It was learned today that a bizarre visual ailment has stricken Republican members of Congress which the nation’s premier vision specialists have been powerless to diagnose or treat. The strange affliction causes GOP lawmakers to be partially blind, wholly unable to see an enormous African elephant in the room holding a flag in its trunk proclaiming:
”This guy is fucking nuts!”
Speaking to reporters regarding the just announced Republican health care plan, House Majority Leader Paul Ryan stated "What are you talking about, I don't see an elephant in the room!" when questioned about the enormous pachyderm in the room blowing water jetties directly into his face.
At yesterday’s Daily White House Briefing, Sean Spicer repeated over and over that he was sick and tired of answering questions about the "so-called" elephant in the room, even though the elephant was sitting on his chest, causing Mr. Spicer to speak like the Christian Bale Batman and expel several of his internal organs right into Jim Acosta's lap.
Although few Republican lawmakers are immune to this malady, there is rumor that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has indeed seen the elephant in the room. Despite denials, Mr. McConnell was caught on at least one occasion attempting to hide the elephant in the room in his neck jowls.
Oddly enough this terrible visual affliction has not affected Democratic lawmakers, who can all clearly see the elephant in the room and have reported the flag it is holding is now worded:
“Boy oh boy, is this guy fucking nuts!”
Meanwhile the nation waits for our suffering Republican lawmakers to recover the ability to see everything again, including the three ton elephant in the room. Will no Republican ever be able to see it?
We’re all waiting … and waiting ….