Sunday, September 4, 2016

Taking A Stand By Not Standing

Civil Disobedience at its Finest:
Havertown's Ernie Frump

In a protest strikingly similar to that of professional football player Colin Kaepernick, Ernie Frump of Havertown PA is also taking a stand by refusing to stand to voice his opposition to an America he claims is fraught with bigotry and discrimination. 

“I refuse to stand up ... and get out of bed ...  when the alarm goes off in the morning,” Frump has announced. “And I will continue to do so until the oppressive morning people in America  recognize that we night owls have rights too!”  

Mr. Frump began his protest last Monday when he took to his bed at 3:30 A.M, set the alarm for 7:00 A.M., and then declined to stand up when the alarm went off. Since then each and every morning he has refused to stand at the sound of the alarm, even if it's set to some godawful station playing ABBA!   

“America is rife with discrimination and bigotry against those who hate mornings,” Frump asserted as he rolled over once or twice while speaking to a media delegation from the Sleep Ez and Sealy Posturepedic companies.   Mr. Frump believes that employers unfairly discriminate against night people because they generally show up later for work, yawn throughout the morning, and spend a lot of time distracting hard working employees by telling them stupid jokes and bugging them to go for coffee.

“I will not stand when the alarm clock plays in the morning in a country that oppresses we night owls," said Frump, "while simultaneously valuing morning people just because they are viewed as, and probably are, more productive and conscientious than we are.” 

Frump is furious that since he began his protest last week he has been fired by his employer for the fraudulent reason that he was regularly missing so-called daily staff meetings at 10:00 A. M.  He has managed to line up alternative employment as a delivery person for his town’s Morning Examiner, but has no expectations that he will not encounter similar shoddy and bigoted treatment from his new employer.

“We night owls have made tremendous contributions to our culture,” added Frump, yawning. “Did you know Frank Sinatra was a night person? And most of the other members of the Rat Pack were night people as well, including Joey Bishop.  Try to imagine this country without the original Ocean’s Eleven!”

Frump states that he has no plans to end his protest any time soon.

“Until the plight of we night owls has been fully addressed," he vowed, "whenever and wherever someone plays an alarm, even if there's a snooze alarm attached, I will not stand!

"Now leave me alone," he added. "It’s only 10:35 AM.”

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(This post is not intended to ridicule or criticize the stand - or lack thereof - of  San Francisco Quarterback  Colin Kaepernick. I am only ridiculing Ernie Frump.)


7 comments:

  1. I'm not a morning person at all. My staff always understood to put only nice non-talkative patients in the morning appointments. I'm better with medication i.e. caffeine but please don't speak to me until 11 am.

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    1. Don't worry. I won't be up by then either.

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  2. I've taken the night-owl/non-morning-person thing to whole new heights by moving to the Pacific time zone. By the time my feet have hit the floor in the A.M., it's well after lunch time for you folks back east. Always fun to say to someone who wants to schedule a call, "Sure. Any time after 1:30 Eastern would be great."

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    1. Scheduling everything after 1:30 PM sounds pretty good to me, as well as to Ernie Frump. Maybe we need to get jobs in your West Coast office? What are you paying? If you're getting back to me tomorrow, sometime during The Chew would be fine.

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    2. Yikes! You must be thinking I slept straight through the past couple days. That's not quite true, if also not wholly false. Anyhoo, I pay mostly in sunshine and expertly baked breads and pastries. Money is so 20th-Century, don't you think?

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  3. I'm sure Mr. Frump is working on his "Night Owl's Sleep Matter" t-shirts, which should do well in the market.

    As you may have suspected, I'm one of those early morning people, although I can't say it's made me more productive. You can wake me up before dawn, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do anything other than annoy the Night Owls who drag into work ten to thirty minutes late and don't want to be spoken to until after lunch. I find great pleasure in that. :)

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    1. I have no intention of waking you up and spoiling my good time watching reruns of the Rifleman. You'd probably start babbling right while the Rifleman was blasting away the bad guys with young Mark smiling and cheering him on. As for Mr. Frump, he has just gone into his final roll over in preparation for final standing..

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