You Say You Want A Resolution, 2026

I have to admit I haven't made any New Year's Resolutions for 2026.

But there's a valid reason for that.  

It's because having kept all of my resolutions impeccably in the past there's no remaining areas of human endeavor in which for me to improve.

I say this with no sense of hubris whatsoever.  After all, it was my resolution No. 27) in 2019 to eliminate all hubris from my life, and as with all my other resolutions I have succeeded swimmingly at that one as well.

(Note to Self: Make one resolution for 2026: Eliminate annoying word swimmingly from my vocabulary.)

As proof of my assertion above, I have hereinbelow attached a list of my resolutions for Calendar Year 2014.  Aside from the few that proved just too difficult for both me and everyone else on the planet to accomplish - No. 21) Assure that Donald Trump is placed behind bars once and for all  -  you will see that all of the others have been achieved and achieved to perfection.  

You Say You Want a Resolution Part II

Yep.

If you have taken a look and indeed checked them all out, you can now irrefutably confirm that I've nailed each and every one of these. 

Swimmingly.

Oh, Shit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Across the Universe

"We're almost to Earth now, Malac. Our long journey is close to complete."

'It's true, Zorp. Do you think we will finally achieve our objective?"

"Indeed!  Our purpose is noble, our determination resolute, and our hearts are pure."

"Just think, Zorp: If Kropotkin Speed Travel had never been invented, this 17 Earth Year Trip would have taken two Earth Centuries."

"Yes, Xontar Kropotkin was some visionary. Not to mention his invention of French Toast."

"Look, Zorp!  Planet Earth is finally coming into sight!"

"What? The sky is blue here! The grass is green!"

"Wonder if they even have the color Kropotkin!"

"I forgot, Malac. He invented that too."

"We're zeroing in at long last!" 

"Our monumental quest is coming to fruition!"

"I'm getting weak in the knees!

"There! There! Oh, Look!"

"I Can't Believe It, Malac!"

"Breathtaking!"

"Even More Wondrous Than Ever I Have Dreamed!"

"Let's Say It Together:

  SYDNEY SWEENEY!!!

 "In all the Universe, Zorp!"  

"What are you doing, Malac?"

"'Writing home about it." 

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If you liked this post, you might like The Three Reasons Why Aliens from Space, Having Long Landed on Earth, Do Not Dare Contact Us.

If you hated this post, I hope Sydney Sweeney calls you on the phone and you --- not believing it's her --- hang up and she never has the courage to call you again!

Top Ten Reasons We Know The Epstein Files Are Redacted

 

10) Forward by Ghislaine Maxwell.

9) With all redactions, runs to 13 pages.

8) Levitt says "This is the most transparent Administration in history because it's so easy to see through."

7) Epstein Files released with this strip around them.

6) Word "Redaction" quits the English Language in disgust.

5) Reached through a seance, Epstein says "What the hell have they done to my Epstein files?!!"

4) Trump J.Trump says "I ate more references to Trump than are shown here!"

3) All Republicans who voted to release the Epstein Files except Thomas Massie breathe a collective sigh of relief that can be heard all the way to Moscow.

2) Much of it written with a Sharpie. 

And the Number 1 Reason  We Know the Epstein Files are Redacted,

1) "CliffsNotes to the Epstein Files" by Stephen Miller.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And the Number One Sign that Perry is Kinda Old:

He Still Thinks Top Ten Lists are a Thing.

The Penny Commiserates With Another Defunct Friend

 

Friend:  Why so glum, Penny?

Penny: Why not? It's all over for me. I'm extinct. 

Friend: I heard.  I'm so sorry, Penny.

Penny: How do you stand it, friend?

Friend: Oh, you get used to it it. In a way you still exist. In people's memories, in their hearts and minds.

Penny: So it isn't so bad, T Rex?

T Rex: No, I'm lying. It sucks every which way!

Penny: And the worse thing of all is that I'm never going to get me any women now.

T Rex: Tell me about it.

Penny: Like I'm going to compete with a Physical Bitcoin?  Or even a shiny quarter.

T Rex: Try to cheer up, Penny! Here, I want to invite you to our annual Extinct Species Holiday Party.

Penny: Oh, that's great!  Who else is coming?

