Showing posts with label Bed Bath and Beyond. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bed Bath and Beyond. Show all posts

Sunday, October 22, 2017

A Bed, Bath, & Beyond Blessing

















I was on my way into the local Bed, Bath, and Beyond when I encountered a young Orthodox Jew. He was sporting a beard, yarmulke, and tzitzit, the fringe at the bottom of his prayer shawl. 

That’s the fringe at the bottom, not on the fringe on the top.      
              
“Excuse me,” he asked “are you Jewish?”

“Yes, I am. How’d you know?”

“Oh, I had that sense.”

Ah, Jewdar is a many-splendored thing!

“My name is Ari," he said. "Would you like to perform a mitzvah with me?”

“But why here?” I asked.  “Is there some special religious significance about a Bed, Bath, and Beyond?”

“It’s where the bus lets off.”

Mitzvahs are acts of kindness or reverence generally thought of as “good deeds," which may benefit individuals or the world at large. There are 613 formal mitzvahs in Judaism.

I haven't even yet performed the Top Ten. I’m way behind on my mitzvah bucket list!

“Yes, I would,” I said. “But I should tell you that I’m a Reform Jew. Frankly if we had ‘Instant Judaism,’ ‘Quick Judaism,’ or ‘Mix and Pray Judaism,’ like speeds of Cream of Wheat, I might be one of those too."

“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” he laughed. “We’re all Jews.”

I liked his attitude!

“Now what we’re going to do,” he said “is wrap tefillin and say some blessings.”

No, tefillin is not a kind of fish.

Tefillin are two small leather boxes containing Hebrew prayers attached by leather straps which very observant Jewish men wrap around their head and left arm. 

This “Mix and Pray” Jew hasn’t wrapped tefillin since his Bar Mitzvah.

I began to wonder if Ari had an ulterior motive. Was he using tefillin to tie me up to prevent my escape while he tried to sell me timeshares, futures in a matzoh ball mine, or …

OMG, what if he’s a ….

“Ari,” I said “you’re not a Jew for Jesus?”

Jews for Jesus are “Jews” who believe Jesus is the messiah even though they generally practice Jewish customs. Most of them try to convince you that without Jesus you’re headed straight for the bargain basement.

If there is anything after life, I’m sure we’re all going to the same place, although I hope I’m not sharing a room with Ivan the Terrible.

“No, I’m a Jew,” he said. “No worries.”

Ari guided me through a number of Hebrew prayers, culminating in the Shema, the central prayer of Judaism:

“Sh'ma Yis-ra-eil, A-do-nai E-lo-hei-nu, A-do-nai E-chad.”

Which - roughly translated - means:

“Hear o Israel the Lord our God, the Lord is one."

The mitzvah only took about 30 seconds to perform and then Ari unwrapped the tefillin. No ulterior motive. As Ari probably intended, I now felt more in touch with my Jewish roots. 

I also felt like I wanted to perform a mitzvah for somebody or group of persons in particular, not just for the planet.

I had a few ideas.

We took a selfie and I said goodbye and entered the store. Although a mitzvah is not necessarily supposed to provide a tangible benefit to the person performing it, my mitzvah did.

“I’m sorry, I forgot my 20% off coupon,” I said to the sales associate, as I stood in line with a food processor in hand.

“No problem, sir,” she said. “I’ll get you one!”

How about that?

Not only did I help repair the world, I wound up with a Bed, Bath, and Beyond blessing too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Monday, May 28, 2012

And What Are You Doing for the Holiday, Perry?


Well, it sure as hell ain't this!

It's getting so I just don't want to ask anymore.

"What are you doing for the holiday?" I inquire of that scattering of random people I encounter in the week leading up to Memorial Day.

~"Oh, yeah, we're going to the shore with the family.  Rented a place for a couple of days down in Longport."

~"Going to the club, of course. Take in a round of golf, the pool's open, and there's barbecue with tons of shrimp and King Crab legs."

~"Majorca again.  Wanted to stay home at our Olympic sized pool and have everyone we  know except you over, but the Duke and the Countess just insisted."

Inevitably, of course, by asking the question, I've asked for it back.  And back it comes. 

"And what are you doing for the holiday, Perry?"

"Well, umm,  think I'll take a walk if it's not too hot,  try to straighten out my Verizon bill,   then drink myself into oblivion."

I know, I know, I shouldn't lie like that. I probably won't take the walk.

Sounds like I'm whining, but that's simply not the case!  I'm not at all jealous of all the cool things that everybody else is doing on the holiday aside from how jealous I am of all the cool things that everybody else is doing on the holiday. After all, I can take a drive.  Like I did  last Memorial Day over to the nearby shopping center to pick up a few items at Bed Bath & Beyond.  

"OMG!"  I shouted aloud. "There  are fewer people in here than television shows without Betty White!"

The same proved true inside the Bed Bath & Beyond. 

"OMG!"  I said to the check-out guy, "there are fewer people in here than there are television shows without Betty White!" 

"Of course," he bellowed back. "Everybody's down the shore. I'm only here instead of Wildwood because I'm being paid double time!"

"Uhh, feel like talkin', by any chance?"

"To Betty White, maybe.  To you?  Next!  If there is a next ...."

Kind of dejected,  I went to get a bite at a nearby neighborhood restaurant I thought might be open. And as it turned out, thankfully, it was!

"Welcome to Applebees," 

said the sour-faced not-all-that-attractive young girl at the door with all the enthusiasm she couldn't muster. 

"Oh, I'm so glad you're open!"  I said, feeling joy I've not experienced since the Phillies won the World Series in 2008.    

"All alone on Memorial Day and coming to Applebee's?" the hostess whispered to a pimply-faced waiter who came up next to her. 

"This guy must be such a loser," he murmured back, "I wonder if even we should serve him." 

"I'm afraid I don't have a reservation," I said eagerly.  "I hope that's all right."

"A reservation?!!" the waiter replied.  "OMG, buddy, there are fewer people here than people who would willingly discuss politics with Ted Nugent!"

And so it went, and so it goes.  A three-day holiday is a terrible thing to waste. Maybe one of these holidays I won't waste it.

Say, what are you doing for the holiday today?   

Why don't you stop over?  I don't have an Olympic size swimming pool, but I do have me a blow-up one.  Sorry, I don't have any shrimp, but I can barbecue you a hot dog which contains trace elements of beef .   If you want, we could even drink ourselves into obliv ....

What's that?  No thanks?  You'd rather discuss politics with Ted Nugent?

That does it! 

Next year, Majorca! 

Happy Memorial Day, Everybody!

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