With the midterms just a week away I wondered what some of my friends were doing to help our democratic cause.
I began with Rabbi Debbie King, the progenitor of the newest branch of Judaism known as Hello Yahweh. Based loosely on the television show Seinfeld, Hello Yahweh posits that no just God wants us to be sitting around kissing their ass.
Considering how God is running things, we believe God would want us to rather give it a good swift kick every now and then.
“Rabbi Debbie” I said, “how is your congregation seeking to change things for the better?”
“We have developed a new prayer expressly for the mid-terms, she said:
Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, please flip both houses!
“But Rabbi Debbie, you’ve frequently said there may be no God.”
“Maybe there isn’t, Perry, but prayer is still powerful for creating change in us, even if there’s no Big Cheese in charge of the universe.
Or Big Schmear, as it were.”
“Look what Rabbi Debbie has done,” I thought. “Meanwhile I haven’t done a damn thing to help the cause.”
“Yes, Perry,” he said, “I knocked on every coffin door between here and Transylvania. I found that many vampires were attracted to Big Fat Trump because they thought he’d be great to chow down on.
I’d yell at them, look, this guy is a moron! Even if he does look delicious.”
“That’s great work, Vlad,” I said.
“If you want we can go trick or treating to further get the word out,” Vlad said.
“Vlad, I’m 76 years old and you’re 676. Who’s going to believe we’re trick or treaters? ”
I left Vlad. Even a vampire had taken action. What had I done?
I went home feeling dejected and went upstairs to check in with my bathroom mirror, Bob.
“What have I ever done to help anyone, Bob?” I said. “Vlad the Retailer and Rabbi Debbie have done so much more to help the cause.”
“You shouldn’t feel bad, Perry,” said Bob. “The most important thing of all that anyone can ever do is what you are about to do.”
“And what’s that, Bob?”
“VOTE.”
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