Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Bob, the Nearsighted Tree (FF)

FF - Flash Fiction

Bob, the world's only nearsighted tree, had created something of a stir among the annual convention of the United Optometrists of America. Dr. Lance Feldman, the opthamologist who had  fitted Bob with glasses the size of a Schwinn bicycle, showed a brief video depicting the refraction he'd performed on Bob.

"Better this way or better this way?" asked Dr. Feldman.

"The first way," said Bob. "Now I'll be able to clearly see squirrels coming and can way better hide my nuts!"

"Sharper or less sharp?"

"Sharper!  Hey, bet I can finally totally check out the hot tree next door and imagine her without bark!"

The assemblage applauded warmly. 

"If only other trees talked," sighed the doctor, "I might one day be able to realize my dream. To find a tree with astigmatism!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A tree may grow in Brooklyn but it can't outdo the tree in our story above --- based on the picture prompt also above --- unless it can sing and dance as well as talk.  And though it took an excessive 130 words to tell his story, I doubt that any tree can keep up with Bob, 20/20 vision or not. 

Bob, the Nearsighted Tree represents my weekly contribution to the fabulous Friday Fictioneers, and he joins me in inviting you to branch out into the work of the other Fictioneers and leaf through their many offerings by clicking here.

I think that I shall never see a Fictioneer post lovely as a tree!  I doubt that, especially if the tree is wearing Schwinn size glasses like Bob!

90 comments:

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Perry,

You are one of a kind. No doubt, so is Bob. What about Bob?

I'm amused.

Shalom,

Rochelle

Perry Block said...

What about Bob? He's the toast of optometrists coast to coast. If he ever gets glaucoma, it'll be in all the medical journals.

Otherwise he can't get arrested. Thanks,Rochelle!

greenwalledtower said...

I always know I'm going to get something quirky with your stories. Loved this.

Sandra Crook said...

One of your best I think, Perry. :) I could practically see my optician..

highfiveandraspberries said...

Protecting one's nuts is very important.Thank goodness for optometry..LOVED this story

Perry Block said...

I always try for heaping helpings of quirk. But it's getting so damn expensive!

rckjones said...

Now when are they going to make human-size glasses that are stylishly shaped like bicycles? What a creative story!

Perry Block said...

I certainly hope he's worth seeing or I'm going to feel bad. But Bob is so happy to be called one of the best!

Perry Block said...

Now will you take you eye care seriously, just like Bob?

Perry Block said...

Want to go into business together? I mean I'm not exactly racking up the bucks with this writing thing.

misskzebra said...

I think I have to show this to my housemate, she works at an optician's office.

Perry Block said...

Good. I am positive he or she will be thrilled at the prospect of a nearsighted tree!

moondustwriter said...

May find atwigmatism in a tree though
Perry you are a nut but a very talented one!
cheers

walkertoennien said...

I really enjoyed the POV in this one.

lindavernon said...

LOL!! I can totally relate to Bob. I just got new glasses and they look a lot like Bob's. :D

paulmclem said...

If anyone else does a story about a tree wearing glasses they must have copied this one. Would never have seen that in a million years! Good job.

Dobson said...

Very funny. You went the same way I did by giving life to the object in the photo. I like this take with giving the tree some personification.

theeclecticeccentricshopaholic said...

LOL Perry, your imagination never ceases to amaze me! ^^

lingeringvisions said...

Hide my nuts! That made me GOL (groan out loud).

janet said...

Ahh, Perry, what a relief! The Queen is amused. You shall soon be Sir Perry Winkle, and Bob's your uncle. Or is he? If it weren't for a penchant for ruining the lives of those who get in the way or mock him, you might have named your doctor Lance Eyestrong, but alas!

P.S. SO glad Bob will be able to hide his nuts.

janet

bridgesareforburning said...

Hi Perry,
This confirms what I thought, you have a seriously demented imagination. You creativity and humor combine here for a completely off the wall story that is unique. I'm over-elmed. Ron

gabriellaswritingcorner said...

Lovely take on the prompt! Who would have thought tress had such thoughts?

Penny Howe said...

Funny and brilliant and clever too! I'm laughing!

mezzojan said...

This makes me afraid to pick up my new glasses!!!

Well done, Perry. I can always count on you to make me laugh. Or chortle, chuckle, guffaw, snort or at least smile :-)

pviljoen said...

Indeed an original take! A tree with eyewear! And of course they talk.

zookyworld said...

That's one lively tree. And now that it's fitted with new glasses, he may get livelier! Especially seeing that attractive tree across the way.

Anonymous said...

If only the Republicans had a sense of humor like you!!!!

BO

Anonymous said...

If only Harry Reid had a sense of humor like you!!

MM

Anonymous said...

Bill Clinton has a sense of humor just like you....and that's why I love him!

HC

helenahannbasquiat said...

Oh, Perry, you've done it again! I swear, you write the way Dali painted. What a wonderfully skewed perception you have, darling!

Perry Block said...

Thank you, Janet. I wish I had named the doctor Lance Eyestrong, considering the piece's emphasis on nuts. Glad Bob is maintaining his!

Perry Block said...

Thank you, Moondust! Hopefully sometimes you feel like a nut.

Perry Block said...

The first of three bizarre comments.

Perry Block said...

The second of the trio of bizarre comments.

Perry Block said...

The third of the triumvirate.

Lewis Cave said...

