Top Ten Reasons We'll Miss David Letterman

10) When will we ever get the chance to see Tom Hanks again?

9) If I want to have any fun anymore, I'm going to have to throw a bowling ball off the top of the Ed Sullivan Theater.

8) Aging Baby Boomers no longer able to reassure themselves with "Gee at least I'm holding up lots better than Dave."

7) Even as lame as they've been in recent years, Letterman Top Ten Lists way funnier than crap like this.

6) Hate to think of impeccably tailored Letterman sitting around the house in his pajamas playing Candy Crush.

5) Unless Lauren Hutton makes surprise comeback, that's it for gap-toothed celebrities.

4) Nagging fear that as soon as show is over, Paul Shaffer will write vicious tell-all book. 

3) Dave's Mom won't be coming to our house with pie anymore.

2) Without daily dose of Dave, Ryan Seacrest will seem hip.

And the No. 1 Reason we'll miss David Letterman, 

1) Jimmy Fallon.


And thank you, Dave, for 31 years of hip quirky late night entertainment with its own unique perspective and attitude.

We'll miss you. 

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Verdict: Brian Williams!

DATELINE L.A. FOR 

PEOPLE COOLER THAN YOU

A Shocking Lack of Credibility!

June 14, 2015 ....  Dateline L.A. for People Cooler than You has learned that NBC has completed a comprehensive investigation regarding  former NBC Nightly News Anchor Brian Williams which has proven categorically that Mr. Williams has "misremembered" far more about his past than the incident in which he claimed to have been riding in a helicopter under fire in Iraq.

The NBC Investigation has revealed a staggering number of additional events Mr. Williams has "misremembered" including:

• Upon birth, Mr. Williams immediately spoke French, German, and Czech, though his use of the idiom in Czech was so-so.

• As quarterback of the high school football team,  Mr. Williams' mighty passing arm and expert play calling led his team to four straight undefeated seasons. With typical modesty, he credited the guys who "block on the line" and the scrawny equipment manager with making the sole difference that led to the championships.

• As a political science major at George Washington University,  Mr. Williams developed the concepts of divided government, separation of Church and state, res ipsa loquitur, corpus juris secundum , veni vidi vici, and Pig Latin.  

• Mr. Williams once threw himself on a live grenade to save a busload of children in Pakistan. That he was in New York at the time is notable.

• At a convention of Supermodels in Las Vegas at which he spoke in July 2009, Mr. Williams made passionate love to over 14 such models,  all of whom were quoted as saying that not only did Mr. Williams make the earth move, he made it twerk.

• Mr. Williams did in fact storm the Normany Beaches in France on June 6, 1944 by virtue of a time machine that he himself had fully conceived and single-handedly built in 2004.  He received both the Purple Heart and the Crayola Heart, which represents such valor it encompasses every color there is. 

• Mr. Williams gives 100% of his income to charity and lives in a small cardboard box under US I-95

The key finding of the NBC Investigation is that at the very time as all these actual and fully verified events were taking place, Mr. Williams was stating to others that he had been shopping for dental picks at Walmart! 

Based upon the investigation, President of NBC News Deborah Turness has stated that "Mr. Williams' shocking lack of credibility in claiming to be in Walmart while actually performing world-class heroic feats is certainly cause for immediate termination, but I have decided instead to reassign him to the position of announcer on the Jimmy Fallon Show, where night after night he will have to pretend that Mr. Fallon is funny." 

Dateline L.A. for People Cooler than You thinks this is apt punishment indeed for this phony baloney!  And BTW, Brian, ummm, you got any numbers left over from that time in Vegas?

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For Whom The Bell Tolls

In every age throughout recorded history, the ringing of a bell has been synonymous with the beginnings of something new and exciting but untested. Perhaps the most dramatic instance of such was the ringing of the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia PA on July 4, 1776 to herald the birth of a new nation.

No one knew what the future held for the fledgling enterprise. Whether it would survive and meet with success or die a quick and ignominious death was unknown and unfathomable.   Only time and the judgment of history would tell.

On February 17, 2014, the Comcast Bell, also in Philadelphia PA, rang to herald the birth of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.

Only time and the judgment of history will tell.

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Jimmy Fallon?   Amiable, good-looking, and young.   Funny?   I'm not so sure, but time and the judgment of all of us will tell.   

One thing is for sure though:  The Friday Fictioneers are amiable, good-looking, and young (well, some of them anyway) and are ready to ring your chimes if you click here. Some of them are even funny, like Russell  --- and maybe from time to time, even a little bit me. 

For whom the bell tolls?  Me.  I'm outta here!