Saturday, June 6, 2015

Rocking Chair Boomer

Nowadays there are a great many Boomer oriented websites, almost as many out there as there are Boomers who would sell their souls to a post-1980's rock group if only they could crank their ages down a decade or two.

The sites include Boomer Cafe, Boomeon, Purple Clover, Senior Correspondent, HuffPost 50, and more, some of which I have been privileged to write for (in receipt of lucrative fees not in excess of $0.00), but all of which have something in common. They all market themselves as presenting content geared for Boomers with "active" lifestyles.

But doesn't a reference to "active" Boomers kind of imply that most Boomers are not active?  Does that mean most Boomers are dull, plodding, and unadventurous? If that's true, perhaps we need one more website to speak to those of us the other sites ignore.  Perhaps we need .... 

Rocking Chair Boomer
The Website for Sedentary Boomers

Are you a Boomer with a passive, inactive lifestyle?  Then you've come to the right place!  Lazy and shiftless, whining is what you do best. There's no challenge you can't shirk. Your favorite sport is scratching. Yep, you're our kind of Boomer!
So pull up an easy chair, put your feet up, and
 Welcome to Rocking Chair Boomer!
If you can stay awake.

Current Content

(Last Time We Happened to Check)

Best Recliners for 2015;
An Exclusive Sedentary Boomer Guide

The Art of Ambling

Sex after 60; New Science Fiction

Doritos or Pringles? - One Boomer's Dilemma


GrandDad's Corner: 

"They're Your Kids, You Watch Them!"

Preparing Your Bucket List;
Should You Get a Bucket at All?

Woodstock: A Primer to Lying You Were There

Hiking the High Himalayas
(Of course it's a joke!)

Helen Mirren Going Strong at 69:
But You're Not or Won't or Didn't!

Poetry Corner:
Ode to A TV Clicker

Ten Great Places to Visit in 2015
Which You Can't Afford Anyway

Medical Science Update:

Return to the Womb May Soon Be Possible! 

It's Your Second Act!
But You Never Could Act

Harness that Entrepreneurial Spirit

And Wrestle it Harmlessly to the Ground 

Five Great Businesses For Boomers to Start

That You'd Probably Fail At Anyway

Is Volunteering for You?

They Don't Pay You, So Fuck It!

Naptime II,
The Sequel!

Boomers Returning to Marijuana;
Like You Ever Left It, Lazy Ass!

Lovin' that Sugar!

At Your Age, Why Teeth?

What You Can Learn from George Clooney;
Like He Would Even Speak to You!

Whittling - Have You Got What It Takes?

Taming That Ear Hair:
Tweeze It, Cut It, or Screw It!

Whatever Became of  the Cast of
Leave It to Beaver?

Whatever Became of  the Cast of

Whatever Became of 
Your Looks?


Anonymous said...

This is hilarious, Perry!!! Love the Sedentary Boomer.....but I'm wondering if I'm one of them myself. Drat.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Joy. I'm proud to say I am not like any of the examples above except for all of them. Okay, okay, I'm working on it!

Russell said...

I don't know about you, but some days just pushing the mouse around and offering an occasional click requires more effort than I'm willing to exert. If I were any more sedentary Connie would have to drive a stake in the ground next to me to see if I ever moved.

Loved the list. You should add something about passing gas and harvesting ear hair.

Perry Block said...

Thanks to your wise comedy counsel I amended the end of the list to prominently feature ear hair and I think it's better. I will pass gas in another post, by cracky!

Jay Lickus said...

I see a TV Show in your future about this topic... That's funny stuff !!!

Perry Block said...

Great, Jay! Uhh ... you got the dollars to back it?

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