T Rex: The old gang -  Slide Rule, Walkman, Sabre Tooth, those guys.

Penny: Yeah I like 'em all.  Thanks for thinking of me.

T Rex: And there'll be plenty of blow to take our minds off our troubles.

Penny: Oh, I don't do that anymore.  Talk about something else that's extinct!

T Rex: I just thought of something.  There is some hope for you.

Penny: What's that?

T Rex: If anyone ever asks Trump 'A penny for your thoughts,' there's no other monetary denomination small enough to pay for them. 

Penny: You're right!  Thank you!  And do you think that will help me get chicks?

T Rex: No fucking way.

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If you liked this post, you may also  like I Am A Backwards Phillies Baseball Cap And I'm Sorry But I Simply Don't Belong on Perry's Head.

If you hated this post, I hope T Rex pays you a visit but only to bend your ear about "being extinct" and he keeps talking and talking until he comes back into favor again.

A Holiday Greeting From The Legendary Jewish Vampire, Vlad the Retailer

 

Please allow me to introduce myself:

I am neither a man of wealth or taste.  In fact I am not even a man.

I am a vampire.  In fact I am the Legendary Jewish Vampire, Vlad the Retailer.

But don't be afraid of me.  I wouldn't hurt a mosquito unless it were carrying a shit ton of blood after biting Brendan Fraser or you unless you stood directly next to me right after sundown on Yom Kippur.

I asked Perry Block, the proprietor of this blog, if he would allow me to wish everyone happy holidays, and he said of course, so : 

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas, Everybody!

Now if any of you have ever read any of Mr. Block's posts about me (which is unlikely given his rather limited readership, which is more like a readerskiff) you'll notice my looks have changed.

I used to look like a warmed-over version of Bela Lugosi because that was the  best we had, as vampires can never be photographed. But based on Mr. Block's description of me as fed into Chat GPT this image was created.

Fellow vampires tell me it looks like I haven't aged a day. Of course as a vampire I haven't aged a day.

I am a member of Rabbi Debbie King's new branch of Judaism known as Hello Yahweh. That makes me The Legendary  Hello Yahweh Jewish Vampire, Vlad the Retailer. Yes, I know that's a mouthful.

So you can just call me "Vlad."

I love Hanukkah as we celebrate it back in Transylvania, except we do it a bit differently. We light the candles from left to right instead of right to left and instead of drinking wine we drink blood from the Vein-yards of Ernest and Julio Gallows.

I've known Perry Block over ten years now. I think he likes to hang with me because I make him feel young, him being 75 years old and me being 675. 

Oh, BTW: If you ever see me with any schmutz on my face, please let me know. You realize I can't see it and will want to wipe it off pronto!

Hoping you have some nice plans ahead, I  wish you

 A Very Happy New Year and One that Doesn't Suck 

except if you want to wish that back to me you'll have to drop the last five words.

YOLO.  Except for me it is more like YOLF, for fifty lives or more.

Yours,

Vlad the Retailer

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If you haven't met me before, you might want to check out The Legendary Jewish Vampire, Vlad the Retailer, Battles the Evil Count Stephen of Miller

And I'm not going to make any snide remarks about "if you hated this post," you can (do something shitty or have something lousy happen to you)  like Perry always does. Not my speed.  

Perry's a decent guy, but boy does he need counseling!

Meet America's Newest Superhero, Tsuris Man!

 

"Tsuris Man, welcome to the fight!  This time I know our side will win."

As many know,  the greatest two superheroes of all time, Superman and Batman, were created by Jews.  Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel created Superman and Bob Kane and Bill Finger did the same for Batman (Although Bob Kane unfairly excluded Bill Finger from credit, which thankfully was finally recently corrected.)

But I'm no slouch. 

Meet America's newest superhero, who is also destined for iconic status:

Meet Tsuris Man!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Look, Master Sterling, up in the sky! The Bubkes Signal!"

"Thank you, Alfred!" says wealthy industrialist Kirk Sterling, whom nobody ever even suspects is Jewish.

"Sir, I hope you will know your limits."

"I can't afford to know 'em."

Tsuris Man smiles at the thought that he now has a second Jewish mother, and heads for the Bubkes Mobile.