Trees without bark, what a relief, I thought I was the only one with that fetish.

vb holmes said...

Bob has spread the seeds of Dr. Feldman's Advanced Optometry so it can branch out as it leaves its roots, its parasitic nuts and saps, and lumbers toward propogation of the fruits of its growth. (Slow day.)

victoriabruce said...

Bob is a tree after my own heart.

swirlingturnip said...

LOL, Loved this!

newpillowbook said...

Hilarious! And now that you've cleared up my nearsighted astigmatism, I can absolutely see Bob's face in the photo. Really clever.

Perry Block said...

And the POV was blind as a bat until Dr. Feldman came along! Thanks for writing.

Perry Block said...

I sure hope they're smaller.

Perry Block said...

The tree probably wouldn't have either because he's been near sighted for a million years, or however long it is he's lived. Thanks!

Perry Block said...

And Bob likes your comments and thanks you too! But he also asked "what is personification?"

Perry Block said...

My imagination never ceases to amaze me too, primarily because I have such a lousy imagination. Thanks,KZ!

Perry Block said...

I was hoping the story would grab your nuts! Too bad.

Perry Block said...

Over-elmed? I love that line and Bob is sexually aroused. Thank you, Ron!

Perry Block said...

The problem is that much like guys they don't have any other thoughts!

Perry Block said...

And I didn't even tickle you or nothing! Thanks,Penny.

Perry Block said...

Yes, but if you don't do a spit take, I have failed!

Perry Block said...

They talk?!! I missed that!

Perry Block said...

Yes, but discretion caused me to end the story there.

Perry Block said...

Well, Hello, Dali!

Sorry, darling, hope that didn't ruin the whole effect of Bob's debut!

Perry Block said...

No, you're just the only non-deciduous one.

Perry Block said...

I'll bet you are one day going to be Bob's biographer!

Perry Block said...

Yep! He can even see it beating now!

Perry Block said...

Thank you. And check your family tree; as a vegetable you might even be related to Bob!

Perry Block said...

You wouldn't be a tree by any chance? Dr. Feldman, we may have found one!!!

troy P. said...

Oh my God Perry, I had to look twice! A bit of genius, this was in what you saw and wrote!

Perry Block said...

A bit? Nah, an itty-bitty bit. Thanks!

annisik51 said...

Very funny. I like the bit about being able to see the hot tree next door 'without her bark'. My optician's a Sikh. No, not sick, a Sikh. I am Ann Isik. People often refer to me as Ann is sick. Thanks for making me laugh.

Linda Palund said...

So totally funny, and detailed. I think it is one of your best. I loved every bit of it - especially seeing the tree without bark. but just the stepping off point of visualising the bicycle as a pair of spectacles was creative enough!

kindredspirit23 said...

Lol - good smile for the day.
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/5078/

Russell said...

I'm nearsighted too, and recently fitted with glasses. Unfortunately, they're only the size of basketballs and not as large and attractive as Bob's. Now, if I could only learn to talk . . . .

Perry Block said...

Whew, you wore me out with all that Ann! Now I'm feeling a little sick ....

Perry Block said...

What can I say? You're barking up the right tree! Thanks, Linda.

Perry Block said...

I'm glad. Keep smiling!

Perry Block said...

If you learn to talk it'll blow the whole image!

EL Appleby said...

Hilarious! I loved it :)

Björn said...

Wonderful to -- love the line of hiding the nuts

anelephantcant.me said...

AnElephant goes out on a limb and tells you how funny this is.
Cheers!

Carol Forrester said...

Very funny.

Patrick Prinsloo said...

You certainly have a way of seeing the surreal in the ordinary. Clever take and fun story.

Perry Block said...

Bob loves you too! :]) Even wider smile!

Perry Block said...

Thanks! Wonder where he does hide them?

Perry Block said...

Just Please don't go out on one of Bob's limbs --- OUCH!!!

Perry Block said...

Not really. I just constantly scan "Optometry Today."

Perry Block said...

Bob wants you to check him out when he wears his Groucho Marx glasses, mustache, and nose ensemble. Now THAT'S very funny!

Beth said...

Never in a million years would I have thought of this original take. How clever and hilarious. Now, that's all I can see--a tree with gigantic glasses like my former fiance used to wear (on television, no less). And the optometrist was spot on. Well done, Perry!

Perry Block said...

Well you see, Beth, at my age I've had close to a million years to see it. (Tell me about your former fiance, he sounds almost as cool as Bob!)

injaynesworld said...

I will never look at a bicycle the same way again, but then I'm so near-sighted I rarely see them anyway. I do, however, bump into a lot of trees. I'd like to bump into Bob some day. He seems like a nice fellow. :)

steph said...

So very clever! My first time here, but it won't be my last. Original and creative take on the photo! Wow!

Perry Block said...

Yeah, Jayne, he's nice all right, but just watch out he doesn't pull the old "You know they don't call me Woodie for nothing!" line on you ...

Perry Block said...

Wow yourself! And Bob will be more than willing to hide the Fugitive behind his Schwinn glasses if asked.

June O'Hara said...

You are indeed one of a kind.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, June! Yep, I'm one of a kind, all right; 86 comments here and zero in the next post. I am indeed the Schizophrenic Blogger!

40again said...

One of your best Perry, fantastic idea, well done

Perry Block said...

And wish I were 40 again too! Thanks.

Renee Heath said...

A very funny one Perry. Liked it a lot.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Renee. I try.