"Why do you have a goat in your living room, Frank?"
"Well, you know how many archived files I have from over the years. I didn't want to lug em' out to the curb and try to find somebody to take them."
"So?"
"I got me Old Tessie here. She'll eat all the file boxes one, two, three! and then I'll sell her to the zoo."
"I see. But, Frank, I think maybe ...."
"Maybe what? It's a brilliant idea! Get rid all the old stuff one, two, three!"
"Sure. But, Frank...."
"But Frank, what?! "
"But, Frank, not only is your carpet full of one and two!, but I think old Tessie three! is anorexic!"
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Anybody want to buy a goat cheap? She's on special this week.
Old Tessie was the subject of my weekly submission to the Friday Fictioneers but now fortunately she's enrolled in an Eating Disorders Clinic and doing quite well, except she can't keep down tin cans as yet. Click here to see what the other Fictioneers wrote about Old Tessie, although I doubt they named her Old Tessie or even bothered to clean up after her.
One, two, three!, I'm gone!
"It's the best fertilizer in all England, and we're proud it's produced right here in Lloyd's Crossing!"
"You should be, Mr. Watkins! We wouldn't purchase any other for our string of nurseries. What's your secret?"
"It's a bit unusual, Mr. Soames. Every day all the townsfolk in Lloyd's Crossing are required to scrape up and carefully collect everything they've dumped out of their ..."
"What?"
"As I was saying, every man, woman, and child must take their dumpings and store them, usually in a box kept in their bedrooms."
"But that can't be!"
"Why not? And at the end of the week, the family lumps it all together, wraps it in a big package often with a pretty bow, and walks it over to the company."
"Think I'm gonna be sick ...."
"Why?"
"You ... you ... collect all your shit to make fertilizer?!!"
"No, spare change we dump out of our pockets. To buy supplies."
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I hope you won't poo poo my little tale this week for the Friday Fictioneers. I've tried very hard not to make it stink.
If you do think it smells a bit, however, please feel free to click on this highly sanitized link for the other Friday Fictioneers, who may greet you with blood, mayhem, and gore, but hopefully very little BM. Or Number 2. Or doo-doo. Or whatever other discrete and more socially acceptable term you prefer to call it.
Hope your week ahead isn't a shitty one! Bye.
