Trump Rationalizations for Last Tuesday's Republican Shellacking

 

(Note: This piece written before yesterday's event in the Senate.) 

• Trump not on the ballot, forcing MAGA voters to have to read it!

• Miki Sherill better looking than Kash Patel.

• MAGA voters blamed us for no food stamps or health insurance. (Like a beautiful ballroom is chopped liver?)

• Just haven't killed enough Venezuelan fisherman yet.

• Name "Abigail Spanberger" reminded MAGA voters of Big Macs who hit McDonald's instead of voting. (I had five that night.)   

• Haven't been saying enough idiotic things lately.

• Some MAGA voters have bizarre inexplicable negative view of Putin. 

• Great Gatsby party not lavish enough.

• Calling Mamdani a Marxist meant Groucho Marx to MAGA voters. (Wait, isn't it Groucho?)

• Simply not racist enough.

• "Virginia is for Lovers" slogan.  What about haters?

• MAGA Voters distraught over fate of poor Prince Andrew, who I never met.   

• MAGA voters caught me saying something remotely truthful once.

• All MAGA voters came down with bone spurs last Tuesday.

• Pete Hegseth speech made MAGA fatties and beardos afraid to come out to vote.

• ICE agents too busy beating the shit out of citizens to vote.

• When I said I didn't want the support of stupid weak MAGA voters wanting  Epstein Files released I didn't fucking mean it!

• Kennedy Center Production of "The Sound of Music" with happy ending where Von Trapp family does not get away drew attention from voting.

• Lucy the Elephant in Margate NJ sat on MAGA voters. 

• Miki Sherrill almost as good looking as me.  (I said almost!)

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