All the World’s a Stage,
by William Shakespeare
by William Shakespeare
with commentary by a Regular
Guy
From As You Like It.
(I like it. I hope you will too!)
(I like it. I hope you will too!)
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely
players."
So how come we're not all being paid scale?
"His acts being seven ages."
Seven ages? Crap,I was counting on at least eight or nine. I better hie me hither to yon bucket list ASAP!
“Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwillingly to school."
"With a woeful ballad, made to his mistress' eyebrow."
“Then a soldier, full of strange oaths and bearded likes the pard."
So how come we're not all being paid scale?
"They have their exits and their entrances."
Exits and entrances? Doors opening and closing? So life is like an English bedroom farce, like Noises Off?
Exits and entrances? Doors opening and closing? So life is like an English bedroom farce, like Noises Off?
"And one man in his time plays many parts ..."
You mean like Jerry Lewis in The Family Jewels? I had no idea you Brits loved ol' Jer as much as the French!
You mean like Jerry Lewis in The Family Jewels? I had no idea you Brits loved ol' Jer as much as the French!
"His acts being seven ages."
Seven ages? Crap,I was counting on at least eight or nine. I better hie me hither to yon bucket list ASAP!
"First the infant,
mewling & puking in the nurse's arms."
Oh,
nurse! If I were in your arms, I might
be mewling but I sure as hell wouldn't be puking!
“Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwillingly to school."
Verily, he creepeth
like snail because his doggeth ate-eth his homework!
“And then the lover, sighing like furnace ..."
Y'know, ‘sighing
like furnace’ doesn't exactly grab me as the perfect simile for winning the heart of fair
lady, unless she’s an electrical contractor. No wonder Shakespeare didn’t get
many dates!
"With a woeful ballad, made to his mistress' eyebrow."
Really? You’re singing to your mistress’ eyebrow? Your woeful ballad might
be aimed a couple of feet woefully too high, if you catch my drift.
“Then a soldier, full of strange oaths and bearded likes the pard."
Don't worry, if those oaths include four letter words or start
with the initials M and F, there’s nothing strange about ‘em at all. And hey, that's one cool beard, but you might want to trim it every now and six years.
(And I googled "pard," Shakespeare. You're not going to one up me!)
(And I googled "pard," Shakespeare. You're not going to one up me!)
“Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel …”
If you don’t mind, I'm gradual and slow in quarrel because I tend to get the shit kicked out of me otherwise. And I'm not jealous in honor although I am jealous of anyone who's got a jacuzzi.
"Seeking the bubble reputation, even in the cannon's mouth."
Un-huh. If it's all the same to you, maybe I could seek my bubble reputation by, say, winning the lottery instead of signing on to become cannon fodder?
"Last scene of all, that ends this strange eventful history ….”
You mean the epilogue? Like in a cop show? Always my favorite part!
“Is second childishness and mere oblivion."
Childishness? Gonna be great to be a kid again! And it's also great to know I’m only facing mere oblivion, not total oblivion!
If you don’t mind, I'm gradual and slow in quarrel because I tend to get the shit kicked out of me otherwise. And I'm not jealous in honor although I am jealous of anyone who's got a jacuzzi.
"Seeking the bubble reputation, even in the cannon's mouth."
Un-huh. If it's all the same to you, maybe I could seek my bubble reputation by, say, winning the lottery instead of signing on to become cannon fodder?
"And then the justice, in fair round belly with good capon lined."
Well, to tell you the truth my capon is not so good. In fact, I actually have kind of a lousy capon, but at least it is fully lined. And as for this fair round belly, I don't give a shit, I'm not giving up Coke!
Well, to tell you the truth my capon is not so good. In fact, I actually have kind of a lousy capon, but at least it is fully lined. And as for this fair round belly, I don't give a shit, I'm not giving up Coke!
“With eyes severe and beard of formal cut.”
So you got your beard trimmed, and now you look like a member of the Highway Patrol? Dude, it was just a suggestion. Hey, don't squint at me with those goddamn severe eyes!
"Full of wise saws and modern instances, and so he plays his part."
Wise saws? Modern instances? Okay, here's one: "There once was a man from Nantucket ..." Yep, got my wise saws and modern instances all covered here!
"The sixth age slips into the lean and slippered Pantaloon."
Nice trim figure, you crazy Pantaloon you. Hey, even nicer slippers! You're pretty much all set now until you get to that time of life where you're missing all your parts, six quotations down.
"With spectacles on nose and pouch on side."
Hey, what’s in that pouch? Is that what I think it is? What do you want for the pouch? Sure, you can keep the spectacles.
Well, there’s certainly a lot worse things to be shrunk than my shank!
"And his big manly voice, turning again toward childish treble, pipes and whistles in his sound."
Like Truman Capote? Maybe I'll write me a best seller!
So you got your beard trimmed, and now you look like a member of the Highway Patrol? Dude, it was just a suggestion. Hey, don't squint at me with those goddamn severe eyes!
"Full of wise saws and modern instances, and so he plays his part."
Wise saws? Modern instances? Okay, here's one: "There once was a man from Nantucket ..." Yep, got my wise saws and modern instances all covered here!
"The sixth age slips into the lean and slippered Pantaloon."
Nice trim figure, you crazy Pantaloon you. Hey, even nicer slippers! You're pretty much all set now until you get to that time of life where you're missing all your parts, six quotations down.
"With spectacles on nose and pouch on side."
Hey, what’s in that pouch? Is that what I think it is? What do you want for the pouch? Sure, you can keep the spectacles.
"His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide for his shrunk shank."
Well, there’s certainly a lot worse things to be shrunk than my shank!
"And his big manly voice, turning again toward childish treble, pipes and whistles in his sound."
Like Truman Capote? Maybe I'll write me a best seller!
"Last scene of all, that ends this strange eventful history ….”
You mean the epilogue? Like in a cop show? Always my favorite part!
“Is second childishness and mere oblivion."
Childishness? Gonna be great to be a kid again! And it's also great to know I’m only facing mere oblivion, not total oblivion!
"Sans teeth, sans eyes,
sans taste, sans everything."
Well, at least I'm certainly not sans nose!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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