Playing Trump Like a Fiddle 201

 

Scene: First day of classes at the Havertown Conservatory of Music.

Dean Kropotkin: I welcome all new and returning students here at the Havertown Conservatory of Music. I'm Dean Graham Kropotkin.

Students: Hello, Dean Kropotkin!

Dean Kropotkin: This year we've added several new classes: Guitar, Harp, String Quartets, and Playing Trump Like a Fiddle 201.

Students applaud.

Dean Kropotkin: And we are privileged to welcome Visiting Professor Vladimir Putin, the world's leading Trump Fiddler. He has played Trump like a fiddle all around the globe — including Helsinki, Finland and most recently Anchorage, Alaska.

Professor Putin: Thank you very much, Dean Kropotkin! Here, let me pluck out a basic riff for you all:

Putin plays.

Dean Kropotkin: Beautiful! Beautiful! What does that express?

Professor Putin: “Sir, you are a genius… a stable genius.” Works every time.

Dean Kropotkin: What did you play in Helsinki that caused Trump to essentially commit treason in plain view?

Professor Putin: A little number called “Powerful in My Denial.” Like putty in my hands, he was.

Dean Kropotkin: Professor Putin, this is our top student, Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud - MBS.

MBS: It's an honor, sir. I have been studying your technique for years. May I show you?

MBS plays.

Professor Putin: Well played! That's the “Things Happen Rag.”

Dean Kropotkin: And this is a promising new student, Zohran Mamdani. 

Zohran Mamdani: I can’t wait to play my new piece for you, sir. It’s called “Just a Spoonful of Flattery Makes the Fascist Come Around.”

Professor Putin: Excellent. I will enjoy working with both of you — and the whole department. 

Dean Kropotkin: Speaking of the whole department, here comes our new chairperson right now!

The Chair: Hello, everybody.   I'm the new chair of the Playing Trump Like A Fiddle Department. 

Professor Putin: By God! ... by God  ... you're ...you're.....  

The Chair:  Yes, I'm Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Professor Putin drops his fiddle.

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If you liked this piece, you may also like "Kristi Noem and Tom Homan Auction Off the Equipment and Fixtures of Alligator Alcatraz."

If you hated this piece, I hope Professor Putin makes you clap out the erasers after every single Playing Trump Like a Fiddle class!