Wednesday, January 29, 2014

No Smoking Allowed



First thing I noticed when I visited Johnny's workshop was the sign:

No Smoking in Workshop

Since I was just about to light up,  I asked Johnny "why?"

"Oh my God, Perry!" he practically shouted. "Never ever, ever smoke here!"

"But why?" I asked again.  "Is there a big risk of explosion?"

"No,  there's no safety hazard."

With that, I lit up and took a long drag on my cigarette.

"NO, NO, NO, PERRY!" screamed Claude, "BY ALL THAT'S HOLY, NO!!!!"


"But why if nothing is unsafe?" I asked once more.


"
That sign's for you, Perry," he answered.  "I know how absent-minded you are.  You don't smoke."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, this week I've penned a "message piece" for my Friday Fictioneers offering in response to the picture prompt above, which has come in at a neat and tidy 107 words. And the message is "No Smoking in Workshop or Anywhere Else."  

This isn't my first piece about smoking; click here if perchance you'd like to read "Mind Very Much If She Smokes."  Also don't forget to check out the smoking hot offerings of all the other Friday Fictioneers, absent-minded and otherwise, by clicking here. 

They'll light up your life, but not your cigarettes.

44 comments:

janet said...

I sort of thought the best way to get you to do something was to tell you no. Now I know I'm right. So do NOT send me $1,000 immediately (or after you're done smoking.)

janet

Perry Block said...

Will that be large bills or small?
Oh, and cigars, cigarettes, tiparillos? (You may not be old enough to remember.)

Glynn said...

Holy smoke!

Perry Block said...

Hokey Smoke, Bullwinkle! Boy you are dating yourself!

Thanks for commenting, Glynn.

silentlyheardonce said...

Funny. He forgot he doesn't smoke. Creative.

Perry Block said...

Thank you. I didn't mean to be blowing smoke at you!

Sandra Crook said...

Clever stuff Perry, and funny too!

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Sandra. But it's very carcinogenic too.

Björn said...

Great one... I guess a non-smoking sign is a good reminder to light up.

lizy-expat-writer said...

Um - if he doesn't smoke why is he carrying cigarettes and a lighter? Just asking :)

Russell said...

I had heard that people your age needed constant reminders. I see you're still trying to offer ladies tiparillos. I hadn't even thought about smoking until I saw that sign.

Perry Block said...

Best there is! Here have one of my Camels ...

Perry Block said...

Because he's that absent-minded. He also carries around a bong and he hasn't smoked marijuana in 35 years!

Perry Block said...

Are you thinking about it now? Well, then I'll show you my Lark pack if you'll show me yours!

helenahannbasquiat said...

Didn't Steve Martin have a great bit about "mind if I smoke?"
It's been too long, darling! How've you been?
I’m not writing this week, but I’d love it if you’d drop by my blog for a second anyway, I posted a big announcement today

Perry Block said...

I've been meaning to drop by to eat your pussy in a long time. (Don't be shocked folks; you have to read her blog.) I'll come soon. (Ooops! That time it WAS me!)

Adam Ickes said...

I was going to give you the best comment you've ever gotten, but after reading you reply to Helena I'm too busy laughing to remember what my original comment was, so instead I'll just say this.

Mine had a message this week too: Don't steal Leon's money.

kindredspirit23 said...

That was a "laugh out loud" (and I seldom do that) story!!!
Thanks, felt good.

Perry Block said...

I would never do that to Leon, but oh boy, what I'd like to do to Helena!

Anyway I still want my best comment ever. Helena and I will share it together.

Perry Block said...

Glad to be of service. Now let's share a good cigar together!

nanclairefalkner said...

How funny - you're a hoot. Good read! Nan

Perry Block said...

Thank you, Nan. That makes me a hoot and a good read, and everybody gets two for the price of one!

janet said...

I remember "The Avengers","Johnny Angel" and seeing the Beatles on a really big, big shew, so take that as a clue. My big b'day is coming up in March. Beware of the Ides of March! (But I've never heard what you said.)

janet

Perry Block said...

Here's another really big shew right now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDGzd2HcEpo.
This was one of many.

thebumblefiles said...

Funny stuff as always, Perry!

Perry Block said...

Thank you, Amy. Cigarette?

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Perry,

Written by a true Dutch Master. Ernie Kovacs would applaud as do I.

Shalom,

Rochelle

Perry Block said...

Well, then, step up to a Dutch Master, and Smile, Brother, Smile!

Patrick Prinsloo said...

Great piece of tongue in cheek. Brings a smile...

Perry Block said...

Thank you. Just don't stick a red-hot stogie in the middle of that smile!

Atreyee said...

Oh my,you even forgot to cough!Ah,you must be the absent -minded Professor I have heard so much about :D Loved your take Perry,still giggling ;-)

Perry Block said...

My take on what? That's how absent-minded I am!

lingeringvisions said...

I hate it when I forget I don’t smoke. ;)

Samriddhi Mukherjee said...

How cool is that! I wonder what other things you must've done in your absent-minded mode :D

greenwalledtower said...

Now that's an absentminded man. I'm glad the sign was there. Hopefully he doesn't need any "Please Breathe" signs.

Dawn Q. said...

Witty and funny... and my, aren't you contrary! if we want you to do something, tell you not to! I'll keep that in mind. ;-)

Russell said...

I used to smoke Old Gold filters, then it was Acapulco Gold (which gave me the munchies), and eventually a pipe. I tried to duplicate the Hugh Hefner look with the smoking jacket, but it never caught on in Arkansas.

Perry Block said...

Carry one with me at all times!

Perry Block said...

That's why I keep telling all of you "don't read my stuff, don't read my stuff ...."

Perry Block said...

Absent-minded mode? What are you talking about? Who are you?

Perry Block said...

Boy, you are really absent-minded. You smoke like a furnace!

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