Well, it certainly wasn't Trump's fault. It must have been:
- Trump not on the ballot, forcing MAGA voters to actually have to read it!
- Mikie Sherill a little better looking than Kash Patel.
- MAGA voters blamed us for no food stamps or health insurance. (Like a beautiful ballroom is chopped liver?)
- Just haven't killed enough Venezuelan fisherman yet.
- Name "Abigail Spanberger" reminded MAGA voters of Big Macs who then hit McDonald's instead of voting. (I had thirteen myself that night based on her name alone.)
- Some MAGA voters have bizarre inexplicable negative view of Putin.
- Great Gatsby party reminded MAGA voters Great Gatsby movie sucked.
- Calling Mamdani a Marxist meant Groucho Marx to MAGA voters. (Wait, isn't it Groucho?)
- Maybe said something that wasn't quite idiotic enough?
- MAGA voters just don't appreciate how truly adorable I am when sound asleep in meetings.
- GOP simply not racist enough, so I'm going to have to step up .
- "Virginia is for Lovers" slogan worked against us. What about us haters?!
- MAGA Voters distraught over fate of poor Prince Andrew, who I never met.
- All MAGA voters came down with bone spurs last Tuesday. (Where did they ever get that idea?)
- Some MAGA voters so enraptured by my dancing they forgot to vote!
- Pete Hegseth speech made MAGA fatties and beardos afraid to come out to vote.
- Said something remotely truthful once. It won't happen again!
- Some MAGA voters have bizarre inexplicable negative view of sexual predators.
- ICE agents too busy beating the shit out of law-abiding citizens to vote.
- When I said I didn't want the support of stupid weak MAGA voters wanting Epstein Files released of course I didn't fucking mean it!
- Kennedy Center Production of "The Sound of Music" with happy ending where Von Trapp family does not get away from Nazis drew attention from voting.
- Mikie Sherrill almost as good looking as me. (I said almost!)
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