Thursday, March 16, 2017

Idiot Buys Stupid Gadget That Lets Him Watch TV Channels He Already Receives*

A local area stupid idiot has recently purchased that idiotic gadget they sell on television that enables you to watch the same broadcast television channels that you have always been able to watch for free.  It's difficult to believe anyone could be such a douchebag as to fall for this ludicrous scam.
The television commercial puts forth the ridiculous proposition that there's no need for anyone to purchase cable television because the moronic contraption, which costs twenty hard earned dollars, enables you to enjoy clear crisp reception of the very same broadcast television channels that you already receive in a clear crisp manner unless you are on a spaceship bound for one of those recently discovered seven planets 40 light years away.

"Why pay hundreds of dollars for cable and satellite channels you may never even watch?" says the sleazy pitchman on the television commercial that appeals only to persons of the lowest measurable intelligence quotient (IQ).

"You know he makes a lot of sense," marveled the mental midget just before ordering 6 or 7 of the totally worthless doo-hickeys. "I really miss HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, Starz, and all the other cable channels I used to love," commented the dumb shit, "but like the man on television says I was paying hundreds of dollars for cable and satellite channels I may never even watch, like the Spanish language ones. Now I can watch The Bachelor every week and get crisp clear reception!"

At the time of this posting, the cretin was sitting at home watching Two Broke Girls with a vaguely unsatisfied look on his dumbass face.


*In the style of The Onion.  No, I didn't say as funny as The Onion, just in the style of!


Russell said...

I got the jump on this idiotic gadget and bought a HD antenna two years ago. The thing was supposed to pick up signals for up to 100 miles, but it's more like half of that--and I paid a helluva lot more than $20 for it.

Actually, I kind of miss the Spanish speaking soap operas. I couldn't understand a damn word they said, but it was hilarious watching their facial expressions and dramatic overacting. Not to mention the gorgeous chicks. No Susan Lucci antiques on their network.

Perry Block said...

Don't you call my fantasy woman an antique! That lack of teeth is wonderful for --- oh, you don't understand nothing!