Groundhog Day II

II

Cast

Phil Connors                           Rita Hanson

Larry the Camera Man             Ned Ryerson

The Piano Teacher                   Sonny & Cher

Alarm Clock Clicking Sound

SCENE ONE

Phil Connors is in bed asleep in his hotel room in Punxatawney PA. 

CLICKING SOUND 

SONNY & CHER (on the radio)

They say we're young and we don't know
We won't find out until we grow ...

I got you babe, I got you, babe... 

Phil gets up, yawns, and stretches.

PHIL

It's Groundhog Day. I’ve got to get to work.

Phil leaves room, grabs two cups of coffee and Danish, and meets Rita and Larry at Gobbler's Knob.

RITA

Phil, over here, we're setting up for our shot of Punxatawney Phil.

PHIL
Here you go, Rita and Larry! I've brought you coffee and Danish. 

LARRY
Take your coffee and Danish and shove it, Phil!

PHIL

Why, Larry?

LARRY
It took 83 Groundhog Days for you to think to bring it to us, jerk!

PHIL

But, Larry ... Rita ... how do you know that?

RITA
Phil, we know you're living the same day over and over again!  You're able to continuously improve yourself every day and you don't get any older. Who'd you have to shtup to get a deal like that anyway?

PHIL

Well, I didn't actually...

RITA
Why did you get this arrangement?  Why not someone deserving like Abraham Lincoln? Mother Teresa?  Why not Larry and me?!

LARRY

Get the hell out of here, Phil!

Perplexed, Phil goes back to his room and back to bed.  

SCENE TWO

CLICKING SOUND 

SONNY & CHER (on the radio):
… I got you babe, I got you, babe... 

PHIL (startled)

Oh! Another Groundhog Day!

Phil gets up, leaves hotel room, and goes into town. 

PHIL

Ned!  Ned Ryerson, the insurance man.  Come on over, buddy!

NED

Fuck you, Phil!

PHIL
Why, Ned?

NED

It took you 126 Groundhog Days until you acknowledged me! And only because you were desperate for insurance against attack by people pissed off by the sweet Groundhog Day deal you got.  

PHIL
All right, Ned, I'll buy more insurance. Life. Health. Pet. I'll insure a boat and I don't even have one, I get seasick!

NED

And when are you going to pay me for the policies you already bought? Let me guess: Tomorrow? Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!

PHIL
But ... but... but...

NED
Get the hell out of here, Phil!

Very upset, Phil goes back to his room but almost as soon as he lies down ...

SCENE THREE

CLICKING SOUND 

SONNY & CHER (on the radio):

… I got you babe, I got you, babe... 

PHIL (Flustered, hands over his head)

Another Groundhog Day!  They're coming faster than ever!

Phil stumbles out of room, sits down next to piano teacher, and starts playing.

PIANO TEACHER

Mr. Connors, I have to say your piano playing sucks.  Next to you, ABBA sounds good.

PHIL
But this is just my first lesson with you.  I can't be expected to...

PIANO TEACHER

First lesson?  Try 137^th lesson! Everybody knows you repeat Groundhog Day over and over again!

PHIL
But I try to improve myself a little each day.

`

PIANO TEACHER

By playing piano? Why aren't you doing something to benefit humanity! At 1,237 Groundhog Days you should be Batman by now!

PHIL
Well, I tried that, I looked bad in tights.

PIANO TEACHER

Get the hell out of here, Mr. Connors!

Crazed, Phil lurches back into his room. Almost immediately ... 

SCENE FOUR

CLICKING SOUND 

SONNY & CHER (on the radio):

… I got you babe, I got you, babe... 

PHIL (exasperated, arms flailing)

No! No! Not another goddamn Groundhog Day!

Phil staggers out of the room to Rita. He shows her a large ice sculpture of her face.

PHIL (hopefully)

Look, Rita, I've made a lovely ice sculpture of your face.

RITA (sneering)
Terrific, Phil.  You've received the greatest gift ever bestowed upon a human being, and you play in the ice and snow!

PHIL

But it's for you!

RITA

2,034 Groundhog Day do-overs and you're building snowmen? Why aren't you at least Batman by now?

PHIL

I may not be Batman, but I did save Brian Doyle-Murray from choking.

RITA

Big deal. What movies has he been in lately? 

PHIL

But Rita, I love you!

RITA

Really?  Ever think it might have helped if sometime during all these thousands of Groundhog Days …

PHIL

Yes, Rita?

RITA

You took a fucking shower?!

SONNY & CHER (walking on stage)

I got you, babe!!!

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