Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Scariest Low-Budget Monster of All



"Roger, I can tell you're about to do it again."

"Do what again, Anthony?"

"Deliver another low budget masterpiece! This is going to be your scariest movie since Revenge of the Blood Sucking Zombies from Cleveland!"

"Thanks!  Y'know, that one did win  Monster Picture of the Year 1955."

"Not to mention Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman with Large Breasts and 50 Million Miles to Earth and Up Your Shorts!" 

"Yes, guess I've always known how to scare audiences on the cheap."  

"And this new picture has the scariest low-budget monster of all!"

"What do you mean?  What monster?"

"The cheesy one right above us."

"But I haven't designed the monster yet for ....."

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's nothing like a 1950's monster picture when you're up in the middle of the night with a bowl of vanilla fudge ice cream until you realize you are old enough to have seen the movie when it opened in theaters and that you shouldn't be eating vanilla fudge ice cream in the middle of the night because now you're going to have reflux until dawn!

Otherwise there's nothing like a 1950's monster picture, especially when it's the subject of your contribution to the Friday Fictioneers based on the picture prompt above.  It's almost scary how many other interpretations there are of the prompt by the other Fictioneers, and may you be chased by the Blood Sucking Zombies from Cleveland if you don't click here to check them out!

And what of the scariest low-budget monster of all?   It's right above you!    

Knew I shouldn't have tried that one again.  

44 comments:

  1. Another funny story. Good one, Perry. I remember those old movies well. I understand some of them turned Steven King into the author he is today. As a little kid, he wasn't scared; he was fascinated. : )

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    1. I wasn't scared by these, but I was very scared by the 1930's Frankenstein/Dracula/Wolf Man cycle. Unfortunately none of these have turned me into Steven King ... or even into his dog, King. Thanks for writing.

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  2. You forgot the ever-classic Plans 1 through 8 From Outer Space....

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    1. And you know why I forgot them, Helena? Because I'm STUPID, STUPID, DO YOU HEAR ME!!!

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  3. Certainly will be a low budget affair. :) No Director's fees for a start.

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    1. For sure! Even the blood-sucking zombies didn't get paid.

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  4. I first read "About me" section, so naturally, I expected a funny piece. You delivered. Ed Wood springs to mind. Or my best friend. She is like Anthony, having my back no matter what crazy shenanigans I produce. Looking forward to new stories.

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    1. Guys being eaten by a monster is funny? (Thanks for writing!)

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  5. That's great. :) The scary thing, I could totally see that thing in the picture as the monster in one of those old, black-and-white B-movies that are so awesomely bad.

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    1. I had trouble seeing it as anything else! But our talented Fictioneers have come up with so many ideas which, even though wrong, are fascinating.

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  6. Hahaha! Funny as always, Perry. Those Corman films from AIP in the early 1960's ... wow. Low budgets, decent entertainment. Started a LOT of people's careers. The Edgar Allen Poe films were good, with Vincent Price and Peter Lorre and young Jack Nicholson. Was this a birthday tribute?

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    1. Totally accidental that it was Roger Corman's birthday although of course that's why I gave the character that name. And I agree a lot of those movies were entertaining, although it was disturbing to see an older heavy-set vastly different looking Peter Lorre. And as for Corman, let's not forget his classic "Little Shop of Horrors (bob-shu-bop!).

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  7. Man. It seems this particular monster was purely fed up with cheesy representations of himself and his ilk. Probably never got any royalties for those films either!

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  8. They did not say things like "breasts" in the fifties, Perry! lol

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    1. True. I'm taking a little poetic license. They did have tight sweaters, though, but nobody ever took them off.

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  9. Don't forget my all-time favorite, "Up Your Nose With a Rubber Hose." Dawn may be right about not says "breasts" in the 50s, but I'm in my 50s and I still like to say it "BREASTS"
    There, I feel so liberated!

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    1. They wouldn't say it back then or even hint at what someone might do with them. (Not you or me, but cool guys.) Now that you've said "breasts" liberate yourself further and make me proud of you and say ... um, say .... y'know ... say, er ... the "t" word! There, I said it!

