Top Ten Reasons We'll Miss David Letterman

10) When will we ever get the chance to see Tom Hanks again?

9) If I want to have any fun anymore, I'm going to have to throw a bowling ball off the top of the Ed Sullivan Theater.

8) Aging Baby Boomers no longer able to reassure themselves with "Gee at least I'm holding up lots better than Dave."

7) Even as lame as they've been in recent years, Letterman Top Ten Lists way funnier than crap like this.

6) Hate to think of impeccably tailored Letterman sitting around the house in his pajamas playing Candy Crush.

5) Unless Lauren Hutton makes surprise comeback, that's it for gap-toothed celebrities.

4) Nagging fear that as soon as show is over, Paul Shaffer will write vicious tell-all book. 

3) Dave's Mom won't be coming to our house with pie anymore.

2) Without daily dose of Dave, Ryan Seacrest will seem hip.

And the No. 1 Reason we'll miss David Letterman, 

1) Jimmy Fallon.


And thank you, Dave, for 31 years of hip quirky late night entertainment with its own unique perspective and attitude.

We'll miss you. 

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The Top Ten Reasons It Was Time For David Letterman To Go

The announcement that David Letterman is to resign in 2015 took by surprise only the most out-of-touch brain dead individuals, that is, Republican members of the House of Representatives. 

Once the hippest thing on television since the advent of Saturday Night Live, Dave's brand of "so silly it's funny" humor has become about as fresh and vibrant as sex with your wife following an anniversary dinner at Olive Garden. Therefore we herewith present the top ten reasons it's time for Dave to ride off into the sunset, as follows: 

 The Top Ten Reasons It Was Time
 For David Letterman To Go

10) Wanted to spend more time with his son while he could still throw a ball and, more importantly, remember what one is. 

9) Top Ten lists have become so unfunny lately numbers 3 and 7 have been known to storm off the set.

8) Rupert G. constantly jacking up prices for corned beef whenever he sees Dave coming.

7) Late Night writers jumping at the chance to leave the show for Duck Dynasty.

6) Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra making way too much money playing central Jersey Bar Mitzvahs to stick with this dead end gig.

5) Dave's gap tooth appears to be closing, wreaking havoc on his entire charisma. 

4) Remember when Connie Chung and Dave had a special relationship and she used to be on the show all the time?  Who the hell is Connie Chung?  Exactly my point!

3) Abe Vigoda constantly asking everyone he sees "I don't look anywhere near as lousy as Dave, do I?"

2) Dave been mailing it in lately? CBS asks studio audience if they want material sent registered or certified before Dave even comes on stage.

And the Number One Reason 1 It Was Time For David Letterman To Go

1) Because Baby Boomers aren't already depressed enough about our icons biting the dust.

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Despite this good-natured jab,  David Letterman is an American original and true comedy legend.  I hope he'll be around in other contexts for years to come. We will miss him.