Wednesday, July 16, 2014

One, Two, Three!


"Why do you have a goat in your living room, Frank?"

"Well, you know how many archived files I have from over the years.  I didn't want to lug em' out to the curb and try to find somebody to take them."

"So?"

"I got me Old Tessie here.  She'll eat all the file boxes one, two, three! and then I'll sell her to the zoo."

"I see.  But, Frank, I think maybe ...."

"Maybe what?  It's a brilliant idea!  Get rid all the old stuff one, two, three!" 

"Sure.  But, Frank...."

"But Frank, what?! "

"But, Frank, not only is your carpet full of one and two!, but  I think old Tessie three! is anorexic!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anybody want to buy a goat cheap?  She's on special this week. 

Old Tessie was the subject of my weekly submission to the Friday Fictioneers but now fortunately she's enrolled in an Eating Disorders Clinic and doing quite well, except she can't keep down tin cans as yet.   Click here to see what the other Fictioneers  wrote about Old Tessie, although I doubt they named her Old Tessie or even bothered to clean up after her.

One, two, three!, I'm gone!

37 comments:

  1. Carpets full of One, Two are the worst!!! Very fun, Perry.

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    1. True, but add you foot to the mix and that's even worse, Alicia!

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  2. I don't know whether to feel sorry for Frank or for Tessie!

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    1. Feel sorry for me, Jan, that my humor writing is down to the level where I have to reach for poop jokes to get laughs!l

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  3. left with one and two among one two and three!
    Sure thing - good choice indeed !

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    1. When when it comes to choosing between poop, peep, and barf ....

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  4. I felt sorry for both but that was hilarious!

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    1. Thank you very much. Let's laugh together while we clean this the hell up!

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  5. Dear Perry,

    Looks like old Tessie has left a paper trail. Anorexic goat? Food for thought.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Those are the funniest lines yet, Rochelle!

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  6. Dear Perry,

    This story shows why God made the delete key. You don't need a goat, you old goat.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Some people think the delete key would be most appropriate for all of my work!

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  7. As always, Perry, I love reading your stories. this one made me laugh soooo hard, I almost had a number 1 & 2.

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    1. I'm never gonna have you over to eat my file boxes!

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  8. Perry, you are so funny! I love your story and I love the comments from everyone too! I laughed all the way to the facilities! Nan :)

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    1. Thank you, I love the comments from everyone too. Now take your husband with you please and head for those facilities ASAP!

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  9. Haha. Goat-mess all over the carpet? Not a nice thought.

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    1. Really? You don't like the thought, check out the smell!

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  10. Perry,
    I always enjoy the humour you bring to the Friday Fictioneers prompts. Your flash this week is lighthearted and unique. As for Tessie's reticence to eat tin cans, in my experience her meat won't be as tender and juicy if you feed her that crap anyway. ;-)

    Cheers!
    Marie Gail

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    1. Tender and juicy meat! Like cannablism is lighthearted and unique?!!

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  11. I knew a girl named Two-Ton Tessie. She would eat anything and everything. I took her to a buffet once and they had to shut down the restuarant - ran out of food in 30 minutes. Later that summer, she moved to Philadelphia. You might want to look her up, Perry. I hear she's still single.

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    1. I understand she is still single, but she has to buy two seats whenever she flies and they run out of honey roasted peanuts before she's up the stairs. That said ... LEMME AT HER!!!!

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  12. He would have been better off with the files. He might as well sell his house along with the goat. It's not worth cleaning up all the one and two.

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  13. Great story, Perry.
    Have you considered buying File-Eater Pro after you sell the goat? I hear a lot of folks have had much success with it. For $359.95, I can send you a CD.
    Randy

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    1. For that kinda money, Randy, I'll keep the goat and clean up the 1, 2, and 3.

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  14. Would you like to borrow the pooper-scooper? And a year's subscription to those folks who do disaster clean-up?

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    1. Yeah, a nuclear clean-up suit sure would help!

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  15. Perry, Once again your mind has wandered where all of us fear to tread, especially since poor Old Tessie was there. :( Hilarious once again. :) The remarks are great also, and I'm waiting to revisit to read your return comments. Well done. :) ---Susan

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    1. Thanks, Susan. Go ahead and trend; it's a little squishy, but fun!

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  16. You always crack me up, Perry. As a former eating disorders therapist... I would be at a loss with Tessie. ;-)

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    1. Tessie been looking for a good therapist, Dawn. Do you do goats? Oh yeah, and Tessie looking for a strict Freudian!

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    1. You call 1, 2, and 3 all over the carpet perfect, Dawn? Boy, I'd hate to see your house!

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  18. Oh, and the smell of one, two, and three! This was delightful in a highly disgusting way. Thank as always, Perry. You always tickle my funny bone.

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    1. And thanks for being so ticklish, Amy!

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  19. Ewe! Looks like Tessie is dropping more that she could chew. Disgustingly funny.

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