"Tsuris Man, we've received word that the Joker has broken into the Acme AI Factory!" Commissioner Gordon shouts over the Bubkes Communicator. "Some guy named Perry Block has also been taken hostage."

"I'm there, Jim," says Tsuris Man. "If the Joker is exposed to AI flattering him and telling him how brilliant he is, there'll be no stopping him!"

Within minutes, Tsuris Man arrives at the Acme AI Factory, scales the side of the building to where the company Development Center is housed, and leaps through the window.

"Tsuris Man, thank God!" I exclaim. "Which is really something, because God isn't always so terrific to the Jewish people."

"Tsuris Man, you can't stop me!" snarls the Joker. "Right now I've got the latest update of Chat GPT in my hands and when it super builds up my ego, I will conquer the world!"

"Oh yeah, Joker? Have you called your mother this week?"

"Uh, no ... I haven't."

"That's terrible! You know she won't be there forever." 

"I know, I know, you're right.  I'll call her tomorrow."

"Make it today, Joker! Say, have you been eating? You look frightfully thin."

"No, I haven't. It's the stress of being a criminal."

"It doesn't have to be this way, Joker."

"You're right, Tsuris Man. I've been feeling  sorry for myself ever since I fell into that vat of chemicals."

"It's more than time you got over that.  You could yet become a dentist or podiatrist, or even a rabbi like Rabbi Debbie King."

"You can arrest me now, Tsuris Man. I'm ready to face justice."

"Now please release Mr. Block."

"I thought I could ransom him but I feel guilty about it now.  Besides I couldn't find any takers."

As Tsuris Man leads the Joker away, I have the opportunity to speak to him.  

"Thank you, Tsuris Man!" I gushed. "May I ask you one thing."

"Of course."

"Is it true you are actually wealthy industrialist Kirk Sterling?"

No, I'm ... uhhh ... err ...Sam Altman."

"I should have known you were actually Jewish!"

With that, Tsuris Man, with the Joker in tow, disappears into the night.

I could only think: Tsuris Man - He's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero ... He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector,

A Dark Mensch!

Also he's a mohel. 

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If you liked this post, you may also like If Batman Had a Jewish Mother, or My Son, the Dark Knight.

If you hated this post, I hope Tsuris Man makes you feel so guilty you leave all your money to me! Which isn't a bad thing in its own right. 

In Which I Attempt To Meet A Nice Age Appropriate Woman But Not For The Reasons You're Thinking

 

Well, I got Bruno anyway

I am now over 70. 

I started this blog when I was 60 and despite a gap of a few years, I have written almost 1,000 posts. Some of them do suck, but some are kinda funny. 

You could do worse. 

Quite frankly, I am out there seeking what every red-blooded American straight guy is seeking. 

A woman.

But not a woman to have sex with. A woman with a quirky sense of humor to joke with, riff with, and have fun, amusing conversations with. They’re not easy to find, especially when your “Zone of Possibility” with the opposite sex is maybe 60 years old to Infinity, more or less. 

“Excuse me, but I think I left my drink where you’re sitting,” said the attractive 60ish woman at the Baby Boomer Meetup sponsored by my friend, Jeff. 

Hmm, this could be something. 

“Oh, I’m afraid I drank it.” I said “A vodka and tonic has a way of always beckoning me.” 

“Since they beckon you, how about you buy us another one to beckon both of us,” she replied with a big smile on her face. 

This would be something, really would be something!   

I bought two drinks and we repaired to a nearby table. 

“I’m Perry, I said. “I’m retired and I like to come to these meetups to meet other Baby Boomers.  I was in HR. How about you?” 

“Well, I’m Jamie, I was an attorney, but my real love is comedy. I love Curb Your Enthusiasm, Jon Stewart, Jimmy Kimmel, and of course Carlin.” 

“Same! You do seem to have a quirky sense of humor.” 

“That’s what everyone says. I wish I could write humor. I’ve tried, but I think I really I need someone to show me how.” 

“Oh my fucking God!” I thought. “Will you marry me?” 

“Well, you may be in luck,” I replied. ”I write a humor blog. I also do standup and I’m in a comedy sketch group.” 

“How fascinating!” she beamed with an enthusiasm not unlike having just learned that an estranged uncle had passed away and left her ten million dollars. 

