Monday, July 29, 2013

I'll Take It, Sir

"I'll take it, sir."

They're four simple words you've heard many times and will hear many times more. You're in a restaurant,  hotel, or other public place and you've got something in your hand you wish to dispose of.  It might be:

1) leftover wrappings from the Big Mac and fries you just nauseated yourself with and swear you'll never eat again,
2) paper towels with which you wiped up a gazpacho spill you clumsily precipitated, 
3) tissues into which you just blew your nose and/or masturbated, depending on how lonely you've been lately,  and/or
4) nuclear waste

And so you ask the waiter, cashier, hotel clerk, or whoever else  is at hand:

"Where is your trash?" 

You are indeed sincere.  You are willing to walk upwards of three quarters of a mile if need be to personally dispose of the refuse, and why not?  It's your trash and you are morally if not legally responsible for its clean, safe, and environmentally friendly demise.

But instead of directing you to the nearest  trash or recycling receptacle,  the service person says the four special words, outstretches his or her hand, and willingly receives into his or her palm what may be toxic enough to give rise to Rise of Planet of the Apes!  Even if the refuse is glowing and pulsating, he or she doesn't  inquire of you what it is, doesn't put on a pharmaceutical glove, and doesn't even ask you to submit to a "Pre-Taking It Sir Physical Exam."   

He or she just takes it, sir!

Why would anyone do this?  Is there a course in Hospitality School called "Taking It, Sir 101" or "Honors Four Words" in which you learn that sterility is an occupational hazard if you want to work at Wendy's? Are those four specific words actually taught by the professors or may you ad lib others of similar import?  And is self treatment for fungal infection also included as art of the course?

Frankly I've come to expect my service person to say the four words whenever I've personal rubbish at hand.  True, I free sorry for his or her potential  progeny, but if ever a service person actually MapQuested me to the nearest trash receptacle, I'd ask to see the manager.  Surely he or she would take it, sir and probably comp me for two or three free take it, sir's going forward as well!

Four simple words, but those who say them may be unleashing the virus that ends humanity or at least giving themselves a severe case of genital warts.   So here's to the unsung heroes of the food and hospitality service industries, wherever they be and whoever they are.  

May they take it, sir forever more!



Perry Block said...

As nature abhors a vacuum, I abhor posts with no comments so I'll post one. Hopefully the world heeds my warning and service people at least begin wearing rubber gloves when they "take it, sir."

Or you stop blowing your damn nose without a handkerchief!

Coach Factory said...

abercrombie and fitch, longchamp, nike free, nike air max, barbour, hollister, lacoste, louboutin, north face, air force, sac louis vuitton, nike roshe, ray ban pas cher, nike trainers, louis vuitton, hollister, longchamp, nike huarache, ralph lauren, air jordan, tn pas cher, sac guess, vanessa bruno, burberry, timberland, hermes, michael kors, lululemon, nike roshe run, converse pas cher, ralph lauren, nike free, michael kors, vans shoes, new balance pas cher, hollister, louis vuitton, mulberry, vans, longchamp, nike blazer, ray ban, louis vuitton, montre pas cher, hogan, karen millen, air max, air max, michael kors, oakley pas cher

Coach Factory said...

abercrombie and fitch, mac cosmetics, valentino shoes, moncler outlet, insanity, canada goose, canada goose, herve leger, canada goose outlet, juicy couture outlet, ferragamo shoes, new balance shoes, asics, instyler, ugg boots, rolex watches, giuseppe zanotti, beats by dre, ghd, babyliss pro, birkin bag, jimmy choo, moncler, uggs on sale, chi flat iron, ugg, wedding dresses, canada goose, mcm handbags, canada goose, north face outlet, celine handbags, roshe run, reebok outlet, mont blanc, soccer shoes, juicy couture outlet, moncler, nfl jerseys, canada goose outlet, soccer jerseys, moncler, uggs outlet, lululemon outlet, marc jacobs, supra shoes, p90x, ugg boots, north face jackets, bottega veneta

Coach Factory said...

coach outlet, longchamp handbags, louis vuitton outlet, toms shoes, prada outlet, michael kors outlet, longchamp outlet, gucci outlet, ray ban sunglasses, nike free, christian louboutin shoes, cheap oakley sunglasses, prada handbags, michael kors outlet online, coach factory outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet online, michael kors outlet online, true religion jeans, ray ban sunglasses, coach outlet, nike air max, louboutin shoes, louboutin, michael kors outlet, burberry outlet online, coach purses, tiffany and co, burberry outlet online, louis vuitton handbags, chanel handbags, tory burch outlet, michael kors outlet, jordan shoes, air max, longchamp handbags, kate spade handbags, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet, coach outlet store online, louboutin outlet, nike shoes, kate spade outlet, louis vuitton outlet online, oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet stores