Chris Matthews Walks in On His Wife in Bed with Another Man and Still Won’t Let Anyone Else Get a Word in Edgewise

“OMG, Chris, you’re home!

“Kathleen - in bed with someone I’ve never met. Let’s play hardball!”

“Chris, I can explain …”

“Explain?  It’s been a week when explanations have been singularly lacking from the White House or Congress.  An explanation of the positioning of the man next to you in bed would be copacetic given today’s uncertain political climate.”

“Chris, it all started when I ran into …"

“I know, ran into Josh Mandelbaum. I recognize Josh now as a reporter for Reuters who used to hold administrative positions in the second Bush administration.  Josh, are you serious about my wife?”

“First, Chris, I want to say it’s good to be with you …”

“Good to be with you too, Josh. There’s many questions I’d like to ask you regarding how W would have reacted in situations where Trump is predictably floundering. But first about Kathleen.”

“Chris, I never meant ….”

“Back in Philadelphia where I come from I find that people who say they never meant - especially those from the corner of Broad and Girard -  have in reality been carefully planing their misdeeds from the very start.  Kathleen, thoughts?”

“Chris, you’re never home. And you never listen…”

“Of course I listen, sometimes for multiple seconds at a time.  Josh, your intentions about Kathleen?”

“Honestly, Chris, this is only the first time that …”

“I see some indecision on your part, Josh.  It might help you to think about what Bobby Kennedy would do. As Kathleen knows, I have a new book out about Bobby Kennedy, who is a personal hero of mine along with his brother Jack, called Bobby Kennedy: A Raging Spirit available at Barnes & Nobel, Amazon, and fine bookstores everywhere.”

“Chris, it’s not about Josh, but I’m leaving …”

“That’s one of a host of options, Kathleen, and I’ll be hanging to see if that’s the one you do elect. Now, tell me something I don’t know. Josh?”

“Chris, I want to apologize to you …"

“That’s refreshing, Josh, because apologies are something in short supply from this guy who's currently serving as president. Kathleen, tell me something I don’t know.”

“As I said, Chris, I’m leaving ...”

“I think you’ve already made that point clearly and succinctly, Kathleen, and it doesn't bear repeating. Now ... umm ... you there? ... tell me something I don’t know.”

“Chris?”

“Yes, Kathleen?”

“There’s only two guests on the panel … I mean, in the bed … today. Not three.”

“That’s okay.  If there were a third, I wouldn’t let them speak anyway.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Like Chris Matthews, I've got a new book out called Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute.  If you liked this post, you'll love my book.  If you hated this post, I hope Chris Matthews comes to your house and you never get the chance to speak again for your entire life!

Most Obnoxious: Fox News or MSNBC?

Fox News' O'Reilly and Hannity;

Obnoxious yes, but will they earn the brass ring?

At long last, everyone, it's time to vote!

Obama vs. Romney? 

Nah, we were sick of those two long ago.

It's time to vote in the all-important election to determine which of America's two most highly celebrated highly biased television networks is the most obnoxious:

Fox News or MSNBC?

In the right corner we have Fox News, that handmaiden of the Republican Party owned by Rupert Murdoch,  that hand queen of the Republican Party. These guys are so ideologically pure they make a right on a red and everywhere else too.  Fox News is as American as mom, apple pie, and an AK-47,  especially when mom is blasting away at the apple pie with the  AK-47 as target practice in case President Obama shows up to take away her guns. 

In the left corner we have MSNBC, whose slogan is "Lean Forward As Long As You Lean Left." MSNBC believes strongly that the voices of all Americans should be heard except those of Republicans in the House of Representatives.  Ready to right every social wrong and always on the side of the angels, these guys prove demonstrably how hanging with the Devil might be a hell of lot more fun.

Ten Reasons Why Fox News is the Most Obnoxious

1) Fair and Balanced?   Fox News is about as "fair" as Hurricane Sandy and as "balanced" as Governor Christie on the opposite end of a seesaw with .... well, uh .... just about anybody.

2) Use of Sarah Palin as expert commentator highly questionable when the far more intellectual and articulate Victoria Jackson  continuously available.

3) Fox Special Reports all produced by ghost of P.T Barnum.

4) Bill O' Reilly?   A dick.   An entertaining dick to be sure, but a dick.

5) Miss Alan Colmes, Sean Hannity?  Without the goofiest looking liberal in America to make you look marginally handsome,  you have all the charisma of a  slab of meat but without the political insight. 

6) Fox All-Stars =  Fox Fallen Stars when Chris Wallace and Brit Hume aboard the panel. 

7) Cynical use of babe anchors like Megyn Kelly calculated to mislead naive and impressionable younger viewers into believing there are such things in real life as Republican women who are hot.

8)  Sneering  condescending manner in which President Obama frequently referred to as "this President."  C'mon,  guys, haven't you ever considered the possibility that Mr. Obama may actually be "That President!"?

9) Attention, Charles Krauthammer: There are  expressions of which the human face is capable other than  grimacing.  Please try one next time you're telling Bret Baier how it's been a such "a  pleasure" to be spouting ideology with him.

10) Dennis Miller just as unfunny, self-absorbed, and annoying as a conservative as he was as a liberal.  Well, at least he's consistent in some things.

Ten Reasons Why MSNBC is the Most Obnoxious

1) Unlike Fox News, does not claim to be Fair and Balanced.  Virtually screams at you right up front that it is "Obama's Bitch."

2) Frothy the Showman:  Chris Matthews regularly raises frothing at the mouth to high art as he jaws open his show, interviews himself,  has dinner with himself commenting on the excellent dinner conversation, goes home with himself, has sex with himself, and goes to bed.   And the next day, he wakes up ....

3) And the Emmy  for "Most Blatant Misuse of High Intellect for the Purpose of Haranguing and Condescending Rather than Informing and Educating"  goes to .... once again ....  Rachel Maddow!

4) The Place for Politics?  I'll say!  Certainly not the place for anything nobler.

5) Advanced supercomputer required to count number of times in one hour Al Sharpton says "Mr. Romney has to be desperate to engage in such dishonest, fraudulent, sleazy, disgusting, and highly fattening campaign tactics as calling President Obama a "boinker!"

6) Advanced supercomputer required to count number of times in one hour Sharpton guests such as Dana Milbank, Catherine Crier, and even Ed Rendell  rocket back "Absolutely, Rev!" as if  programmed to do so by Rudd Weatherwax, legendary trainer of Lassie.

7) Sure as hell wouldn't want to be caught dead by Melissa Harris-Perry reading a copy of Atlas Shrugged when taking one of her political science courses at Tulane University.

8) Martin Bashir.  Cool accent!  Uncool annoying bias.

9)  Guys, we used to be able to make fun of Fox News with impunity and without reservation. We had them looking like the idiots they are,  and you felt a need to copy them?!!

10) Chris Matthews?  Not a dick.  But can do a really  good impression of one. 


So why should you vote in the Great Fox News vs. MSNBC Election? It's not as if there will be a winner, will there?

Well, remember what it is that you are voting for.  You're voting to determine which of the two television networks is the most obnoxious, not which one is obnoxious while the other isn't. That means that whenever you may watch one ---  should you ever watch one at all --- you already know that what you're watching is opinion/entertainment/bullshit and not at all the news. 

And that, at the very least, makes you a winner!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MSNBC's Sharpton and Matthews

  







 "Did they win the contest, Chris?"                      
                                                                             "No, Rev.  We have not yet begun to annoy!"