Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Knave of Scones



So certain was the network that its upcoming series Knave of Scones would be a ratings blockbuster that no expense was spared in bringing it to the small screen.

Five of the world's foremost medievalists were hired as special consultants, including Sir Ramsay Corningwall of Oxford University.  A full-sized Norman cathedral was built to conform in every detail with precise specifications established by Sir Ramsay. Casting directors took excruciating pains to ensure that only the finest actors who could speak in appropriate accent, tone,  and cadence were cast in even the most minor roles.

Knave of Scones premiered  on September 12, 2013 and was cancelled the next day. 

Somebody had forgotten to tell the producer it took place in Omaha, Nebraska.

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Okay, so Knave of Scones turned out to be a show about a guy who bakes lousy pastries in the Midwest.  That doesn't mean it wasn't funny!  Anyway, it represents my 123 word story based on the prompt above for this week's Friday Fictioneers.

More takes on the very same prompt from the other Friday Fictioneers are available by clicking here. Some will no doubt transport you back to the days of twelfth century cathedrals and castles and knights and lords and ... or at least back to the days of TV shows that don't get axed after just one episode!

Say, why don't we remake Knave of Scones with Kevin James and a laugh track?  

40 comments:

bridgesareforburning said...

Hi Sir Perry,
Surprised it failed. Game of Scones is a big hit. Scone With the Wind is a classic. Winter's Scone was nominated for an Oscar. Bridgette Scone's diary was very funny. And Black Snake Scone was really sexy. Ron

highfiveandraspberries said...

yummy I love scones..had a good laugh..thank-you

greenwalledtower said...

I don't know. Fox might pick it up if you retooled it a bit. Maybe as Scone Wars!

kindredspirit23 said...

You, Sir, have a strange wit about you - I love it how we are the same there!
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/08/21/friday-fictioneers-ff-dispelling-the-evening-rated-r-8222013-horrorsuspense/

Sandra Crook said...

Just a minor detail - a re-write will sort that out... Nice one Perry.

theeclecticeccentricshopaholic said...

lol :) but i'd watch anything that features scones!

Douglas MacIlroy said...

Dear Perry,

Omaha (comma) Nebraska. But I don't think it would have saved the series. Scott is right.

Aloha,

Doug

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Perry,

Who would guess there are Norman castles in Omaha? A scone-dal in the making. LOL

shalom,

Rochelle

Hannah said...

Now I want a scone...I would definitely have watched Knave of Scones! Great story--your mastery of humor never fails to impress.

helenahannbasquiat said...

I've been through Omaha. There's nothing there that I would want to watch for longer than ten minutes.
You are quite the satirist, darling.

elmowrites said...

Someone's going to need to do some SERIOUS rewriting of history to pull that one off, Perry!
If you don't mind a little ponder from this old Brit, I wonder if it would have packed more punch to use a place name more apparently English - Cambridge, Mass or Exeter, CA, for example. There's a whole list here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_places_in_the_United_States_named_after_places_in_England
Just a thought!

Linda Palund said...

God, I hate reality shows, so I am very glad that the Knave of Scones was cancelled so quickly. Fun little tale, Perry!

jwdwrites said...

I heard they were making a sequal called 'Rise of the Scones' but someone opened the oven door and it was cancelled. :)

Perry Block said...

I guess it was just one scone too many, although I understand SNL is thinking of bringing back "The Sconeheads." Thanks for your funny comment, Ron!

Perry Block said...

And here's some tea to top it off! Thanks.

Perry Block said...

And Fox News might pick it up if we retooled it as "Obama Responsible for Failed Scone Wars!"

Perry Block said...

Thank you, kind sir. Now let's find us a couple of fair maidens!

Perry Block said...

Right, and we can use the castle as a theme park somewhere outside of Omaha. Thanks!

Perry Block said...

Wow, you're a television programmmer's dream!

Perry Block said...

Well, maybe this is another Omaha Nebraska that existed in medieval England?
Nah, I screwed up. I'll fix it.

Perry Block said...

A scone-dal not to look a-sconce at! Nah, didn't really work.

Patrick Prinsloo said...

Totally unlikely. In fact, absurd. But very funny, anyhow.

Lewis Cave said...

The whole thing blew my mind; I spent six months learning that accent and only got one night to see my face on that small screen. Ha, great story

Russell said...

I know a knave who lives in Omaha. In fact, he is coming to Arkansas next week. I'll ask him to bring us some scones.

Perry Block said...

Thank you, but I'm afraid for most people it never fails to depress.

Perry Block said...

I didn't mean to offend anyone from Omaha, I just wanted to use a location that was as far away from medieval Europe as you can get. Actually I was hoping you and I could retire there, darling!

Perry Block said...

I actually did think about that, but I opted for something that sounded so middle America it was unmistakably wrong for a medieval church. But I can't wait to follow up on those locations, and maybe scout them for future stories!

Perry Block said...

Don't relax yet. "The Bachelor meets the Knave of Scones" is coming up next week.

Perry Block said...

Ha! I like that. At least the only cost they had to cover was the oven and the baking dish.

Perry Block said...

Not so unlikely considering Ben Afflect was all signed up to play King Bruce of Scones!

Perry Block said...

And people said your face was the best part of the whole show!

Perry Block said...

And then make sure and tell him he's fired!

lingeringvisions said...

Groan.... ;)

Björn said...

Was that a cathedral?, I could have sworn it was a bakery...

pattisjarrett said...

All this talk about scones is making me hungry. They could have surrounded it with a cornfield, right? Pesky ratings, all that hard work for nothing.

Shirley said...

That was cute. I didn't know there were castles anywhere in the US. I guess I don't get out much.

Perry Block said...

I agree ... :(

Perry Block said...

You're right, it is a bakery. They bake Canter-bury muffins! (Boy, no wonder I'm not popular...)

Perry Block said...

And personally I loved the show, though the cathedral was miscast.

Perry Block said...

Sure there are! Just come to Omaha Nebraska. Thanks, Shirley.