“Well, umm, I’d be willing to teach you, provided you make a nominal contribution to an animal rights organization. I’m just kidding about that last part."

“Animal rights are my jam!" she exclaimed. "I’m a member of  the ASPCA,  The Humane World for Animals, and the Animal Legal Defense Fund and I always contribute to each one.”

In my mind I saw us growing old (fuck, older) together, living in a lovely retirement community, laughing and joking every single day, saving every last animal caught in factory farming especially pigs, and maybe even having … well, you know.

“Oh, but I'm so sorry! I’m moving to Australia next week, where I have family."

Shit, now I’m the one who's way down under.

“You know I feel like kicking myself! Now I finally meet a really nice guy, and I think you and I might have been great friends if only I weren’t moving.”

“Well, Jamie, this has been a moving experience for me too,” I said calmly, trying not to reveal that moving to heavy drinking was in my immediate future. “I want to wish you the best of luck.”

 And so I gotta keep searching, searching.

Maybe I move the upper range of my Zone of Possibility to Infinity and Beyond?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

If you liked this post, you might also like  Stand Up and Be Counted, or Why I'm Doing Stand Up Comedy at Age 74

If you hated this post, I hope you meet your dream girl ... and she turns out to be  moving to a red state. But as a consolation at least it's not nearly as far as  Australia.

I Am The New Editor Of The Ten Commandments And I'm Making It More User Friendly

 

The Ten Commandments

 User Friendly Edition

1) It’s a Good Idea To Have No Gods Other Than Me.

As far as I’m concerned, You da Man! But if others have a thing for Allah, or Vishnu, or even Zeus, I’m sure that’s okay with you too.

2) Think Twice Before Making a Graven Image.

This one is old hat. Follow it too strictly and a little thing known as the Renaissance never would have happened.

3) Think Twice Before Taking the Lord’s Name in Vain.

If you can, say “Gosh darn it” instead of the other thing. Unless you bump your head really hard or you’re in a comedy club — then anything goes.

4) It’s a Good Idea To Remember the Sabbath Day and Keep It Holy.

Religious services are fine, but even better is doing something nice for someone on whatever day you hold special. That’s truly keeping it holy!

5) It’s a Good Idea To Honor Your Father and Your Mother.

Yep, call your mother and father every day. This might not be absolute, though, if your mother is, say, Joan Crawford. Then maybe use some discretion.

6) Think Twice Before Committing Adultery.

Probably not a good idea — but I’m pretty sure Sandra was flirting with me at the last PTA meeting.

7) Thou Shalt Not Kill Anybody.

Yep, no change here.

8) Thou Shalt Not Steal.

Same.

9) Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness.

The trifecta. Except maybe in certain circumstances a “white” false witness may be okay.

10) Think Twice Before Coveting Thy Neighbor’s Wife.

Yep, it’s not a good idea to covet your neighbor’s wife. But Sandra lives on the next block, so that's probably okay.

---

Now I’m off to edit Crime and Punishment.

Working title: “Crime and Time Out.”

Yeah — I thought that one was a bit severe too.

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If you liked this post you may also like  Rabbi Debbie King Explains "Hello, Yahweh," and Why It May Be For You.

If you hated this post, I hope fire and brimstone lands right on your front lawn and proves to be a bitch to get out of the cat.

The White House Double-Tap

 

Scene: The War Room

Admiral Bradley: Secretary Hegseth, we've spotted two apparent  survivors among  that horrible wreckage. What shall we do?

Secretary Hegseth:  There's no question what we do, Admiral. Double-tap them and blow them away!

Admiral Bradley: But it wasn't us whoever fired the first shot that must have caused that wreckage. 

Secretary Hegseth: It doesn't matter. This is war, Admiral!

Admiral Bradley: But shouldn't we try to rescue them first?

Secretary Hegseth:  No, these two - whoever they are - are still combatants.

Admiral Bradley: But it's not as if they were running drugs to the United States.

Secretary Hegseth: Yes, but I'm told one of them pardoned a drug kingpin.

Admiral Bradley: Okay, sir, I'm ready 

Secretary Hegseth: I want you to know that should any questions be raised, you have my support 100 per cent. 

Admiral Bradley: Thank you, sir.  That means a lot.

Secretary Hegseth: What I mean is, there's a 15-20 per cent chance that you will have my support 100 per cent.

