The Greatest Hits of Mitt Romney

For almost two years, he was a part of our lives.
Now he's gone...

Don't forget him the way he's forgotten you! 

Especially if you're one of the 47%.

Now, for the first time 
from 

BOOKS
comes

The Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute

Greatest Hits of Mitt Romney

  You get these great Mitt classics:

Whatever It Is, I'm Against It 
With Groucho Marx' classic song playing throughout, Mitt explains
how he manages to be against everything and for nothing ... with hilarious results!

You're No Ronald Reagan 
Co-starring Newt Gingrich, two feisty GOP candidates scramble all over each other to prove who's more like Ronald Reagan until the Great Communicator himself has to intervene from the Great Beyond to settle the score!

Super Mitt, Olympics Savior!
Mitt dons his red cape to save the Olympics and bend steel in his bare hands --- a hapless steel company Bain Investments buys and dismantles, that is!

Plus the Crowd-Pleasing Favorite

The Openly Gray/Bi-Positional Candidate
Mitt comes out of the closet as openly gray and bi-positional, always taking both sides of every issue. But even though he's openly gray, he's hardly the first ever bi-positional candidate!

And there's even more!
You get absolutely free these 
GOP Based Classics: 

The Impossible Dream 
Dick Cheney has long harbored an Impossible Dream; 
 now at long last he's going to become the true Dick he's always longed to be!

Fat Chance
He may be the rising star of the Republican Party but it's his rising moon that's the problem.  Here's the skinny on Governor Christie! 

An Open Letter to the Non-Millionaires of America
The GOP begins its outreach to a class of voters it's never reached out to before.
 No argyle sweater?  We'll wait while you buy one!


You couldn't find these posts individually
 without subjecting yourself for minutes at a time 
to Perry's lame website, but now 
Time-Life Books has compiled them all for you! 

The Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute

Greatest Hits of Mitt Romney
is

only $39.95! 

But wait!
If you call in the next ten minutes,
 Paul Ryan will
  slash the price to 
only $29.95! 

And there's even more!
Act in the next ten minutes and you also get this
 Barack Obama Classic
 absolutely free!

That President!
Though conservative pundits may call him "this President," the rest of the world loves the cute, spunky, totally adorable head of state known as "That President!" 

This offer is not available in any store.
And if it were, it would be in a bin in the back
 for about a quarter or something.

 New 
from

BOOKS

Remember when we used to be considered prestigious?

Call 1 800 BYE MITT.  Operators are standing by.  Visa and MasterCard accepted. Void where prohibited by law which ought to be everywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Impossible Dream

 "My Boy Bill, I will see that he's named ...."
 

He’s explained it all at last.  And who'd ever have guessed?

In an interview appearing in this week’s Newsweek/Parade/High Times Magazine, Former Vice–President Dick Cheney has finally explained the reason for his trademark obnoxious and offensive manner which has rendered him the last person on earth you'd ever want to hang with unless you have a full-blown death wish and hope to be accidentally shot.

“It’s my love of Broadway musical theatre,” Mr. Cheney revealed in the interview. “I always longed to be a song and dance man but my parents said I should do something practical, that I didn’t have the looks for show business. I told them Jason Alexander doesn’t have the right looks either and he sings and dances, but they told me that was years ago, he's so typecast as George Costanza now he can't even get a Rolled Gold Pretzel deal anymore!'”

“So I entered politics,” said Cheney,” but it was torturous for me to sit in meetings discussing NATO alliances and Middle Eastern oil rights when all I could hear over and over in my head was  'My Boy Bill, I will see that he’s named after me .... I will!' ”

"Wait a minute!  Could it be?  What if he ...."

"As Vice-President, I knew we had to invade Iraq the moment I learned Sadam Hussein had made it mandatory that all Iraqis attend at least one performance of Momma Mia!   A brutal monster like that had to be destroyed!"

“The conflicts I had with Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice all stemmed from the horrible things they said about my favorite musical,  Avenue Q,  and the song  It Sucks to Be Me.  Their comments even made several of the puppets in the show cry,” said Mr. Cheney, his voice choked with emotion.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been out of sorts at times,” said Mr. Cheney “but I’m going to be a sweetheart from now on.  You see, I’m finally following my dream and next week I open on Broadway in the revival of Paint Your Wagon! I hope Condi and Colin will come to the opening as my guests, because I’m singing the show stopper They Call the Wind Mariah!  

And I’ll be singing it, America,  just for YOU!

HIT IT, MAESTRO!

Oh way out West, they got a name

For rain and wind and fire,

The rain is Tess, the fire's  Joe

And they call the Wind  ....

MARIAH!!!

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