most women I eat chocolate with say.

Oh, well. Thanks for the comment, Kathy....

kdmccrite said...

Perry, I have news for you! Russell Stover comes to my house just as often as I let him. Then he hangs around and hangs around and hangs around, just clinging to me. Right now, I've invited in Jenny Craig to help me get rid of him. Which is why I never should have read your post and given thought to ole Russ.

Carol said...

Okay, you made me laugh and now I'm craving um chocolate!

Perry Block said...

Always happens, Carol. If there's no chocolate available, best thing to do is think about sex...

kdmccrite said...

Hey Perry.

I'll tell you something, pal. I am exhausted from writing two books at the same time and trying to keep my house from looking like Fred Sanford ought to move out. These days, my hubby works 12-14 hours a day and when he gets home, all he does is take a shower then fall into bed where he passes out immediately. We're both dead, or close to it. But after reading this blog, I believe I'll nudge him awake to see what he'd think if I brought Russell Stover into the house again. Russ has been here more than once, and he always brings that special spark with him. *wink, wink*

Perry Block said...

I really hate to be the one to break it to you, kd, but these days Russell Stover is far more likely to be "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" than into being brought into your house again.

kdmccrite said...

Don't you believe it! I've been known to turn men. At least turn their heads, and maybe that was their stomachs.

The last time Russell Stover was here, all wrapped in finery, he was an empty, empty fellow before I set him out with the rest of the trash. I know it's been while but I'd be willing to give him another chance.

Perry Block said...

Known to turn men? Apparently with Mr. Stover, that's precisely what you did...

Winonah said...

I disagree with one of the points you made. I think women love chocolate more than men, and I'm willing to put that to the test!

Perry Block said...

Oy vay, Winonah!

I think any kind of reply by me to your comment would be against the law in at least 27 states and would probably have me barred from ever again attending Hershey Park in Hershey PA!

But thank you for giving me something to think fondly about the next time I'm biting into a mallomar ....