Lincoln and His Generals and the Grand Ballroom

Donald Trump claims that for over 150 years presidents and others in the  government have desired a grand ballroom at the White House.

That isn’t exactly true as to those who wanted it.

The Time: April 14, 1861
The Setting: The White House

President Abraham Lincoln greets all the Union generals.

Lincoln: Welcome, gentlemen! We have perilous times ahead. It will take the courage, stamina, and leadership of all of you to face the monumental task before us.

McClellan: Yes, you’re not kidding, Mr. President. It’s no easy job to construct a grand ballroom here at the White House.

Lincoln: Excuse me?

McClellan: A  90,000 square foot grand ballroom. 

Lincoln: What?!!! What I need you all for is to win the war to preserve the Union! 

Sherman:   We'll get to that.  But first most of us have desperately wanted a grand ballroom for over ... umm, five years.

Burnside: Wait, only five years? I heard over 150 years.

Sherman:  Burnside, it’s 1861. In 2025, some guy with orange skin will claim it’s been over 150 years!

Lincoln:  I can't believe all of you are talking about a ballroom!

Sherman: Not just any ballroom! One with golden chandeliers!

Lincoln: Do you have any idea how much that would cost?!!

Sherman: No chandeliers, no March to the Sea!

Lincoln: Oh, Good Lord, above!

Grant: All I want is a barrel of whiskey every day.

Lincoln: At least that's a modest request.

Grant: Solid gold barrel, surrounded by fleur-de-lis and golden cherubs. 

Lincoln: So much for you having a hard-boiled reputation!

Burnside: I want a large dance floor for waltzing! 

Lincoln: Waltzing!!? Who are you going to waltz with?!

Burnside: Maybe Hooker. He knows a lot of women.

Sherman: Chandeliers. I demand chandeliers! Non-negotiable!

Burnside: And I demand a high coffered ceiling, crafted by artisans from around the world.

Lincoln: Guys… they’re firing on Fort Sumter!

McClellan: Fort Sumter will never fall! I demand a mini-golf course in the East Wing. Par threes only. 

Lincoln (throwing up hands): All right,  all right,  I’LL BUILD IT!!! But it has to be right after the Civil War is won and after I get to the theater for some badly needed relaxation.

Meade: Oh boy… I have a feeling the grand ballroom  isn’t going to get built for another 150 years.

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