Friday, January 16, 2015

Asian Misbehavin'

When it comes to discussions of favorite foods, mine always starts and stops with Asian.  Love the sauces, love the vegetables, love the rice, love the MSG and the accompanying runny nose, verily there's little I don't love.  Until now.

Perhaps you saw the recent article about a Brooklyn-based food supplier to Chinese restaurants named New Yung Wah that was cited for its alleged wanton disregard for sanitary codes after rodent carcasses, feces, and urine were found in its warehouse. Now that's just one supplier and I know most suppliers certainly Asian misbehavin', but still I can't help but wonder ....

"Hi Perry, nice to see you back here at the Lucky Dragon."

"Hullo, Victor, how are you?  Still ... still in business, I see."

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?  Want some General Tsos tonight?"

'Maybe.  But first I have sort of a question ... umm ... do you ..."

"Yes, Perry?"

"Do you ... you ... uh ... ever go up to Brooklyn?"


"Yeah. Y'know,  Brooklyn, New York.  Near Manhattan, kind of trendy. Used to be the home of the Brooklyn Dodgers. Jackie Robinson, No. 42, that Brooklyn."

"Of course I know Brooklyn.  I go there quite a lot."

"YOU DO?!  I mean: you do, how nice!  What do you do up there?"

"I have a lot of relatives there."  

"OH, THANK GOD!! Nothing like family, I always say. So you never buy any food up there, do you, Victor?"

"Oh, yes, I do sometimes.  Got a great long term supplier there."

"But there's great long term suppliers right here in Philadelphia!" 

"Why so upset about Brooklyn, Perry?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing.  I just prefer when people buy local is all; so much fresher and all."  

"Perry, you're turning as green as a Jade statue!"

"No,no, I'm just ...  Out of curiosity, what's the name of your supplier in Brooklyn?"

"Sure. My supplier in Brooklyn is New ... why do you have your hands over your ears, Perry?"

"Tinnitus, big problem!  Have to keep noise out sometimes."

"Oh. Well, as I was saying my supplier is New ... why do you have your hands over your ears, Perry?"

"Too much exposure to rock music 30 years ago, cleaning out that pesky waxy ear buildup, and ... uhh ... abject fear of hearing you say the words Yung and Wah in the rest of that sentence."

"You look as green as sauteed string beans, Perry!  Would you like to sit down? By the way, did you know Chinese New Year is coming up?" 

"I didn't. What year is it now?  I hope it's not the Year of the Rat.""

"No, Perry, it's not."


"It's the Year of the Horse."

"The Horse! I'm eating someone I might have bet on?!!!"

"Perry, now you're as green as the meat I get from my supplier in Brooklyn." 

"Sorry, sorry, Victor, think I feel like a different kind of food tonight." 

"What kind of food?"

"Maybe I'll try some Indian."

"Indian!  No!  No!"

"Why not, Victor?"

"Didn't you hear about the supplier of Indian food in Brooklyn whose warehouse was cited for rodent carcasses, feces, urine and ..."



Russell Gayer said...

We have a restaurant here called OK China. Nothing like flaunting your mediocrity, I always say. It's worked well for Russell Gayer

Perry Block said...

Flaunting your mediocrity? I understand that signified your dating life too. Well, whatever works!

Anonymous said...

I'm sticking with home cooking after reading this.
Although I'm not sure that anything we buy In Supermarkets is any good, anyway.

Perry Block said...

Are you kidding? La Mousee a la Fece is always delicious at Acme!

Les Becker said...

That's nasty, Perry! Here, I'll only eat Chinese from the family-run restaurant that I used to work at, since I know what's made right there and what's brought in, and from where. What I'm gonna do if they ever sell the place is beyond me... I only cook "fake" Asian at home. Still - thanks for grossing me out even further on Garbage Night.

Perry Block said...

Thanks for the comment, Les. Remind me to gross you out early and often.