Monday, December 23, 2013

A Baby Boomer Deals with Spam



Of late I've been receiving tons and mega-tons of comments on my blog.  Some days I can get as many as 20 or more comments directed to different posts on the blog, some old, some new, but all of them mine!

No, I'm not becoming popular. My blog Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is still about as popular as a bad case of acne at a high school dance. The comments I'm receiving are all:

Perhaps you too are getting more spam comments these days. Anymore they roll into my e-mail inbox like storm clouds rolling into the sky on your day off at the beach. Often half my e-mails on a given day are from Anonymous, and it sure as hell isn't that I have a secret admirer.

Typically a message from Anonymous will arrive stating that Anonymous has posted a new comment on one of my posts, say, Rhinoceros Impoceros. And I think "a new comment?" There were never any old comments!

Clicking on the e-mail I get messages like this:

1) Incredible points. Outstanding aгguments. Keeρ up the great work.  Now look at my website http://www.sellyourpenisforcash.com

2) Hello! it's truly pleasant for me to pay a visit this website, it consists of important Information. Check out my website: http://Imhenerytheeighthiamhenerytheeighthiamiam  

3) ピックアップ これらのモンクレール ジャケット 
であなた 子供 明らかにすぐに 彼を守るのでは
My web site http://teethteethandmoreteeth.com

What is all this spam? What does it seek to accomplish?  Are they Trojan Horses, worms, cookies, cake, milk? Do they really expect me to click their proffered websites?  If that's the case, they better kiss my ass a lot better than handing me that general bullshit about how great my blog is when if they knew anything my blog they'd know it's the internet's answer to The Wreck of the Hesperus.

Fortunately the spam doesn't go through to the blog itself.  Blogger - which tends to lag behind WordPress in terms of development the same way an ox cart lags behind a Maserati - has apparently found a way to block the spam so it cannot breach the blog.  I've no doubt that WordPress developed and deployed such technology years ago, probably around the time it implemented 24 hour concierge service for subscribers.

But my in-box remains a breeding ground for guys named Anonymous.   I feel like I'm sponsoring the annual national convention for the United Perverts of America. 
So how do I get rid of all the spam in my in-box?

I assume of course WordPress probably developed a fix long ago, but if I wait for Blogger to come up with something similar,  Duck Dynasty, the Musical will have multiple touring companies throughout the United States before I lose even one Anonymous from my in-box.

So, do I need to change my metatags?  Or is that my metacarpals?  The whole thing seems metaphysical to me.  Damn it, I'm not technical!  I was born in 1950; technical for me is knowing how to operate a Pez Dispenser.  Probably I need to adjust my html.  The last time I had my html checked  it was a tad low, and I've been taking vitamins ever since.

The only hope, I think,  is some kind of mystical approach.  A chant.  A mantra, an invocation to banish the spam forever. But how am I ever going to find the right one?

I've got it.

SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, LOVELY SPAM,               WONDERFUL SPAM!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

We are legion... we are anonymous. I can get you some knockoff viagra for just a dollar a pill if you're interested....

Regards,
Phillip J. VanderMcDoogalkinz...er, I mean Anonymous

Perry Block said...

OMG! At first I thought you were the great Art Vandelay! With a price like that for blessed viagra, this is hardly spam ...

Anonymous said...

Truth be told, it's just sugar pills at an enormous upcharge. Our business relies heavily on the placebo effect.

Roz Warren said...

Want a smaller penis that doesn't work very well? We can do that for you.
Sincerely, Bizarro World Spam

Perry Block said...

Truth be told, my dates rely on the same thing.

Perry Block said...

Thank you very much, but I can do that for me too.

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