Saturday, June 16, 2012

How Low the Mighty Pre-Tweeters have Fallen!

Lord, I'm worried about the Beaver!

These days Jerry Mathers a/k/a Beaver Cleaver, whom millions of Baby Boomers grew up with in the late 50's and early 60's, holds forth on Twitter under the Twitter handle @TheJerryMathers.  

But holding forth I'm afraid is about all that he holds. 

@TheJerryMathers has 2,371 followers. 

It's true that the 60+ year old Jerry Mathers, with a face like a bas relief map of South America, is hardly handsome.  But that same face sat at the dinner table for six full TV seasons with Ward, June, and Wally, and by extension also with me.

What would explain such an iconic figure having such a low number of followers? 

Has @Eddie_NiceDressMrsCleaver found a way to siphon all the others off? Is @PerezHilton falsely tweeting that @TheJerryMathers was infected with a fatal computer virus in Vietnam?   Or is it just the singular sad fate bound to befall those fallen celebrities whose salad days were back in the day when the only people who tweeted were in the fife and bugle corps?

How Low the Mighty Pre-Tweeters have Fallen!

Chevy Chase                  

@Chevy _ Once Chased

I'm Chevy Chase and You're Not.  Umm, wanna switch?  No? DAMN! (#Team Followback)

  • 169,895 TWEETS
  • 58,453 Following


Did you know @NotTheRealBillMurray follows me? #taughthimeverythingheknows

Hey: Let's start a Facebook Campaign for me to host  Saturday Night Live! 

What happens in Vegas stays there.  Apparently after I made Vegas Vacationthat's what happened to my career! 

In Maryland, you say?  Named after me, you say? 

Anthony Michael Hall took my call today!  #Greatdayin the morning! 


Ms. Pac Man                 


I'll eat you for a quarter!

  • 75,345 TWEETS
  • 23,087 Following


How do I stay so beautiful and young looking? Easy!  I eat the brains and suck the blood of Blinky, Pinky, Inky, Sue!

Sure miss the days of the good old Joystick! 

Used to be thousands of unpopular guys in singles bars with their hands all over me all night long each and every Friday & Saturday night!  Oh, for the 1980s! 

Madden?  Madden?  You don't need no stinkin' Madden! 

Now I know how Pong must have felt!


Dennis Miller                


I used to be funny and cute.  At least I'm still narcissistic.
763,888 TWEETS
  • 1,884,453 Following

 I sensed a need for a witty & intelligent comedian who expresses a Right of Center political viewpoint. Until one comes along,  a hack like me will have to do!

 Alleged comedic lines overburdened with half-baked,  unclear,  &  no longer relevant pop culture references.  That's me! 

 It was like a Game of Thrones vibe w/a Sandra  Bernhardt rump roast as if Barney Frank & Nancy Pelosi had copulated on Coldplay's rye toast.  That's funny, huh?

@RogerAiles @RupertMurdoch  Love, look at the three of us ....

Obama rama bama MAMA!  That's funny, huh?


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