a) Yes, because I’m an aging Boomer and I do like Elspeth and Matlock.
b) Yes, but only to hate watch Tony Dokoupil.
c) Yes, because after all, it isthe network of Walter Cronkite, Mr. Ed, and Lassie!
d) No way! I’m only watching Colbert and when he’s gone, I’m gone!
3) What is your opinion of Jon Voight?
a) Well, the dude hasn’t aged well, that’s for sure.
b) I still like some of the older movies like Deliverance and Midnight Cowboy when he was young and good looking and not such a right-wing yutz.
c) Well, he is Angelina Jolie’s dad after all.
d) Special Envoy to Hollywood, my ass!
4) What would you like to do to Pete Hegseth?
a) I’d like to punch him in the nose.
b) I’d like to kick him in the nuts.
c) I’d like to punch him in the nose and kick him in the nuts.
d) I’d like to hide his tube of hair grease.
5) What is a proper and appropriate use for 200 billion dollars?
a) To help defray some of my therapy bills.
b) To finance the next Marvel or DC movie.
c) To prosecute a needless illegal and unconstitutional war.
d) To provide health care and child care for all Americans.
6) What’s the deal with Lindsey Graham?
a) He is so far up Trump’s ass he does pullups on Trump’s tonsils.
b) He only comes out from Trump’s ass long enough to look around to see if Trump’s still President such that if he’s not, he can say “oh, I never liked him!”
c) He tries so hard to hide the truth about himself, which is nothing to be ashamed of, when the only truth about himself he should be ashamed of is that he’s Lindsey Graham.
d) All of the above.
7) John Fetterman?
a) What happened to that guy?
b) Well, I guess you could say he’s a maverick, right?
c) Even still, I kinda dig the beard and the shorts.
d) Why would you even bring up that name to me???!!!
8)Don’t Watch Reruns of Fraser Even Though I Still Like the Show and Would Watch Them It If I Didn’t Hate Kelsy Grammar’s Politics So Damn Much.
a) I’m sorry, I’m weak.
b) But it is the best spinoff from an original series ever!
c) Still love them, sorry to say. Especially those with Eddie.
d) Agree.
9) Amazon Prime?
a) Don’t order stuff from them ever, but I do subscribe to the streaming service.
b) No ordering or streaming ever but it’s okay if I go to Whole Foods, right? I mean, where else are you gonna get decent kale?
c) God help me, I saw Melania and loved it!
d) No way, no how.
10) If you were stranded on a desert island, who would you most want to be stranded with?
a) AOC
b) Pete Buttigieg
c) Paul Krugman
d) Any Democrat would be great, but it’s a shame they’d be stuck on a desert island with the likes of me instead of out there saving our nation!
11) Howard Lutnick:
a) Looks like a Muppet.
b) Probably is a Muppet.
12) If I am physically able, I will be participating in the No Kings Rally this Saturday.
Score one point for every (d) answer except you receive an automatic one point for any answer to Numbers 4, 6, 11, and 12 as all answers to those are correct.
I know you might have thought any answer was correct to Number 10 but that is a trick question - I was looking to see if you care more about the country than about frolicking on the beach with your chosen liberal hero. For me that would have been frolicking with AOC <sigh> but unlike some of you, I am truly ideologically pure!
So, if you scored a perfect 12 you have passed. Congratulations!
Any score lower and you have failed Perry’s Liberal Ideological Purity Test. Immediately begin watching Lawrence O’Donnell every night for the next six months, take notes if you must, and then take Perry’s Liberal Ideological Purity Test again.
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