President Donald J. Trump today fired Special Counsel Robert Mueller, the man charged with leading the investigation into the possible collusion of Trump and members of his administration with Russia.
The reason for the termination: Poor Performance.
"It has long been my practice," said Mr. Trump "to require every manager in my employ – whether in the Trump organization or the White House - to complete a comprehensive performance evaluation for each and every employee they manage on an annual basis. I am no exception.”
“Mr. Mueller was appointed to his position in June 2017,” added Mr. Trump, “and I decided to begin work on his performance evaluation several months in advance to make certain I took all relevant factors into consideration in order to complete his evaluation fully and fairly, as I always do."
The result, however, was not as President Trump had hoped.
“Mr. Mueller's review was a total disaster!” Mr. Trump exclaimed. “It was terrible in a way no one has ever seen before! I think these ratings are a disgrace:
- Possesses Hands Smaller than President of the United States - Below Expectations
- Takes Illegal Direction from Narcissists - Below Expectations,
- Stays in Lobbyist’s Home for $50 a night – Below Expectations
- Confirms Fake Dossier is Bogus, Especially Part About Peeing in the Bed - Below Expectations."
"By contrast, here is an amazing performance evaluation belonging to Ben Carson, the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, who is doing an amazing job.
- Broadly Criticizes Mission of Department He or She Heads - Exceeds Expectations
- Exercises Outstanding Judgment in Home Decor - Exceeds Expectations
- Often Stays Awake in Meetings - Exceeds Expectations
“It is my solemn duty to drain the swamp that was left to me by incompetent Obama who employed only fellow Kenyans, Mexicans, and Rosie O’Donnell. I had no choice but to terminate Special Counsel Mueller’s services."
"I notified him by tweet today.”
President Trump conceded that Mr. Mueller had performed well in one category on his performance evaluation. On the category ‘Aggressively Pursues Investigation into Trump's Shameless Collusion with Putin’ he did achieve an Exceeds Expectations.
"But one good rating,” noted Mr. Trump “just can't counterbalance all the other poor ones."
If you gave this post an Exceeds All Expectations and Then Some!, I hope you rise in your organization so you can one day afford a big beautiful mansion in Connecticut. If you gave it a Sucks Big-time I hope you wind up in somebody's basement. Anybody's basement.
But not mine.
But not mine.