Jeannie? Perhaps ..."Perry!" I heard a voice come up behind me. "Perry, is that you?"
I was in a local department trying to purchase a pair of socks that might fit me without creating indentations in my ankles the size of the Grand Canyon when I heard the sweet voice. I turned around and there she was.
It was Jeannie, the cute accountant who I'd worked with at my former job. She looked pretty as ever and her reddish hair was feathered and hung casually and attractively to her shoulders.
"Jeannie!" I exclaimed. "How are you? It's great to see you!"
I'd had a crush on Jeannie almost since I'd met her, although I'd never acted on it. Aside from the inconvenient fact that she was married, I had never pursued it because of:
1) Proper concern for the company's Anti-harassment Policy
2) Lack of guts, and
3) Did I mention lack of guts?
And now here she was before me. And she was looking ...
"Super! You look super, Jeannie!"
"You're looking well too, Perry," she said.
Shit, I'm only looking well! Only well?!!
"Yes... um ... but Jeannie, would you like to see some pictures of me when I still cute? I have them here."
"No, thanks, Perry. You've shown me those pictures many times, once twice in one day."
"So-o-o," I said, "how have you been since the old company?"
"Well, not good at first. There were money problems, then marital problems. Then I got divorced."
DIVORCED!!! Fantastic! Fireworks!! Marching Bands!!! The Fourth of July!!!!
"That's okay, Perry. It's better now."
Here at long last was my Golden Opportunity! Onward, Jewish soldier! Guts, man, guts!
"Jeannie, would you like to get a cup of coffee?"
"Why, I'd love to."
She said YES!!! In my mind, we were already gazing longingly into each others' eyes, in bed exploring every position imaginable in the Kama Sutra, applying for social security online together ....
"Oh, wait a minute," she said. "I won't have time. I'm meeting Charlie at 5:00."
"Uhh ... who's Charlie?"
"My fiance. He got me through the divorce and we fell for each other."
Fell for each other?! Like from a building? Hope he broke something!!!
"He's wonderful," rhapsodized Jeannie. "Say, how's Brandon?"
"He's ... he's... going to college or something. Something or other."
"Goodbye, Perry," she called as she scurried away. "Loved seeing you,"
"Loved seeing you too," I choked. "Best to good ol' Charlie!"
Well, at least my trip to the department store wasn't a total loss.
At least I got socks.