Sunday, November 29, 2015

All the World’s a Stage Productions














We're standing in a small off-Broadway theater in New York City. The marque out front says "All The World's a Stage Productions." 

Perry Block:   Umm, Mr. Shakeman, sir?  I was ...er ... told to introduce myself to you.

Director William Shakeman:  And you are?

Perry: I’m your new assistant, Perry Block.

Will:  Oh, hullo, Perry.  Welcome to All the World’s a Stage Productions.

Perry:  Thank you, sir.  If I may, Mr. Shakeman, I'm afraid I don't really know what kind of show you put on here.

Will: Oh, sure.  What we do here, Perry, is write, direct, and produce everything that goes on in the world everywhere all the time.

Perry:  What?  Gee, I always thought all that stuff just ... kind of happens.

Will:  No, Perry, nothing  just kind of happens.  

Perry: No?

Will: No.  For example, today we’re going to be presenting a short scene in Kliman’s Bar, Abilene Texas on June 15, 2016.  I’ve just gotten the script in now.

Perry:   Gotten the script in now?  Doesn't everybody just speak for themselves?

Will: Of course not!  Remember: All the World’s a Stage.  

Perry:  I always thought that was just a metaphor or something.

Will: No, not at all.

Perry: Well, who writes the dialogue?

Will: Aaron Sorkin, of course.  But all the dumb people on Earth are written by the Farrelly Brothers.

Perry: That does make sense.

Will: Now, everybody, hit your marks and let’s do the scene!



Bar Owner Ernest Kliman:  You’ve had enough hootch, Sidney.  I’m shutting you off.

Sidney, the Town Drunk: Horsefeathers!


Will: That’s it. 

Perry:   That’s it?

Will: That’s all that happened that day in Kliman’s Bar.

Perry:  I could have sworn the bar owner looked a bit like Ted Cruz.

Will:  Oh, yeah, that was Ted Cruz.  One of my best actors.  Totally crazy though.

Perry:  That was the real Ted Cruz?!  

Will: Pretty good casting, don't you think?

Perry: But doesn't everybody just play themselves?  

Will: No, of course not!  Remember: All the Worlds' a Stage.

Perry:  Well, who was playing the town drunk?

Will:  General Petraeus. He has a tough time getting work these days. I try to throw him a bone. 

Perry:   Let me get this straight: you cast all the roles for everyone in the whole world? But that must be a couple of billion people.

Will: Seven point three billion, to be exact.

Perry:  But... but ...that’s gotta take an incredible amount of time!

Will: Tell me about it:  hey, what’s a weekend? What’s getting home before 12:00 AM?

Ralph:  Your wife must complain all the time about you being away from home.

Will: Yeah, but fortunately I cast Scarlett Johansson as my wife, so it’s well worthwhile.

Perry:  How do you do it? Direct everything that happens involving everybody in the entire world!

Will: I must modestly admit I’ve got me a bit of a knack for multi-tasking. 

Perry:  Mr. Shakeman, I mean no disrespect, but all of this, every scene, everywhere in the world. This will never work!

Will: Been working for thousands of years.

Perry:  What?

Will: You think Alexander the Great played himself?  That was Timic the Inconsequential.  What a stretch!

Ralph:   I can’t believe it!

Will: Remember: All The World's a Stage. Think you’re playing yourself?  You’re being played by actor John C. Reilly. 

Perry:   So that's why I can’t make it with chicks! Well, then who am I playing?

Will: I dunno. I didn’t cast you yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 comments:

  1. Still can't find a role, eh, Perry. I thought of suggesting you for the role of Melissa McCarthy, but you just don't have the moves. Ask Snakeman if the Abe Vigoda opening is still available.

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    1. Nice suggestions, Russell, but I just got cast as Zac Efron. Doubt we'll have a scene together with you as Ted Cruz. Well, you might get to be President!

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  2. Yeah, I don't think this bit really worked either. But I liked the concept and it was fun giving it a shot.

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  3. If all the world's a stage and you haven't been cast yet, metaphorically speaking, I think it just might be curtains for you.

    PS how was the sleepover with all those women responding to your shout out Saturday night? Did I miss anything good? Wanna have one over here next weekend? If you can't come, do you think any of your lady friends might be interested. I could invite Zac Efron. Naw, I'll just bake brownies like you did.

    Randy

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    1. Okay, I'll be over with about 17 female friends. Their cumulative ages equal ours. You bring the case of Viagra. And put something in the brownies too, just like I did.

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