Excuse me if I've forgotten your name.
I'm terrible with names.
Always have been.
And it's been quite a challenge going through life referring to
co-workers, friends, and the women I've been married to as "Hey,
you!"
When I meet a new
person I'm always hoping to make a good impression. I plump up my hair, wipe the
crud off the corners of my mouth, and desperately strive for a rakish smile
instead of my normal goofy one.
And then I say
"Hi, my name is Perry Block, nice to meet you."
And the other person
says "Hello, happy to meet you too. I’m Blabble Blabble."
The problem is I have
so focused my attention on not coming off like an idiot that I have completely
missed the critical Official Presentation of my new acquaintance's name.
Thereafter I am terrified
to encounter this person. Should I spot them in public, I dart across the
street, hide behind a mailbox, or move to Australia.
If I can’t avoid
talking with them, I produce a muttered greeting and rapidly excuse myself as
being late for yoga, which I only started this year but have been using as my all-purpose
excuse since 1974.
Sometimes I catch a
break. The person I’ve just met is one of those folks who loves to tell
long stories and pepper them from start to finish with rampant over usage of their
own name:
“So Ralph says to me
‘Joan, I have a question. Joan, what would you do about this? Joan,
how would you handle it? I’m counting on you, Joan. Joan … Joan … Joan! Guess what, Joan? I
forgot my question!”
After this level of
overkill I’m not sure if I should call this person “Joan” or “Annoying
Narcissist from Hell.”
Several weeks ago at a
cousin’s Bar Mitzvah I was introduced to a woman in the receiving line. Two
minutes later I realized that I had forgotten her name.
An hour later I saw
her at the bar.
Should I just ask her
name? But then she’ll know I wasn’t paying attention when we first met.
What if she throws a
drink in my face?
What if it’s scotch
and I’ve been drinking gin all afternoon?
“Hello again,” I said.
“Oh, hi!" she
said brightly. "I was just trying to remember your name.”
It’s Perry,” I replied, totally relieved and doing a quick double-check of my hair, mouth, and smile.
“Sure, Perry! Nice to
see you again. I’m Blabble Blabble.”
Oh crap.
Did it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8 comments:
Focus Perry. Focus! lol
Your name is ... Fawn?
I don't normally offer useful advice, especially to someone who won't remember it two seconds after he reads this comment, but here it is anyway.
When someone introduces themselves to you, such as Joanne Heartbreaker, use their name back to them in a sentence. "Hello, Joanne Heartbreaker, it's a pleasure to meet you. Then, mentally visualize typing her name on a keyboard.
So what if you accidently call her Jeanne Homewrecker the next time you meet, at least you were close and she'll be happy to correct you with a swift kick in the nuts.
Maybe I'll start an advice column. How does "Ask an Asshole" sound?
Oh, Barry, everyone has that problem. Remember?
Now let's go back to the asylum, ok?
When have I ever not gotten a kick in my nuts? Often by myself. I don't like the name "Ask an Asshole," however, because what does that make me when I invariably take your advice? And I'll always take it!
Yeah, Barry will go back with you. I'm Percy and I'm staying here!
Funny. I never forget a name but I might forget if I know you from yoga or from your lady part's exam. Actually I would remember if a guy has lady parts. Ok, I'm gonna stop typing now Berry.
Don't you dare grab me by my lady's parts! I'm not that kind of girl.
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