Thursday, December 19, 2013

Dolphins Swimming Before My Eyes



"That's pretty!" said Farbman, who'd just stopped by my shop. "What is it?"

"Oh, it's for my biggest and best customer. He's coming by in a minute."

"But you're not an artist, you make contact lenses."

"Yes, as I said, it's for my .... here he is!  Hi, Goliath!"

I thought Farbman was going to pass out.

"Ho, Mr. Block!  Are my new contacts ready?"

"Sure are. Hope you have better luck with these."

Goliath popped in the two new contact lenses, blinked, and roared!


"No good!  I still see dolphins, dolphins swimming before my eyes!"

"Pity.  As I told you, Goliath, you've got hallucinations, has nothing to do with the contacts. But, want me to try again?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, I'll need another $8,000 to start." 

"Like I said," I whispered to Farbman, "he's my biggest and best customer!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, I'm not really an optometrist. It's just that this business opportunity came my way and even with only one client, it's a fortune!  Or at least it is in my entry for this week in the Friday Fictioneers Extravaganza based on the picture prompt above.

Is it art or is it contact lenses? What's Flipper got to do with it?  Will I ever again bring in a story at 100 words or less? These and many other questions will not be answered when you check out the work of the other Fictioneers for the week by clicking right here.

"Fee Fi Fo Fum, Goliath's caught on to the Jewish one!?"  Ulp!  Being pounded into guacamole dip is not on my "to do" list for today.  See you next week! 

27 comments:

Sandra Crook said...

Fishy optometrist, gullible giant. All the stuff of legends. :)

karengwhitelaw said...

What a fabulous imagination you have, Perry! Love it!

theeclecticeccentricshopaholic said...

haha you're nuts. happy holiday, gramps. great story :)

adamickes said...

Good one, gramps! I hope Farbman doesn't rat you out to Goliath. I never did trust that guy. Oh, and Happy Festivus oh great and powerful Jewish one.

Patrick Prinsloo said...

A fun story. The guy's onto a real money spinner here.

mezzojan said...

Once Goliath signs up on your PerryCare.gov website, he'll be able to get those dolphins...er...contacts for a teeny-tiny co-pay on the Platinum plan :-)

Perry Block said...

And you're saying I'm not?

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Karen, but that story was completely true. Oh, except I used mackerel instead of dolphins.

Perry Block said...

Gramps?! I ought to take you over my knee and spank you! Say, now that I think of it ...

Perry Block said...

Gramps?! No, I don't want to spank you.

Perry Block said...

Yeah, until Goliath figures it out, after which he'll spend the rest of his life as very spreadable dip.

Perry Block said...

But I've got to get that website to work. Frankly I'm making much more off the contact lens with dolphins business.

talesfromthemotherland.me said...

I always jump ahead in the cue to catch your clever, witty work... This one is so fun, and silly, but really well written. The idea of Giant contact lens is so original and great~

On a personal note, the comment about Goliath being caught up on a "Jewish one" feels a bit offensive... to this Jewish one. I know from our interactions you are not prone to insensitivity, so it threw me for a loop... unless I've misinterpreted it? Just felt compelled to say so.

Perry Block said...

I went back and checked it and it's a typo. It's supposed to be 'Fee Fi Fo Fum, I've caught on to the Jewish one," a play on "smell the blood of an Englishman." I've just fixed it, does it look better now?

adamickes said...

Please don't. Let's agree to never speak of this again...

hersantosha said...

This has me cackling like the wicked witch of the west! Perry, you'd make a great salesman

lizy-expat-writer said...

I feel sorry for Goliath. Giants are people too.

Perry Block said...

What'll you take for that worthless broom?

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Perry,

It takes a lot of imagination to turn that sun catcher into a contact lens. Imagination you got. Fee Fi Fo Fiddle Diddle Dum... if I were a biddi biddi bum yidel deedle didle didle giant. Oy. Good one.

Shalom,

Rochelle

thebumblefiles said...

Perry, I don't care that you went over, WAY OVER...ha ha. I loved every word. I could never dream this up!

Perry Block said...

Don't feel so bad. I'm giving him a steep discount on the price, each and every time.

Perry Block said...

Imagination I got. Money and fame I don't got. Well, one got out of three gots ain't bad.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Amy, but I've been monitoring your dreams and I stole it from you. Good thing you don't remember!

Glynis Rankin said...

LOL!!! Now that is just wrong!!! Funny but wrong!

annisik51 said...

I'm from Northumberland, the northernmost county in England, on the Scottish border, and I've thought for a long time that the sense of humour of people of my region is very like Jewish humour! Therefore, (not in the mathematical sense) I find your tale - as usual - hilarious. (On a serious note: I wonder if it's to do with suffering?) Don't ponder that, it's Christmas (ooh, sorry I mean it's Yuletide/Winter Solstice. I'd say Hanukkah, but it seems to wander around the calendar a lot, (in the mathematical sense). May you have such a good season that you don't remember it afterwards, when you wake up in the hospital ward. :)

pattisjarrett said...

Who's counting? That was quite an interesting take on the prompt. I would think Goliath might like a nice seascape taking shape before his very eyes. Maybe that stone to the forehead did some damage?

lingeringvisions said...

If that Giant ever realizes he is just crazy, well…..take the money and run (this way)!