Monday, July 29, 2013

I'll Take It, Sir



"I'll take it, sir."

They're four simple words you've heard many times and will hear many times more. You're in a restaurant,  hotel, or other public place and you've got something in your hand you wish to dispose of.  It might be:

1) leftover wrappings from the Big Mac and fries you just nauseated yourself with and swear you'll never eat again,
2) paper towels with which you wiped up a gazpacho spill you clumsily precipitated, 
3) tissues into which you just blew your nose and/or masturbated, depending on how lonely you've been lately,  and/or
4) nuclear waste

And so you ask the waiter, cashier, hotel clerk, or whoever else  is at hand:

"Where is your trash?" 

You are indeed sincere.  You are willing to walk upwards of three quarters of a mile if need be to personally dispose of the refuse, and why not?  It's your trash and you are morally if not legally responsible for its clean, safe, and environmentally friendly demise.

But instead of directing you to the nearest  trash or recycling receptacle,  the service person says the four special words, outstretches his or her hand, and willingly receives into his or her palm what may be toxic enough to give rise to Rise of Planet of the Apes!  Even if the refuse is glowing and pulsating, he or she doesn't  inquire of you what it is, doesn't put on a pharmaceutical glove, and doesn't even ask you to submit to a "Pre-Taking It Sir Physical Exam."   

He or she just takes it, sir!

Why would anyone do this?  Is there a course in Hospitality School called "Taking It, Sir 101" or "Honors Four Words" in which you learn that sterility is an occupational hazard if you want to work at Wendy's? Are those four specific words actually taught by the professors or may you ad lib others of similar import?  And is self treatment for fungal infection also included as art of the course?

Frankly I've come to expect my service person to say the four words whenever I've personal rubbish at hand.  True, I free sorry for his or her potential  progeny, but if ever a service person actually MapQuested me to the nearest trash receptacle, I'd ask to see the manager.  Surely he or she would take it, sir and probably comp me for two or three free take it, sir's going forward as well!

Four simple words, but those who say them may be unleashing the virus that ends humanity or at least giving themselves a severe case of genital warts.   So here's to the unsung heroes of the food and hospitality service industries, wherever they be and whoever they are.  

May they take it, sir forever more!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4 comments:

Perry Block said...

As nature abhors a vacuum, I abhor posts with no comments so I'll post one. Hopefully the world heeds my warning and service people at least begin wearing rubber gloves when they "take it, sir."

Or you stop blowing your damn nose without a handkerchief!

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