Thursday, January 25, 2018

Taking My Book to the Streets

I’ve been attempting to promote my new book Perry Block- Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute and so far sales have been slow. So slow the picture of me on the front of the book has  fallen asleep.

That’s slow.

I’ve been attempting to push the book on Facebook and Twitter with scant success. True, a posting about my book is not as scintillating as a post about someone’s lunch, but it is dispiriting to work for a year on your ultimate life statement and have some guy post a picture of his heated-up frozen lasagna and get 78 likes to your three.

So I realize I can’t promote my book just on social media. This is going to require hand-to-hand combat.

I’m going to take my book to the streets!

"Say, friend, did you know there's a great new book called Perry Block-Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute."

"License and registration, please."

"Of course, Officer. You know, I think you might like my new book.  Are you a Boomer by any chance."

"No, I'm a police officer. Why were you going 60 miles an hour in a 25 mile an hour zone, sir?"

"I wanted to attract your attention. I saw you in my rear view mirror and I thought 'That looks like a law enforcement professional who likes to read humor!'"

"I prefer Restoration Comedy. Out of the car!"

Well, that didn't work so well. I took my $105 dollar ticket and went to a fast food drive-thru for a quick inexpensive lunch.

"Big Ass Burger, Fries, and a Coke, please."

"Yes, sir. Would you like anything else?"

"No, but you might like my new humor book Perry Block-Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute. Perfect for Boomers."

"I'm 18, sir."

"In that case ... could I have some ketchup packets, please?"

While choking down lunch, I had a thought.

"Rabbi Debbie," I said, entering her office in the synagogue,"could you help me promote my new book on Saturday?"


"I'd like the Bar or Bat Mitzvah boy or girl to say 'Instead of a new tallis, the gift I really want on this special occasion is Perry Block-Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute!'"

"That's not appropriate."

"I'm just trying to be fruitful and multiply sales."

"How is it going so far?"

"My book is to readers like roast pig is to Orthodox Jews."

At least the Rabbi bought a copy. But I'm not done.

I'm taking my book to the streets.

I'll probably see you there.



K.B. Owen said...

Perry! You've published a humor book? You sneaky guy...what rock have I been living under, that I'm only just hearing about this? Wow! You're like the Erma Bombeck of boomer guys - congrats! Going to check it out now.

By the way, try not to get discouraged if you're hearing crickets. It's hard to get traction with one book. Do you have others planned? Maybe some 99-cent short pieces?

Best wishes for much success!

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Kathy. I just published it now.

Crickets? The Sound of Silence? Pretty much. We'll see if it changes. I don't have anything else planned for now. Maybe you could plug the book a bit? That is, if you like it. I don't like those phony reviews on Amazon.

I really appreciate your nice words!

Gardenlover said...

Sure, you don't like phony reviews. That's the funniest line you've ever written.

I suggest you go door-to-door like a Bible salesman. Start stuttering when the open they door. "Would you,you,you like,like,like to buy my boooook, or doooo you,you,you want me to just reeeaad it to you?"

That works almost everytime. I must have sold 3 book using that technique.

Perry Block said...

I will go door-to-door selling the Old Testament. I will tell people the Old Testament God will smite them if they don't buy my book. Maybe he will. Maybe he'll write a phony review too.