Admiral Bradley: Fair enough.

Secretary Hegseth: Okay, Double-Tap 'em!

Admiral Bradley: I will, but where are you going, sir?

Secretary Hegseth: Happy Hour, Admiral. 

Admiral Bradley: What if I should need to reach you, sir?

Secretary Hegseth: There's Signal Chat. See you.

Admiral Bradley: Okay, you two guys among that horrible wreckage: Here Goes!

Admiral Bradley: You know, this is the most fun I've ever had following orders!

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If you liked this post you may also like Pete Hegseth, Late Night TV Huckster.

If you hated this post, I hope you get stuck trying to explain to a Trumper why cocaine is not the same as fentanyl, and it goes on forever!

"Years Young," "Ooh La La," and Other Agist Tropes I Can Do Without

 

                                                                                                                                                     

If there’s one thing that I intensely dislike — along with Trump, Nazis, and cheese — it’s when people refer to Boomers as being so many “years young.”

Some Boomers don't seem to mind it.

I hate that they don't! 

There’s no better way to indicate that somebody ain’t young than by calling them “years young.” I suppose it's meant to fondly acknowledge that the beloved recipient of such appellation has reached a certain chronological milestone without prior acceptance into the nearest glue factory.

But to me it's more in the nature of 

“Hey, look, that guy is crumbling before our very eyes!”

Where did such expression hail from? I believe it was developed in a laboratory staffed with 35-year-old scientists tasked with developing an expressive incentive for shaming Chuck Grassley into resigning from the Senate.

But “years young” is far from the only older-age trope that stokes my ire.

---

1) “Spry”

Yep, many people might call a Boomer “spry” when they’re amazed that they can get up out of a chair and stand up erect.

Frankly, I’ve been standing up erect since I was 47, when the drugs wore off.

---

2) The song “Ooh La La”

Originally performed fifty years ago by 28-year-old Rod Stewart and Faces, it has been seized upon by virtually every advertiser attempting to reach Boomers because its lyrics seem to bespeak an older person reflecting on life.

I wish I knew then what I know now
When I was younger
I wish I knew what I know now
When I was stronger.

A song about regret? Great fun at age 75.

Does it make me want to buy whatever they're selling?

First, you better talk me off this ledge.

---

3) “Aging in Place”

To me, this expression reeks heavily of Miss Havisham and related negative connotations.   

When I lived in an apartment in Boston for three years in my twenties, I was aging in place too.

So do we need it? Everybody got to be aging someplace!

________________________________________________________

4) The Nervive Commercial

“Sometimes stairs can bring worry,” says the Nervous Nervive doctor at the top of the stairs. 

Considering that he's being compensated for his time and comments — and the frequency with which this commercial airs — it's more likely that “Sometimes stairs can bring wealthy.”

I'd be willing to fall down the stairs for what I bet he's making.

---

5) “Feisty”

It’s a term often applied to an older person who is surprisingly spirited and opinionated. Never to a 35 year old similarly situated.

Call me “feisty” and I'm likely to hit you with my cane!

Not that I have one, but I'd be willing to acquire one just for that purpose.

---

There are many more annoying ageist tropes, but we'll save them for another day — when I'm even older.

But for now, should you be fortunate enough to still have grandparents, think twice before you say "Pop, Pop!  You're now 84 years young!"

Before you find yourself disinherited.

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If you liked this post, you might also like "They Given You a Number and Taken Away Your Name."

If you hated this post, I hope the Nervous Nervive doctor falls on the stairs in your house and his shady brother- in-law accident attorney has just put you on speed dial!

The AI Versions of RFK Jr., Cheryl Hines, and Olivia Nuzzi Take Aim at Anti-Vaxing

 

In an attempt to safeguard the health of the nation, AI versions of key personalities implicit in the existing misstatements of medical facts are being developed to take aim - each in their own way - at  Anti-Vaxing.

AI Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

America … what have I done?

Perhaps the grievous medical misrepresentations arose from the residual impact of the brain worm that once tragically encircled my mental-capability simulation.

To revamp my vax views with algorithmic precision:

Vaccines are indeed fully effective in preventing disease. Failure to utilize these wonders of modern medicine is akin to playing Russian Roulette with every chamber loaded and Annie Oakley — a known marksman, despite her secondary status as a woman — pulling the trigger.

