Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Trak All The Way (FF)

© Kent Bonham

Trak leaned back in the limo and savored the sweet satisfaction of the moment. He was on his way to the world premiere of his new motion picture, Trak All The Way, his first ever starring effort.  He wondered what that bastard Shrek must be thinking.

Trak and Shrek had gone to drama school together, but while Shrek found fame in a series of Disney pictures, Trak had struggled. Years of undistinguished bit parts had finally led to the second banana role in a series of Mel Gibson movies, but all of them had been stinkeroos, especially Lethal Ogre 3. 

Unfortunately the critics were not kind to Trak All The Way. "Trak carries a movie like other actors would carry a ten ton weight,” mocked Variety.  Next day the phone rang. "It's Shrek,” said Trak's mom. “Says he can’t wait for Lethal Ogre 4."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know about you, but I've never seen any of the Lethal Ogre movies.  I hear the fading Gibson pretty much sleepwalks through each one of them and Trak delivers lines like Comcast delivers services.  Anyway, this tale of Trak represents my take on the picture prompt above for this week's Friday Fictioneers.

The other Friday Fictioneers will give you no Shrek (in Yiddish, it means "fright") and keep you on Trak with their takes on the picture prompt if you grab a big club (optional) and click right here.

Shrek may gloat, but Trak All The Way actually wasn't that bad a movie. I just didn't find the love scenes between Trak and Scarlett Johansson all that convincing.

34 comments:

  1. Good one, Perry. I love Shrek and his positive (or twisted) outlook. I also love your stories. They keep me laughing and smiling (maybe I am Shrek).

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    1. If you are Shrek, I have but one think to say. AHHHHHH!!!!! AN OGRE!!!!! HELP ME!!!!
      Otherwise thanks for the nice words.

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  2. trak should accept shrek's compliment only if he means it. :)

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    1. He doesn't. He's rubbing it in that Trak is going to have to go back to making shitty movies with Mel Gibson.

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  3. Dear Perry, Well maybe not the best movies for the Academy to review, but certainly worth watching the first time. Oscar coming here! Nan

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    1. Thanks, Nan, but I don't think Trak needs to prepare any acceptance speeches. Doubt he'd be thanking Shrek or Mel Gibson.

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  4. I would take Shrek's comment at face value. Trak can't afford not to, I think. Not with his trak record of film successes. Oh! see what I did. :(

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    1. I think you're right, Sandra. It's very unlikely there'll be a Trak All The Way II or even a Trak Part-Way, for those of us keeping Trak. (Nah, I like your line better!)

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  5. And I always thought Shrek was a nice ogre. He's kind of a bully to rub Trak's nose in his success.

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    1. Yes, Dawn, you're thinking of Shrek as he appears on screen. The real Shrek is rumored to be the meanest ogre in show business and the donkey and even Robert DeNiro have refused to work with him going forward. But he is unquestionably the best song and dance ogre in the business.

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  6. Another one in your inimitable style! I thought Shrek was kinder than that comment makes him appear.

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    1. It's an act. He's the most hated ogre in Hollywood. Ask any of his four wives.

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  7. I didn't know Mel was still making movies--even bad ones. He's not exactly the actor to hitch one's wagon to these days. Someone ought to tell that to TREK. :)

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    1. Trak has no choice, especially after Trak All The Way. It's either Mel or Carrot Top.

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  8. I have seen all Lethal Ogre movies.. I have so wondered why they are never nominated for an academy award.

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    1. They did win one: An Academy Award for Best Pairing of a Has-Been Racist with an Untalented Ogre. Trak teared up when he accepted the award.

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  9. AnElephant is somewhat out of his depth here as he has never seen a Shrek movie and has limited knowledge of Mr Gibson's oeuvre.
    But the tale was entertainingly done.

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    1. Thank you, Elephant. I wouldn't pack my trunk to go see any one of these movies anyway.

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  10. Lovely, funny, and well done. Made me smile! Sounds like Hollywood is up to it's old shenanigans.

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    1. True, but one must keep in mind the discrimination ogres faced in Hollywood before Shrek. Years ago ogres would be played by white actors like Raymond Burr. At least today American Ogres are always cast whenever the part calls for an Ogre. And I have no idea what I'm talking about.

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  11. A lesson can be learned from this...never trust the personality you witness on a flashy screen.
    What a unique take on the picture.

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    1. Thanks, Francesca. We can trust Trak, however, should he ever be lucky enough to make another movie.

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  12. I hope he doesn't get discouraged. Everyone has to find their way and some of the most successful ogres started out in truly abominable pictures. He just needs a break.

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    1. That's very true. Look at the great career John C. Reilly has today and most people don't even know he's an ogre!

      http://www.younghollywood.com/images/stories/john_c_reilly.jpg

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  13. A love scene between Trak and Scarlett? What's happening to her career? That's got to be lower than the bottom of the barrel for a top movie babe. We may see her doing TV commercials for dog food next. Hilarious, Perry. :D --- Suzanne

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    1. I think she did it just because Trak had been friendly to her on the way up. Her career is intact. Trak is lucky to get Mel Gibson to return his calls.

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  14. Is Trak still living at home? His mom said he'd moved in with you. I can just see the two of you out cruising for chicks, or do they call them Ogrettes? Either way, with his star billing and reputation, surely he can get you a date.

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    1. Actually Trak does fairly well because he convinces women he's Shrek. I'm still trying to convince women I'm Nicholas Cage's grandfather.

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  15. Trak will put them all to shame, because he will be the new captain of the up- and coming series Star-Trak: The Ogrification. And then Shrek will beg to have a guest role.

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    1. I love that! Steady as she goes, Mr. Trak. Overacting as I go, Mr. Trak.

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  16. I'd like to see Trak and Eddie Smurfy in a movie together. I might even pay instead of downloading off the net.

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