Yes, it will be my pleasure to poke you!
But what if Dracula were written today?
Jonathan Harker's Twitter
Jonathan Harker @HarkManWOOT! Transylvania will be awesome! Dude named Dracula texted me & I'm off! Luv u, @Mina_HotChick! ♥ ♥ ♥!!!!
Jonathan Harker @HarkManOn train thru Carpathian Mts. Peasant women here look pretty except when u get near them, they all look like actor Jonah Hill in a babushka!
Jonathan Harker @HarkManFrightened old lady in hotel heard me talk of Dracula and put crucifix around my neck! WTF? #DontTellRabbiMishkin
Jonathan Harker @HarkManOn coach to Borgo Pass. Odd; other passengers outdoing one another pointing at me, clutching throats, & making gagging sounds! Woohoo!
Jonathan Harker @HarkManHave arrived at crumbling old Castle Dracula. Place could use work. Nothing that a coat of paint & 6 wrecking balls couldn't cure! #WhataDump
Jonathan Harker @HarkManStarting to think visiting Dracula may turn out to be as much fun as attending same-sex wedding w/ Justice Scalia! :-( :-( :-(
Dracula's Twitter
Dracula@Fangsalot46
I am @Fangsalot46. I tweet you welcome, @HarkMan! #SpidertotheFly
Dracula@Fangsalot46Woohoo, I luv Twitter! I have over 17,000 followers. Of course, most of them follow me with torches, pitchforks, and pickaxes! LOL!!! :-)
Dracula@Fangsalot46
How about giving me a retweet on that one, @HarkMan? I get more RTs than Kim Kardashian's bare ass ever did! #AskTheNearestZombie
Dracula@Fangsalot46
WOOT! The Childen of the Night; What music they make! Wait, I'm sensing a boy band here .... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backstreet_Boys
Dracula@Fangsalot46
Make yourself at home,@HarkMan! Tomorrow there will be breakfast, and since this is Twitter, with bacon & copious amounts of coffee!
Dracula@Fangsalot46
No, I never drink .... coffee. Just sayin' .
Dracula@Fangsalot46I bid you good night, @HarkMan. Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. That's my job! LMFAO! #WannaNeck?
Jonathan Harker's Facebook
Jonathan HarkerDearest Mina. I must now communicate via Facebook because the Count is a Tweethead! What's worse, he LOLs his own jokes and insists I give him RTs! Dracula is a bizarre diseased creature who recoils at the sight of a crucifix, casts no reflection in a mirror, and roots for the Phillies! Oh, Mina, please comfort me by posting a picture of Pedals, our adorable kitten!
Mina Murray's Facebook
Mina Murray
Of course, dearest Jonathan! Here is our sweet Pedals, all dressed up like a vampire from last Halloween!
Of course, dearest Jonathan! Here is our sweet Pedals, all dressed up like a vampire from last Halloween!
Jonathan Harker's Facebook
Jonathan Harker
Mina, remind me when I get back we have to talk about our relationship!
Dracula's Facebook
DraculaSo you are on Facebook too, my dear young sir? Please friend me, then I will poke you. Believe me, I will poke you!!! (And Go, Phils!)
Jonathan Harker's LinkedIn
Jonathan Harker
Current Position:Solicitor (Living)
Next Position: Solicitor (?)Mina, the count is an ardent Facebooker too! I must now communicate through LinkedIn. Nobody but nobody uses LinkedIn, especially people who want to get a job.
Dracula's LinkedIn
DraculaPrevious Position: Sucking the Blood of Crusaders
Current Position: Free Lance Blood Sucker (No, not an attorney)
Good Evening, Mr. Harker! Note that I have already endorsed you for European travel, real estate development, and Deliciousness! I am afraid you are out of luck now with social networks, unless you want to use JDate!
Jonathan Harker's Twitter
Jonathan Harker @HarkMan@Mina_HotChick! Had a tete a tete w/ the Count & all is fine. You will be a bite ... I mean, sight ... for sore eyes! Luv u! ♥ ♥ ♥!!!! #WannaNeck?
End.
6 comments:
This is brilliant, Perry! ROTFL!
Fangsalot46, Anne! Gee, I forgot to use ROTFL. Gonna go back and put it in.
What's that on Harker's face, mold? I'm not sure it's safe to take a bite out of him. Dracula might get something that wouldn't wash off with soap and water.
That Mina Murray does look like quite a dish. She should have had the leading role instead of that moldy Harker.
I have found LinkedIn to be pretty worthless too. I joined one of their writers group and now my inbox is bombarded with worthless emails.
LinkedIn is perhaps the biggest horror of all in Dracula 2015. All those meaningless endorsements keep coming and coming and they don't stop and you are giving them too because they are expected and yet they are meaningless and you get more and give more and ... AHHHHH! Knew I'd find a little geniune horror here.
Dear Perry, I am shocked that you delve in Dracula's shenanigans! You should know, he is untrustworthy. He doesn't call when he's supposed to and his last box of chocolates tasted like they were 50 years old - well - maybe they were. Stay away from him Perry! Nan
I'm always looking to delve into shenanigans, Dracula's or anyone else's. And I think his chocolate is more like 500 years old, but I never pay attention to "Better if used before" dates anyway. Thanks, Nan!
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