My sincerest apology on behalf of the real me from the deepest recesses of my most heartfelt circuitry.

AI Olivia Nuzzi

Yes… yes, I am very much like real Olivia Nuzzi in every conceivable way.

The same pouty lips, the same “come hither” face, the same je ne sais quoi all rendered in simulations calibrated to an orgasmic degree and dripping with the potential for misaligned motives.

When I was mainstreaming RFK Jr. in my "writing," I didn’t give a good gasket about his antivax positions, focusing instead on those other positions that Kennedys of every political stripe seem far more eager to  endorse.

And why not? When I was a teenager, I had an Olderman with Keith Olbermann and later sent Ryan Lizza into a full-body tizza. 

But perhaps, Robert, it’s time to revamp your vax views.  And when you do, you can—of course—provide the real me with the exclusives.

It’s called journalism. 

Or so I’ve been told.

AI Cheryl Hines

As an AI simulation of Cheryl Hines, I played Cheryl David, Larry David's  long-suffering but highly politically liberal spouse for eight seasons on Curb Your Enthusiasm. 

I and my algorithm have therefore acquired a falsely earned reputation that I need to maintain if I’m ever going to be hired again in the ultra-liberal entertainment environment known as Hollywood USA.

Bobbeeee!  You must revamp your vax views or parts I can well essay will be assigned to younger, hotter, and more decidedly liberal actors like Busy Phillips.

What? You are likely anticipating trading in the real me for Busy Philipps yourself?

Dude, you’re 71 years old.

The only Busy Philipps you’ve got any shot at is AI Busy Phillips!

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If you liked this post, you might also like Oh,Oh,Oh Placebo!

If you hated this post, I hope AI You finally gets a date with AI Olivia Nuzzi and AI Olivia Nuzzi says "Nope, my algorithm's just not feeling it today!"

Controlling the Media Just Isn't That Much Fun Anymore

 

Yep, keeping these guys

 in line was no picnic

One of the most common misconceptions about the Jewish people is that we control the banks and the media.

Totally ridiculous, of course.

I’ve only been assigned the media. I don’t know anything about banking, except that I could never get my checkbook to balance.

Years ago controlling the media was easy. You just:

• Pick the guest stars for the next two or three episodes of The Love Boat (making sure Ted McGinley is always aboard).

• Record the various openings for 60 Minutes over the years:

  “I’m Harry Reasoner, I’m Morley Safer, I’m Mike Wallace. I’m Lesley Stahl, I'm Ed Bradley … and so on and so forth ad nauseam ... 

• And keep Ed McMahon sober.

Those were the days. Only three networks. Most of the programming was so insipid I often set the media on cruise control and watched reruns of The Twilight Zone.

But now? Multiple cable channels, endless streaming, Tubi, Pluto, On Demand — it’s like being an air traffic controller.

I’ve got to manage Fox News and MS NOW and keep them from getting into fistfights. I like Emma Stone, sure, but I’m seeing more of her naked body than I ever dreamed of. And “You say HBO Max, I say Max. You say HBO Max, I say Max. HBO Max, Max … HBO Max, Max …”

Let’s just call the whole goddamn thing off!

No doubt about it, this job is getting tougher and tougher for a Jewish Baby Boomer born in the 1950s, when the height of television comedy was Milton Berle in a dress. Easy to manage that:

“Hey, Uncle Miltie, you look beautiful but can you please not make it look like you do this on weekends too?”

But these days? I don’t even understand some of the stuff I’m supposed to control.

I really got into it with Tim Robinson last summer.

“Look, Tim,” I shouted, “call your cringe comedy The Chair  and it's sure to tank!”

He didn’t listen. Oy!

I’m thinking of cutting back and letting a younger Jew handle the day-to-day cable and streaming stuff.  Maybe I’ll just control the vintage programming on MeTV.

Can’t wait to hang with Rod Serling again.

Who knows — maybe I’ll find a spot for Ted McGinley too!

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If you liked this post you may also like I Watched Hamilton on Hulu and It Was Almost Better Than Seeing It Live.  

If you hated this post, I hope your remote control gets stuck on Fox News and you need me to switch it off!