Monday, January 1, 2018

The Year of Perry Block

Yeah.  I'd like to.  Just tell me Fucking How!

This year - 2018 - will be The Year of Perry Block.

That's because this year will see the publishing of my very first book, the eponymously named - as is my blog - Perry Block, Nouveau Old Formerly Cute.

There is one thing for sure about The Year of Perry Block:  I am going to promote the living crap out of the book in order to maximize the number of folks who buy it.   And there's no time to start like the present, namely the small get-together I attended last night ...

"Happy New Year, Mark. Did you know that this year I am publishing my first ever book?"

"That's great, Perry!  I knew you could do it."

"You know, Mark, when you write a book ..."

"Excuse me, Perry, did you happen to notice if they have any dip here?"

"No, I didn't.  But getting back to my book, I had the idea to..."

"I'm going to go look for dip. Maybe they got hummus even! See you later.”

Well, I guess not everyone is interested in literary matters. Just then I saw my good friend Ellen come through the front door. The two of us have gone through quite a lot together and I even helped her quit smoking.

“Ellen, great to see you!”

“Same here, Perry.  Have you bumped into Ralph yet?”

"No, I haven't. But I wanted to tell you about my book. It’s called …”

"Excuse me, but I’ve got to find Ralph!  I understand he’s had a bad case of athlete's foot and I just have to see how he’s doing!”

“But you barely know Ralph! He just moved here from Cleveland!”

“There he is! OMG, he might even have cellulitis! I’ll talk to you later.”

Yeah, athlete’s foot can be kind of painful and I’ve only known Ellen some 35-40 years. Now there's our genial host, my good buddy Farbman!

"Thanks for having me, Farbman. I don't often get invited out on New Year's Eve so I was happy to pass up both Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper for you.”
"Glad you could come! Hey, I understand you're publishing a book this year."

"I sure am! it’s been quite an experience too."

"I'll bet. Well, I have to attend to my other guests, got to put out more dip. Maybe hummus.  And I have to see Ralph, our new friend from Cleveland; he's got a bad case of athletes' foot,  it might even be cellulitis!” 

“But, Farbman, this is my whole life wrapped up in ...`"

"There's Ralph, talking to Ellen.  He looks terrible!"

Yeah,  just like I'm feeling.

"Hi, Perry. I'm Bob.  Heard you wrote a book."

"Want dip, Bob? It’s in the kitchen, Bob! Ralph from Cleveland is eating it, Bob! 
He can’t be that bad if he’s standing up eating hummus, Bob!" 

I guess marketing a book is going to be a bit tougher than I thought.



Unknown said...

I’m sorry, did you say something about hummus? I have a recipe for that in my best selling cookbook. Check it out at It’s free today and ....every day.

Perry Block said...

Et tu, Tracey? I'm sure it's really good, though.


Gardenlover said...

I tried this same sales technique at my 40th high school reunion. I didn't work there either. There's just too damn many people running around with athlete's foot, and as far as I can tell, none of them are actually athletes.

Perry Block said...

So true. I've found a lot of them have venereal disease too. They'll do anything to avoid buying our books. In fact, to avoid us altogether.

Ilil Arbel said...

"Do not promote a book amongst your friends. Instead, promise your enemies a free copy."

Lobsang Amadeus Finkelstein, died in 666, Year of Our Lord

Perry Block said...

I wouldn't do such a terrible thing even to my enemies.

Though Lobsang Finkelstein has always been my hero!