Wednesday, October 22, 2014

An Authentic Scots Restaurant

Copyright The Reclining Gentleman
(w/ Nessie courtesy of Douglas McIlroy)

“Well, we gave it our all these six long months."

"I know, Amy. You and I combed every square inch of that lake and still no Nessie!"

"Don't berate yourself, Henry. It wasn't a total failure.  At least we did find the lost city of Atlantis."

"So what?  They were nothing but an impediment with their attempts to contact us about their stupid immortality ray!" 

"You're right, they did get in the way.  Want to take one last look at the lake?"

"What's the point? It'll just bum us out.  Let's go eat."

"Where to?"

"How about an authentic Scot's restaurant?   McDonalds!"


My first instinct when I saw this week's Friday Fictioneers' picture prompt was to have one of the two characters sitting on the bench turn to the other and say "Boy, Amy, Renee Zellweger really looks different this time!" 

But ultimately I opted for the more traditional tale of the search for Nessie, especially since I was able to bring it home for an uber-respectable 102 words. BTW, you can bring home some uber-entertaining stories from the other Friday Fictioneers by clicking right here.

Now if you don't mind, I'm taking me a deep breath and checking out that immortality ray. God, I hope I don't run into Nessie ... or Renee Zellweger!

36 comments:

janet said...

Both ideas seem equally out-of-this-world, Perry. I think I prefer the hunt for Nessie. Maybe Nessie has a new face, too, and that's why she can't be found.

janet

margirene said...

Are you sure the Atlanteans didn't have an invisibility ray as well? Maybe Nessie belongs to them. A greatly entertaining story.
Marg

thewritersvillage said...

Boy, Perry, you really are out there.

You saw Renee Zellweger? Wow, I could of sworn it looked more like Arnold Swarzenegger.
Zellweger-Swarzennegger-Hamburger.
I just going for the scotch.

Randy.

Dawn said...

I thought you wrote comedy?
McDonald's?
That's just sad! ;)

thewritersvillage said...

So Doug bailed on you after you wrote this piece.
You should have realized that he might submerge. Ha. Get it.
Submarine, submerge.
Hoo boy, I hope that didn't go too far under your head.

Perry Block said...

You're exactly right, Randy. It is a coldiferous dippingsterious pondalactus but its formal name is much longer, of course. Doug didn't bail, he's still got the coldife...oh, what the hell, I call her Nessie, on his blog. I just didn't know nobody else did. Yep, it all did go under my head since I was on a flight at that time. Most stuff goes way over it.

Perry Block said...

That could be it. Maybe Nessie has Cher's old face! I feel kind of silly that I was working the wrong prompt here; shouldn't there be some kind of fine for Doug for desecrated a proper prompt? I'm going to look into it!

Perry Block said...

I don't know about an invisibility ray; I think the immortality, personal wealth, and sexual irresistableness ray are probably enough. Glad you liked!

Perry Block said...

Yes, Dawn, the McDonald's part is tragedy. I hoped the rest was funny.

Sandra Crook said...

I could forgive you anything, but not McDonald's. Into the sin bin with you....

Januarys Dreamer said...

Funny what you miss when you're not looking for it!

sorchiadubois said...

As if the McDonalds haven't left enough of a legacy--what with kicking the arses of nearly every other clan and starting most of the wars. Mchaggis, anyone? The loch must be crowded with the Atlanteans AND Nessie. Enjoyed it!

Björn Rudberg said...

I wonder if they made burgers out of Nessie.. that could be something for the Scottish McDonalds.

Alicia said...

stupid immortality ray (Funny!) Another touch of humor from you, Perry. Well done. Love the conversation.

lizy-expat-writer said...

Your stories are always out of this world, Perry.

amyreesewrites.com said...

Hey, look at that. I have a starring role! Okay, maybe it's not me. Renee does look different, but no worries, she says she's happy! As for Nessie, I'll help out in the search. I like the Nessie take. I wish I would have thought of it. :)

nanclairefalkner said...

Dear Perry, FUNNY! Poor Nessie - No one believes in her (or him) and yet people are always writing about her (I have it on good authority that it is a HER!). I think Renee does look less goofy now but I think the 'goofy' gave her a great look too - all squinted eyes aside.

mikefalkner1 said...

McDonalds ?#%@ ... Boy, you know how to treat a lady. You better stick to writing.

P.S. Joshi said...

Perry, I hope Nessie doesn't show up when you go to eat at McDonald's. The people of Atlantis probably have a deal worked out where they distract searchers while Nessie swims away. Funny and well-written. :) --- Susan

Perry Block said...

C'mon, Sandra, let's have a Big Mac and large fries and talk this thing over ...

Perry Block said...

It's true. I guess these two were just too set on McDonald's to notice.

Perry Block said...

Wow, I didn't know that. Thanks for the history lesson. Yeah, it's busy in that Loch, no wonder Nessie tries to hide out for a little peace and quiet.

Perry Block said...

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they did, and if they taste better than the ones here.

Perry Block said...

Well, if it gets in the way of finding Nessie, that ray would be annoying. Thanks, Alicia!

Perry Block said...

Thank you!

Perry Block said...

The only reason I thought of it is that Nessie is actually there in my photo prompt. I copied Doug's, not realizing he had added Nessie to his but the "prompt-in-chief" didn't have it. Meanwhile I'm upset Renee didn't choose my face. What's wrong with me?!

Perry Block said...

I think Renee looked okay either way, although people were always criticizing her looks. Somehow she managed to become a star anyway. I don't think Nessie will ever be found if these two intrepid explorers missed her.

Perry Block said...

Wait a minute! It wasn't me in this one, Mike, it was some fictitious guy. I would take her to Burger King!

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Susan. You're probably right. I wonder if Nessie pays them in Nessiburgers?

Susan Robinson said...

Enjoyed your story Perry.

Douglas MacIlroy said...

Dear Perry,

I had so much fun reading your story and the comments. Thanks for a good laugh. The editorial department has contacted me and told me under no circumstances to ever modify that picture again. The issue of the fine is still up in the air.

Aloha,

Doug

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Perry and Douglas,

The editorial department is considering the fine. But we're laughing too hard to do anything about it. McDonald's? Really? Do you know there are Kosher McDonald's in Israel. Cheese and Burger sold separately.

Shalom,

Rochelle

Perry Block said...

Thank you, Susan. Hail Atlantis!

Perry Block said...

I hope you don't get a fine because I like the prompt better with Nessie. I don't know how you did it but it worked for me. Thanks, Doug! (I'm not volunteering to go in on the fine.)

Perry Block said...

Thanks to Doug's Nessie, I was able to work three jokes into the story --- 1) Looking for Nessie, but finding Atlantis, 2) Not taking one more look when Nessie was plainly visible, and 3) McDonald's. Whether any of the jokes were funny is something else again!

love HAPPY Notes said...

I loved this Perry. I laughed out loud. Fantastic!