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  10. Another funny story from you Perry. I enjoy your dialogue and playful references. I too remember these movies (and have to avoid ice cream last at night!)... and like you, was a terrified fan of the Frankenstein/Dracula/Wolf Man cycle.

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  11. Yep, ice cream will have my esophagus practically climbing out of my chest if I have it at night. I used to watch the old Universal horror pictures on Saturday late night and think it was the coolest thing going. Also love Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein, now recognized as a classic by many serious critics. Thanks, Dawn!

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  12. I love old monster movies, but who has time to watch them?

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    1. When you reach my age, you have time to make them!

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  13. Good story Perry! For me, the scariest thing I ever saw was The Wizard of Oz when I was under 10 years old. The flying monkeys creeped me out and to this day - I really don't like flying monkeys - what? You mean there is no such thing as a flying monkey? But, I saw it on TV myself! Well, you know that feeling- like something is watching you! Great tale!

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    1. You don't like Flying Monkeys? You're scared of Flying Monkeys?
      Here, I'll give you Flying Monkeys! (If ya want)

      http://www.perryblock.com/2010/11/flying-monkeys-in-mist.html

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  14. Perry, the above is from me, Nan Falkner. For some reason, I can't publish on Word Press for comments any more and I don't know why? Oh well, good story! Nan :)

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    1. Thanks, Nan! The heck with Wordpress! (Actually I hear it's much better than Blogger.)

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  15. Loved this from start to finish. You had me laughing out loud, even as I read the title. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant.

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    1. I don't know about Brilliant,Brilliant, Brilliant, but Thanks! Thanks! Thanks!

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  16. Dear Perry,

    Pulling the hook out of my cheek as I followed your blood sucking zombies from Cleveland link.

    Funny how what scared the bejeebers out of us as kids is now just plain funny. Funny stuff as always, Perry.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Well, I don't know, it's tough going through life without bejeebers, especially after a couple of drinks. But thanks, Rochelle!

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  17. The 'AAAAAAHHHHHHH' I am hoping is in appreciation of the monster's beauty :)

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    1. Yes, that's why I faded out. There was a human to monster romantic scene that's a little rough for general audiences.

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  18. Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman with Large Breasts hahaha think i saw that one when i was a kid but as a music video. Pamela Anderson was a giant and she ate the band.

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    1. I don't know if you're joking or not but I definitely want to see that movie! For the great unwashed, there actually was a 50's movie called "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman" (no breasts) and it was quality entertainment exactly to the same degree as it sounds.

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  19. Very impressive! I never would've drawn a monster story from this prompt, but now that I look at the photo a few more times I can definitely see the tentacles of some monstrous creature! I could really go for some ice cream right now. :)

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    1. As long as it's well before bed time.

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  20. Always a great opportunity for a laugh.. kind of sad since they are being consumed by a monster this time...

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  21. It'll probably spit them out. They have many more schlock movies to make.

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  22. And let's not forget the cheesy stuff on Star Trek...The original . But what was great about Star Trek and the low budget horror movies was that you could do just as well with stuff you found in your mom's closet when you wanted to play _The Blob_ or whatever. Thanks for the reminder of all those great movies...and the reminder to avoid ice cream after midnight.

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    1. I agree that the original Star Trek often has a cheap look (because it was) and many of the plots seem elemental compared to Next Generation and the others. Funny, though, most people didn't seem to think I needed much costuming to play the blob. Thanks for writing and remember, watch the cherry vanilla after 9:00!

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  23. We weren't allowed to watch TV when I was a child (now I don't think I missed much) so didn't see all those old black and white monster movies. BUT! my husband is addicted to them so all the empty spots of my childhood have now been filled up by Godzilla and Creature from the Black Lagoon. Those films are delightful in their cheeziness. This is a wonderful tale. Thanks, Perry

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    1. Thank you! Glad to add to the cheesiness of your life.

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  24. Ha!ha!This is too funny Perry,loved it and though I never saw those movies I definitely was a huge fan of Dracula which we used to get to see in India too:-)

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    1. Glad you liked. Maybe I'll attempt an Indian monster picture next!

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