Top Ten Reasons Seven Democrats (and one Independent) Caved on Health Care
1) Senator Thune threatened to pluck out Senator Angus King's mustache hair by hair.
2) We're afraid Senator Fetterman will beat the crap out of us.
3) Oh, boy, we're gonna be interviewed by Caitlin Collins! (Great Hair!)
4) Finally we eight obscure senators are hot shit!
5) Republicans are right! It's a great feeling to please Dear Leader!
6) No matter what, Chuck Schumer will be blamed.
7) We're promised a vote on health care in December. And Lindsey Graham has also promised not to cum in our mouths.
8) With RFK Jr. advising us on health care, who needs insurance?
9) We needed to get SNAP benefits flowing again. (There are some good reasons.)
10) We all wanna fly home for Thanksgiving without whining!!!
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"If Senator Thune plucked it out, it would really hurt!"
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