The "Kardashian Kard."
"It is an outrage," Rick Perry declared late last week, "for this President to state that he doesn't 'like it' when his daughters watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians!"
What don't you like, Mr. President? Upstanding members of the American 1% making money the old-fashioned way --- through personal contacts, superficial attributes, and unmitigated hype? Or would you rather throw yourself in with the rabble 99% who work by the sweat of their brow, that is, whenever they can find any brow to sweat in?"
"And this President shows his socialist stripes," chimed in Herman Cain, "when he says his daughters are prohibited from watching television during the week unless it's for school!
Without TV blasting morning , noon, and night seven days a week, how is America's next generation going to learn the jingles and catch-phrases of American capitalism? Who's going to obnoxiously push parents to buy the sugary drinks, Krispy Kreme doughnuts, Count Chocula Cereal, and pizza, pizza, PIZZA! that fuel the engines of the American economy?
Who are you, sir? The Tiger Mom?"
"The reason this President has made these ludicrous statements about the Kardashians," Michele Bachmann tweeted, "is because he personally has no physical attraction whatsoever toward Kim Kardashian, if you know what I'm tweeting!"
I'll bet Barack Obama has never once cracked open a People or an Us Magazine with a Kim Kardashian photo spread, creased it firmly at the page with the sultriest, hottest, lowest cut photos going, and propped it strategically against a pillow --- just as every red-blooded, Jesus loving, gun toting American male from sea to shining sea has done no end of times!
I, Michele Bachmann, would never associate with a man like that, and until this President's out of office, I'm simply going to stare ahead blankly!"
Will the Kardashian Kard prove successful for the GOP? President Obama is taking no chances.
Next Thursday he welcomes Snooki to the White House for an official visit.
Word is he's working feverishly on Rosetta Stone, Jersey Shore Edition so when she arrives, he can greet her in her native tongue!